So, seriously you guys… I don’t know about you, but it’s really important to me that a man that I’m seeing give me 100% — I’m not talking about commitment right away, I’m just saying like, bring your A-Game, you know what I’m saying?Obviously, you can imagine how my girly bits trembled when I got this submission, wherein this, um, gentleman proposed to be willing to give 110% of his love! I mean, I thought it was mathematically impossible, but what do I know? This guy has like thirty five more years experience than I do!
And he has a ZZ Top beard! Aw, shit!
And yea, it’s hard to read. He refuses to use a space bar at the beginning of a new sentence. He also delivers 110% of his daily allowance of exclamation points (and yours and mine, as well)!!
!!
!
I’m going to bold the things that really resonated with my heart…
sandy pool long term,live in for the right lady!!110%of love! – 62 (edmonton,alberta!canada)
hi loving,sexy,pretty fit ladies to my eyes only!the right opportunity is knocking for you right now!live in!just like me this ad is for real!honesty is the only policy!this very straight single white leo male,young 62 yrs old,act,feel&look like 45!5’9″tall,170lbs,hazel bedroom eyes,brown&grey full head of hair to my shoulders,long beautiful white groatee to my stomach&growing forever,reading glasses only!i am very honest,trustworthy,sincere,loyal,open minded,polite,dedicated,good humoured,one woman man,solid,light smoker,social drinker,emotialy secure,fiancialy stable,clean,safe&very well endowed,you be also!absolutily safe with me&here!no alcolics,druggies or wanna bees!i love shooting pool,i have many trophies,driving my beautiful classic car,which is laid up for the winter,dining in&out,good conversation,country&city life,r&r,heavy metal,movies,watching some sports&alot more!you must be pretty fit,well endowed?good looking,a little over weight as sexcercise is in,your age 30to50yrs old,5’5″to5’10″tall,long hair or willing to grow it long!clothes dont make the body,the body makes the clothes!you are as good as your word,if your word isnt any good you arnt!mine is excellent thank god! i love full hot oil slow sexy body massages,being spoiled&pampered daily!a little submissive&trainable would help in the bedroom only!being loyal,110%loving,honest&dedicated to each other forever!life is very short&death is forever!can you cook?i dont!keep a very clean place with me!you cant bring back the past,but we can make a beautiful future together!spring has sprung&so have i !pictures,emails&phones are very deceiving!taking loving applications in person only!1full length sexy recent pictures for a reply!only serious reply!the ball is in your court now!dont be shy,reply!i am waiting!fly&relocate to me!spend a few months with me to get to know each other&see what you are made off!wont be sorry!xo,ox,xo,xo smile!i am for real,no games at all!eventually maybe a wife for life!xo,ox,smile!where else can you live free&be loved at 110% forever!you will never see this for real ad anywhere in the world!you have never seen a ad like this from man or women ever!
Ok… So, I’m going to give you a minute to catch your breath, equally because you’ve likely had a hard time reading that without the necessary natural pauses and/or you’re busting a gut.
I’ll just be over here. Take your time.
You good? Okay, let’s continue.
My favorite part: “Can you cook? I don’t!” Hahaa… Oh, lord. You’ve been on this great, green earth for sixty two years dude, and you still can’t cook?
And can you imagine rubbing oil over that skinny man’s body? He’s got old man stretchy skin!
It always makes me laugh when a personal ad reads like a Sham Wow commercial, like really, if you have to sell yourself that hard, there’s probably nobody that’s gonna be buying, man…
Editing to give props to Jane Lane in Edmonton, AB, Canada!
