Date Wrecks:

You remember when you were in high school and one of your friend’s parents had a hot tub? It was the coolest thing EVER. And this friend’s mom used to also make you virgin daquiris (or hell, maybe not even virgin sometimes!) and you’d drink them from those little plastic cups with stems that were shaped like cacti? Remember how cool that friend used to be?

Auuuugh! Mom! Why can’t you be cool like Billy and have a hot tub. I HATE MY LIFE!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet “Billy”… or really, his name is Lance:

lance02_taco

I’d post his profile, but it was COMPLETELY EMPTY. *sigh*

So, Lance sent me an IM. I was thinking MAYBE he’d have something more to share. He did just sign up for the site.

Ahh’nosir.

Lance: hi

Me: hi

Lance: what r u looking for on herer

Me: well, i’m not sure i want to tell you… considering you haven’t taken the time to fill out anything on your profile yet.

Lance: im new. sry

Me: it’s okay. i’m teasing you.

Lance: would u like to hang out

Me: it’s hard to give an opinion on something like that without knowing anything about you.

Lance: no not really. jst come over. i have a full bar, pull table and a hot tub

Me: oh, well then the answer is no.

Wow. He drives a hard bargain, guys… right? He’s got a hot tub AND a “pull” table and a full bar, which, at his age, likely means PBR in a can.

I wonder if a pull table is sort of like this:

Clearly, you can see why I wasn’t all that interested in going over to Lance’s house and hanging out. /faceslap