Desperation… With a side order of crazy and pathetic.
Shit. This just makes me… Scared…
Letter to my future wife…. – 33 (atlanta….)
Hey….
I trust you are well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line. I have been missing you terribly as of late…even asking God why do you seem so far away. I know that I probably don’t deserve you, but I want you anyway.
Honestly, my desires for a family and you to share with were almost consuming as of late. I’ve been a bit down…like Teddy Pendegrass…”yesterday I had the blues…”.
In one of those “blue” moments I ordered a cd series from one of (by now you already know) my favorite teachers, Chip Ingram. The series, I plan to share with you early in our relationship it has been a wonderful help to me, so whenever we meet and get to know each other more I probably will share with you. But it’s called Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships. Quite honestly, it has brought me to tears more often than not. The teaching has been so moving, and such an exposure of a multitude of ungodly behaviors that have hindered love….and that have hindered my growth into a Godly man….your man.
As I walked for a quick break, (I know this sounds crazy, but you’ll understand) I could feel you with me. I could even feel you close enough that it made me smile. My smile was as sincere as if you were here. I was walking and glancing into your eyes…you were to my right side…as you will be as a partner in my life. I can’t explain the feeling, but I knew you were here, and I knew you were being prepared just as I am. OOOOOOOOH…I’m gonna love on you!
Either way, the message has been wonderful. I also have been reading through the book of Matthew, which to date will be the only complete book of the bible that I’ve ever read. I noticed a correlation in something. When the lady touched the hem of his garment in ch 9 v20-22, and ch9 v27-30, and it finally came together today at ch14 v28-31….FAITH BABY!!! Check it out, it hit me today. By faith the woman with the hemorrhaging was healed, by faith the blind men were made to see, by faith the centurions servant was healed, by faith Peter walked on water!!! And by FAITH the Lord is bringing us together!!! I just cannot wait. I know you are out there for me…and that I will not have to surf the web, or hang in clubs or sleep with a million women, and break a million hearts, and have mine broken a million times to find you. He is bringing us together…I believe it; and I believe in you. The woman so sweet that a smile that has been buried and almost dead and gone, will be resurrected and permanently placed on my face. I know that you are kind and patient. I know that you are passionate and diligent, supportive, loving, and just for me…all just for me….
I can’t wait baby.
I love you, you nameless, faceless woman of mine you!
It doesn’t end there…
Two minutes later, he posts this one:
Letter to my wife II – 33 (atlanta)
Good morning my dearest. I know I shouldn’t be right now, but I am in church with my daughter and thinking of you. She’s growing so quickly, and I am very grateful to the Lord and especially my mother for filling in the blanks to let her be growing into a sweet and beautiful little lady. I love her so much. Yet as I sit, and admire my daughter and am in awe of her developement, yet again I can only wonder and long to see your face praising God, singing, or just being the example of a woman for my daughter that because I am a man I cannot give her.
Its with mixed emotions that the uptempo praise song washes the film of the past week from my spirit. It looks like a pretty full house today. Though I am definately not one to decide that I’m going to fish through churches to find my bride….I wonder if you are here? If so…look over your shoulder, toward the back. I only passed one pew and sat. I’m here with my daughter…(Smile) a man and his mission.One more thing before I get completely into the message, as I was looking around for that glance over your shoulder I noticed a young woman with dreadlocks and bright red lipstick…just on the off chance that u ARE in here…I would rather not do the dreads…or the bright red lipstick! (Smile)
Are you freaking out yet? All the girls with dreadlocks are all looking over their shoulders for the creepy single father. WATCH OUT!
It’s not over though!
Eight minutes later, this dude posts another one!
Letter to my wife III – 33 (atlanta)
Good afternoon Darling. I’m really missing you today. I’m wishing right now that I could seek encouragement in your eyes, strength from your love and assurance and affirmation of your touch. To be honest Love, I’m very frustrated and lonely currently. You see, I’m learning the standards that the Lord has established for me to be a man after His own heart. And I must confess, at the moment I don’t feel that I’m doing all that well at it. I feel so distant from everything in the world, like I’m isolated standing alone with my heart in my hand … For it has no home.
I know I can be safe sharing with you my Love because I am still waiting for you like Jodeci. Yes there were those that I thought for various reasons were you; but as the the river of love flowed over my past relationships, with its trickling slow occasions and its earth shifting rapids, and through the high and low tides… My previous relationships slowly eroded into my past. They just were not you. Oftentimes I fear that I may miss you one day because I’m currently VERY apprehensive about love. I feel that I want no part of it.
Are you even real? Are you merely a creation of the most lonely part of my heart and mind? I’m so confused.
YET FRET NOT MY DEAREST!! For I am not so easily deterred. “No” has always been an answer that I refuse to accept. I will do my very best to not let the almost maddening lonliness of my current circumstance cause me to become bitter and filled with disbelief. Until I find you…I will fight with every fiber of what makes me to remain sensitive and optomistic that we someday will meet, or that God will illuminate you as brightly as the stars of Heaven before my eyes. Where are you hiding?
It’s official. He’s a fucking nutjob. Maddening lonliness?
RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!
Seriously. Dude needs a freakin’ blog. I can’t imagine some woman will read this and be like “Oh shit. I think he’s talking to meeeee!”
I just checked. http://maddeninglonliness.blogspot.com is still available!
