So help me out…

Worst Wrecks — By Jami on December 17, 2008 at 12:34 am

helpmeout So help me out...
Is there something on this face that says “Please! Crazy boys! Flock to me!”

Some sort of gravitational pull that causes the most douche-iest of the douche bags to be forcefully sucked into my personal space?

It’s shit like this that makes me want to be a lesbian. Or a nun. Or a dead person. I can’t quite decide. Whatever I end up being, dear god, could you please remove this sort of black-hole-strength suck-power that I have on pulling the biggest losers towards me??

Here’s the back story:

Geek Effect

Well where do i begin… I am 29 years old. I served nearly 7 years in the Army. After a few deployments to diff countries one being Iraq. I decided that maybe there wasa better use for me out there. After i got out in 2004 i started working for the geek squad. I worked for them for about 3 years and then started my own company. I am still running my company and trying my best to have fun. I love my job and am a very fun and happy person. I dont do drama, I am not a heart breaker, and im not a player. I would like to meet people that are open and honest about everything as i can be a bit harsh with my bluntness and honesty. Well if i sound tolerable then send me a message.

SandySprings dating 40234974 So help me out...
ei3nx355dv 40234571 So help me out...
SandySprings dating 40234995 So help me out...

So, he’s sort of cute. A little blonde for my tastes. That last picture was, eh… Silly. But I could look it over because he sounded like an alright dude. And to be totally honest, I thought his shirt was funny, hahaha!

We exchanged a couple of (very) short emails and he asked me to add him to my Yahoo Messenger. I did.

Around 11:30 tonight, I was seriously about to close my laptop and up pops an instant message from a GeekEffect, who turns out to be Lewis.

I’m immediately bothered by him because right after asking me how I’m doing, he asks me for more pictures. *sigh* I redirected him to my dating profile.

He corrects me… He wants to see some “sexy pics”…

Gah. If I didn’t have a dating blog, I would have just blocked him… But I smelled fodder… And you know I love fodder. :)

I said “Like what?”

He sent me these gems:

DSCF0993+%281%29 So help me out...
DSCF0949 So help me out...

023 So help me out...
024+ +Copy So help me out...DSCF0966 So help me out...112008003302 So help me out...

Crazyasses+008 So help me out...

Crazyasses 009 (1)

IMG 1828 So help me out...

IMG 1825 So help me out...

So they got progressively weirder… And I’m thinking “Sexy pics??” So I make fun of him a bit… Crack on him for his long underpants and tease him for being a man in the bathtub…

And I’m like “Yea… I’ve got to go…”

Then he sends me these two gems

103008040924 So help me out...103008040738 So help me out...
As well as pictures of his penis. Pictures. Plural.

DUDE. What the holy fuck?!!?

From zero to weirdo in a ten minute IM conversation.

I gotta work on the vibe I’m putting out. I WISH it were just players and guido douche bags. I could handle that. But sending a stranger pictures of your genitals?! That is so clearly not the vibe I’m trying to put out!!

Gah!

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      29 Comments

    • Helen says:

      OMG!!! What a douchebag! And he thought those were sexy?!!?!?!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    • Melissa says:

      You must be sending out phreak pheromones!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    • Jami says:

      Somebody with a haz-mat suit come scrub me down. Bleach. Lye. Something. Get these pheromones off’a me!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • twinglebabies says:

      Backing….Away….Slowly….

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    • wryknow says:

      whoa. thats some deep douchebaggery.
      A. appropriateness?
      B. sooo not sexy
      C. even a woman you are seriously dating doesn’t want to lok at pictures of your penis. Nevermind a STRANGER.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • Jami says:

      Seriously! Men are the visual creatures, not women! I might look at it and be like “Wow. That’s a huge/small/ugly penis.” But I’m not going to get off on it. A picture of a dude holding his own erection? Please!

      Not. Sexy. Ever.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

    • Teresa Howard says:

      OMG! you are so right jami- not cool- and at the same time wondering how he will feel about your posts about him- does he not know you have this blog- that should scare the freaks way right there! so not cool! sorry you had to be subjected to this tonight. definitely take a shower in the morning and scrub hard!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    • emily says:

      What man has little pink and green framed pics in his bathroom? And who took those, considering that he has both hands all mobbed up in his nips?

      I smell trolling-for-tail-with-girlfriend’s-pics all over him.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Kelly says:

      Cannot…stop…laughing

      Is that a raspberry beret in one of those pics?

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • Jess says:

      He’s cute, but dude. You don’t send pictures of your penis to strangers, no matter how nice it is.

      –jessikate

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Will O'Neill says:

      You look a little post-Goth. I’m not saying that this is at all true, but it might signal the crazy, and crazy chicks are down for anything more frequently than women of the general population.

      But just a *little* post-Goth. You don’t deserve this.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

    • Will O'Neill says:

      You look a little post-Goth. I’m not saying that this is at all true, but it might signal the crazy, and crazy chicks are down for anything more frequently than women of the general population.

      But just a *little* post-Goth. You don’t deserve this.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

    • Jami says:

      See, my mother told me that when i dyed my hair black, people would think I was gothy. I think it’s a shame that women with long, beautiful, shiny black hair get pegged as lame-o goth chicks. :) lol… But I get it.

      Maybe it’s time to revert back to my dark blonde…

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • Niki says:

      Wow Jami that is freaky but at least he shaved for the pics. I have to go bleach my eyes now.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Anonymous says:

      I would hope that a guy sending out pics of his junk, would at least not take other pictures standing in front of a pink doll stroller. That really eeks me out!

      Covert Lily (Susannah)

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Anonymous says:

      On the bright side, he is well endowed. Oh wait, he is a computer geek. Maybe he photoshopped.

      ~CrazyRED

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Joy says:

      if you were going to photoshop, you’d think he at least would photoshop a non-bent one. ya know?

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    • EmmaPeel says:

      What’s up with the various penis shots. It reads like a See Spot book. See penis in the bathroom. See penis in my room with my snazzy stereo system. See penis whipped out in the car.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • Anonymous says:

      but um…that is a pretty good looking whacker. just saying, is all.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 3

    • Becky says:

      That’s awful! No, I don’t think you are sending out a weird vibe. Unless guys recognize you from this blog!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Sabra says:

      Yeah it is a pretty good whacker. Unfortunately, it’s attached to a total nut-sack. And not the one they usually are.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

    • shanmarie says:

      OMH that is hilarious! That last pic looks like it was taken in his car…who does that??

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • Jami says:

      Apparently, Lewis does.

      GAG.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • SomeBlondeChick says:

      At first I wasn’t sure which pictures were meant to be the sexiest – the fauxhawk? the blurry tongue? the air intake vent?

      Thank god for shanmarie! That IS a steering wheel! It’s his CAR that’s sexy y’all!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • SomeBlondeChick says:

      At first I wasn’t sure which pictures were meant to be the sexiest – the fauxhawk? the blurry tongue? the air intake vent?

      Thank god for shanmarie! That IS a steering wheel! It’s his CAR that’s sexy y’all!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

    • Adam says:

      Why? WHYYYYYYYY did I click through to the pictures? I knew what they were… WHYYYYYY??

      As someone who met a very nice lady that I’m now living with 2 years later through Match.com, I:
      1) Commend you on this much needed blog. Soooo many weirdos out there, and
      2) Promise you that you are not deserving of these in any way. These guys are like the mosquitos you have to swat away to get to the food table at a cookout. Eyes on the prize!

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

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