Alright, here’s a weeks worth of inbox hits, thanks to Yahoo Personals.
Whhhheeee!
Um, so I guess you’ll be bringing the beer, eh?
I’ve heard that this mustache is illegal in nine states (these states are probably not situated in the midwest, or really, any area where you can ride a horse to the general store).
Nothing says “Ready for commitment” like a pink-you-can-drink bracelet, sum beer, and a cropped picture with your party-hardy college girlfriend!
Seriously. It looks like this guy took a picture of something he was watching on television… Is that Corey Haim? Nice suit, dude. Upgrade!
Hey… Hey… You sleepy ass motherfucker… Hey… You… In your momma’s guest bedroom with the flowers and the purple and shit… HEY! Wake up dude.
Um…. Yea…. Prodigy called… Yea… They’re back in the 90s… They’d like their hairstyle back. And could you g’head and return the pose to Mr. Clean. He’s left like six voicemails. Kthxbai!
There are no words. What was happening in the rest of this picture?? And what was he wearing that he cropped out of the photo??? A plunging neckline? And dude, I’m not gonna knock your pressed hair because it looks kind of like mine!
Not only does this look like a picture of some dude breaking out of a legal battle, the dude has BRASS BUTTONS!! When is the last time you’ve seen a dude with brass buttons? Oh? That’s right. Fucking GRADE SCHOOL. Like, woah, man….
Wow. What is it with the guys sending out pictures of themselves in the GAYEST poses ever. He totally does not look straight… Not that there’s anything wrong with that! And I really am digging on his little, what would you call that? A heart patch? That little tuft of hair on his chest. Ew. Reminds me of my exhusband. He had hair like that but only right around each nipple. G-A-G.
Ok… If you know me at all, which, some of you really do know me… You know how I feel about this picture… The bandana… The coveralls… The campin’ chair… THE KOOZIE. I am such a city girl.
His caption read “I carry a big gun, if you know what I mean.” Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink. Yes, we know what you mean. But couldn’t you have found a better picture to go along with your overcompensation?What are the gloves for?
What kind of dumb bitch is going to meet this guy off Yahoo Personals when he’s, not only talking about his cock size, but posting pictures of weapons… And gloves… ??? Maybe I should email him and link him to Craigslist… It seems like that might be more his style…
Jami’s Personal Dating Rule #9,999,999,943: Never date a man with tits bigger than yours. (And mine are, *ahem*, plenty big… So I’m giving a whole hell of a lot of grace here). Notice how he’s holding his mouth… It’s like he’s not even trying to cover up the fact that he is so desperately holding that breath in. *Inhale*click*exhalllllllllllllllllllllllllle*
Tune in next week kids for more from my inbox!
If you’ve got some from your inbox, send them my way. And don’t worry, I’ll help you with the clever captions if you need me to 
