Mister Awesome

Craigslist Crazies — By Jami on September 27, 2008 at 1:21 pm

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Stumbled across this while looking for something in google to use to make fun of McCain on a message board…

Mister Awesome (Somewhere near you!)

I am a great guy who is overly handsome that has everything going for him. I am extremely neat, wealthy, charismatic, hilarious, and have a rippled chest that screams your name during foreplay. Don’t believe me? Come see for yourself.

I also enjoy racing cars, flying planes, and kicking ass at all sports. My thighs enjoy crushing watermelons on the weekends without supervision. My biceps double as bird feeders for humming birds. My eyes will seduce you into “dropping your panties” without batting an eyelash. I’m in the newspaper daily for continuing my rein of awesome! I’m an Olympian but I wasn’t in the Olympics. I have 5 Gold Medals for ‘Outstanding Existence’. My abdominals “mess you up”!!! In the winter, my hot-ness melts a path before me in the snow. When snowflakes come in contact with my skin they turn to angel figurines and are promptly sold on eBay for large quantities of US currency. At the movies, I’m the coming attraction. (You wonder why the floors are sticky!) When I exhale, trees swoon! Felines meow songs about me in dark alleys. When I travel, I don’t drive, the car drives me. I don’t just put on pants in the morning, I leg-sodomize them, twice! I break the sound barrier with my thoughts. I keep gravity in line. I have type 3 diabetes, because I only want the best! My hugs heal skin cancer. My pubic hair is neatly shaped into a 1970′s tv dinner. I created Outer Space for Lance Bass!

All of these things are true! So if you are or aren’t interested, well, hell, message me anyway. I might be able to talk you into something.

-Mister Awesome

Where do I sign up!!? Seriously! Just reading this guy’s ad, my life feels more complete. ‘Tis a shame he lives all the way in Austin, though, it’s probably one of those unavoidable things. You know, I’m nearly as awesome as this guy (though my pubic hair doesn’t look like a 1970s tv dinner, whatever that means!), and if we were in the same city, the whole place might just implode or something, you know?

Thank you, Mister Awesome.