Date Wrecks:

But here’s a quick lesson for those of you who are submitting:

If you find a sparkly gem, save the pictures and the text. Because sometimes people are party poopers and flag Craigslist posts.

Sabra’s email had one link that had gone *poof* but her commentary next to it was “And for the record, what I’m thinking is: why is he wearing panties?”

OMG! I want to read that one! But it was flagged by the time I got to work this morning. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

Anyway, here’s the rest of her submissions. Enjoy!

new man in town looking for a women that would like to share her bed – 49

Me 49 average built, you cute. I’m working in town (south side) for a few months. Need to find a women to wine&dine, share her bed and fill her sexual desires. Life to short to be alone and horney

So, um, will you be paying RENT for your sublet or just (ful)filling her sexual desires? Do people really answer these ads?! I can’t imagine being so desperate for companionship that I invited a 49-year old stranger into my bed to shack up and do me. Seriously.

And this one is in the same vein:

Looking for help with a job, will return the favor – 22 (San Antonio)

I know this would be a long shot but its worth a try. I am a 22 yr old male looking for help finding a job, I have 2 yrs in handyman work and I am really good with computers. Thats me below in the pic. if anyone has any help, I would really appreciate it.

So, maybe instead of an awkward picture of yourself you should have included, oh, I don’t know… A resume!? I know the economy is bad right now, but if this is how we’re all going to have to resort to jobs, I think I’ll take my place in the unemployment line, circa 1929.

looking for dinner date – 48 (sa)

6 foot tall 230lbs just looking for a dinner date.
Im divorced, no Kids at home.
Iam a couch potato. I dont like walks on the beach, I dont like bike riding, I dont like to be active.
I watch TV, and I go to work.
Im 48, but I look much older, at least 55

At least he’s honest. Is this a selling point? Telling people you look nearly a decade older than you are? Shit. I wonder if this guy is his brother….

SEXY,SMART,SWEET,FUTURE COP,AND REAL,LOOKING FOR WIFEY – 23 (sa)

im a nice sweet,gentleman,im not bad looking,im physically fit.i am a computer technician i love to do things go out to like parks. attractions.. im looking for a nice genuine old fashion girl that waits for you to get home and is happy to see u.. that still cooks for you when you come over… and me im furthering my career trying to be a cop bye this time next year.. just looking for nice girl around my age please nice girl only’s thanks and have a great day if you want to know more just ask… and please send me a pic as i have provided once much love and hope you find your match

PS.. IM LOOKING FOR MY FUTURE WIFE IF IT HAPPENS..WANT TO HAVE FAMILY I KNOW I WOULD BE A PERFECT FAMILY

Aside from the spelling mistakes and complete misuse of punctuation, this post was a little unassuming. I was a little like “WTF?” to Sabra. Until I got to that last picture. Dear god. Does he think that could possibly be sexy? *sigh* Where’s my clue-by-four?

How about dinner by candle light – 20

Hi my names dan im a fire fighter in the air frce stationed at randolph afb i like it here i love my job looking for someone to hang out with maybe get serious with go to dinners movies and the whole nine yards im very open to what ever please message me if your interested and wanna meet up some time?

P.S. I am a real person please give me a chance



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DAMN IT! I really didn’t have a problem with this one until the last picture. He even followed the “no shirt unless at the beach” rule! He had to go and ruin it by posting a picture of his emaciated chest with no shirt, but he didn’t stop there. It doesn’t look like he’s wearing any pants either! Don’t get me wrong – I always feel like I have to clarify this one so that you all don’t think I’ve falled off the straight train. I love a man’s chest. Probably one of my favorite parts of a man. But if we flipped the circumstances for just a moment, would ANYBODY have any respect or take a woman seriously if she posted this same picture? Even if she was wearing a bra… How do people think they’re going to meet quality partners (even if it’s just for casual sex!) by posting naked pictures!?! Gah. This just bothers me to.no.end.

Just chillin and looken – 22

My heart for the LORD. I am extremely passionate about “True Love Waits” and fully believe in it. I have a heart for the youth and I desire to reach the ones who are continually fighting this battle of high school while growing in Christ. I absolutely love cheerleading and cheered some in college until a knee injury permanetely took me out- so know I coach the jv squad at my high school and I love it so much. When i’m with my brother and sister, i’m all out crazy- I just like to have fun and not the “I can’t remember” kind. Like the run around WalMart at 2am kind of fun. In a guy, i’m looking for their heart for GOD. If that isn’t a part of them then I wouldn’t consider them. My faith is a huge part of my life and I would definitely want that to be a part of theirs as well. Also they have to have some sort of sense of humor because otherwise we probably wouldnt get along. I’m pretty much known for laughing at every corny joke so dont even worry about that. And also- if you’re over 30, please don’t message me. I’m looking for my future husband and i’m not interested in any “one night” stuff because it wont happen.

Sabra said, “Yeah okay, I dig God too & stuff, but damn.” My sentiments exactly. I wonder if she knows that Craigslist is full of miscreants, sinners, and debauchery-lovin’ evildoers. Has she tried finding a boyfriend at, oh I don’t know, CHURCH!?

As an aside, when my last relationship ended, I was on the phone with my brother giving him the blow-by-blow. The whole situation was literally laughable — such a hot mess that you couldn’t help but just LAUGH when you heard all the details. So we’re enjoying a laugh at my love-life’s expense and he says to me, “God, Jami. Where are you ever going to meet a man? You don’t go to church and you’re not in school anymore. For your demographic, you’re kind of screwed.” Ha! Seriously.

Thanks for the submissions, Sabra! Keep ‘em coming!