From My Inbox

Happy Monday everybody Hope you enjoy today’s installment!

Just be yourself? Really? Is that why you made yourself nearly unrecognizable by photoshopping this picture of yourself to death? Or, wait, do you really look like this? Keep it real, holmes, keep it real.

Let’s file this under “Not A Flattering Pose”. Seriously. It looks like you have sunken deeeeep, deeep into your pillowtop.

Why do guys do this? Is this the equivalent of girls showing pictures of their asses? I love the bunk beds in the background. I bet he knows what he’s doing girls!

*sigh* Sometimes I hate the South. Really.

Yea, that’s a dude, y’all. His profile seemed totally normal and I kept scrolling and scanning trying to find something crazy to go with this picture. It finally jumped out at me “Sometimes I like to wear women’s clothing. There’s nothing quite like silk against my chest.”

*blink*blink* Errrmm… Ok.

“Me with my deceased wife.”

Oh god. This… I mean, I’m not going to make fun, really. But I think we need to have a bit of a discussion about the appropriateness of a picture like this on your dating profile.

Wow. Just what every girl wants: A webcam photo of your muscle a’la Popeye. *sigh* Tiiiiired, man. Just so tired.

Wait, what? What are you doing here? Are we shaving or exfoliating? And was it really necessary to stop mid-job to snap this picture? We can barely see how emaciated you are! I can’t even tell if your sternum sinks in!! *pout*

My future’s so bright I got– No. I can’t finish. Maybe you should dial down the wattage on your bedside lamp, man. Good gravy that’s a shit ton of pillows on your bed, dude.

WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL!? This was his only picture. We caught you mid-canoodle, didn’t we? You creepy old dude who should REALLY be wearing a shirt. And you – stripper/prostitute/town whore – are you… naked? Eep.

Ah! That’s what I like to see! Really, ridiculously skinny dudes!! I just want to pick you up and FEED you! Jesus. Metabolism disorder much?

*sigh* There is never a time when this picture is appropriate for your dating profile. Maybe it would be awesome for your niece’s baby scrapbook… Maybe. Actually no, we don’t want to give little Penny nightmares.

John Cusack? Really…? Gosh, you’ve changed, man. I loved you in High Fidelity. What happened, man?

/s400/13080616494470723254.jpeg" alt="" border="0" />‘Nuff said.

Actually, no. I think you need to size-up on that hat for ol‘ Rin Tin Tin, K9 Cop. But kudos on teaching him how to talk.

Elf + Fairy + Gnome x Sex = This guy. SHUDDER. I can’t tell where the frizzy hair ends and the scraggly chest hair begins. Ew, man.

From The Vault