From My… Profile?
— By Jami on June 1, 2009 at 8:00 am
I’ve been asked a few times to share my profile with you, my blog readers… I’ve hesitated before because, well, damn. I guess I don’t want to be a Date Wreck myself!
But I got to thinking, what better way to kick off the new Date Wrecks 2.0 than to put myself on blast, right?
So, here you go. I’m not linking you and I’m not giving you my user name (though, if you have half a brain, it would be all THAT hard to find me yourself), but here it is.
Don’t be all, “Aw, shit. I wanna call Jami out on this crap but I can’t because she’s Jami!” I’ve got on my thick skin — though I really don’t think there’s anything there to really blast me for… *gulp*
Jami’s Dating Profile
The Skinny
Ethnicity: White
Height: 5′ 0″ (1.52m).
Looking: For New friends, Short-term dating, Activity partners
Smokes: When drinking
Drinks: Sometimes
Drugs: Never
Religion: Agnosticism and laughing about it
Sign: Scorpio and it’s fun to think about
Job: Artistic / Musical / Writer
Income: Rather not say
Kids: Has 1 child
Pets: Owns dogs and Dislikes cats
Languages: English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)
Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window...
Some people wear their heart up on their sleeve. I wear mine underneath my right pant leg, strapped to my boot.
Mmmm.... Coffee....
I got bangs today! I haven't cut my hair in about a year, but took the plunge today. I kind of love them.
Ahh... Doctor's Cave Beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Best $5 I've spent in my life. Who ever came up with the idea for a pay beach was a fucking genius. December 2007.
Somewhere near Negril, Jamaica at some Pirates themed bar. Yea, I'm wearing my drink umbrellas in my hair. It was about 150 degrees. December 2008.
Conversation prior to this picture: "We should all take pictures of us making that tired kissy face on Myspace..." It was way funny in person. I swear. This is a fairly oldish picture... I think spring of 2007?
At my brother's wedding February 2008. Best hair day of my life. MY WHOLE LIFE.
My best friend testing out her new camera, also a bit oldish... September 2007.
My Self-Summary
We’ll do this stream of consciousness style: creative, intelligent, short, hysterical, more judgmental that i ought to be, realistic, emotional. I am not a very serious person, but I do take life pretty seriously.What I’m doing with my life
I’m really good at
Google searching(The Google Fu is strong in this one), making sweet tea, painting my toe nails, making people laugh, dealing with chaos, dodging drama.The first thing(s) people usually notice about me
My hair or my smile. I am almost always smiling and my hair is banging. Seriously. I have no issue bragging on my hair. It’s long and shiny and healthy and… well… Just banging. I also have a really loud laugh and I’m not afraid to use it.My favorite books, movies, music, and food
My favorite book is usually the current book that I’m reading, which, right now is a book called Namedropper. My favorite movie is Dumb & Dumber – I can quote that film from front to back. I like just about all kinds of music with the exception of country music. I’d say my favorite food is steak, medium rare.The six things I could never do without
1. the boy child
2. friends
3. family
4. red wine
5. my laptop
6. my dog (he’s a bullshit)I spend a lot of time thinking about
Puns, yo mama jokes, work…I spend a lot of time sorting out mistakes from past relationships and reconsidering how I could do things differently… Really, I have no idea what my type is… If I did, I wouldn’t be single right now. This period in my life is proving to be a good opportunity to re-evaluate and figure out what really DOES matter.
On a typical Friday night I am
Every other weekend, my son is home, so he and I usually go to the movie theatre or over to hang with my best friend and her kids. On my “free” weekend, I usually stay out all weekend. I prefer bars and lounges to oosh-ka-oosh-ka clubs. I do like dancing, but I don’t go all that often. I love to patio sit and people watch.The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I snore. Loudly. If you snore, I’ll love you even more.I have entirely too many hair products. More than I’m willing to admit…
You should message me if
If you want to have fun on a date with me.
If you want to be a part of a meaningful partnership with a stellar woman.
You shouldn’t message me if you’re looking for a one night stand or are seeking attention.
So… What’s the verdict? I think it’s a pretty bomb-ass little profile, though I will admit to lacking on the full body shots. I just don’t have that many of them! (Lame excuse, I know, I know)
So why the fuck am I not being scooped up and proposed to and swept off my feet and tra-la-la-de-dah? You tell me.
Really. It’ll be fun…?
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35 Comments
I think you have no excuses for ANY kind of picture being that your big sister is a photographer. Hahaha! I would say I know you pretty well and that is one acurate profile. I think people are just crazy to not have snatched you up. You are the most loyal friend and so generous too (though I guess you can’t really post that on your profile without sounding big headed).
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Aw, Jami. You are so pretty.
I’m sure Prince Charming is out there somewhere.
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“So why the fuck am I not being scooped up and proposed to and swept off my feet and tra-la-la-de-dah?”
Don’t even get me started!
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Honestly, I don’t know, but I also look at it this way, being a strong, independent woman is better than ending up dependent on some other person any day of the week. You stay who you are!! When the right partner is meant to come along, they will. I had to be 35 and go through many mistakes.
Look…I still wish my daughter was more like you..but maybe she’ll wake up someday soon
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I would totally date you if I were a guy. Seriously, you seem awesome and cute. The one thing I might suggest (if you are looking for suggestions) is that I might get rid of the second picture because the lighting is off. All the other photos cute, though!
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i think you’re brilliant! here are a few of my personal opinions (which MANY disagree with…but that is why i have a blog…for them to disagree with me!)
too many pictures! gotta make ‘em wonder
…make them want more
also…you say at the beginning you are looking for short-term dating or activity partners…at then at the end say “you should message me If you want to be a part of a meaningful partnership with a stellar woman.” – that doesn’t sound short term to me.
and…unfortunately…your beautiful child could be what is throwing a lot of these guys off
plus – we have all gotten to know you – which makes all of THIS make sense. it would be helpful if we all got one friend that has NEVER read your blog before to read this and comment – what is their first impression having never read your blog before and gotten to know your sassy, hilarious personality.
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I would say the only reason you’re not being swept off your feet is the lack of Glamorshot/lingerie photos on your profile. But you get extra points for the kissy face photo. So, yeah, I guess that evens it up and I have no idea why you’re still single. That was brave of you to share your profile!
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FunnyGal KAT – That might be the best idea yet! Maybe I’ll see if my sister wants to take pictures of me in some red lingerie from the early 80s…
And Yeti – you’re right. I get emailed a lot asking why I have it listed as looking for short term dating – let me explain this the best way I can (and probably look into changing the profile to reflect this, too)…
Ultimately, I would be totally happy if the next man that I dated ended up being the man I grew old with. I am totally open to that possibility. I am also open to the possibility that I might date someone for a short window of time and totally enjoy myself and, when the relationship reaches it’s expiration date, move on without any hard feelings (remember the single dad?).
I am not however, willing to put on my profile that I’m seeking a long term relationship because, really… Until you start with a short term relationship, how do you know that you want a long term relationship with this person? I’ve considered just taking down the whole part about looking for short term dating down as well and leaving it as “Just Friends”, but I don’t really want to put the vibe out there that I’m just looking for a harem of dude-friends.
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lady, you are hilarious and beautiful! this site is amazing. i am confused about one thing: you say you want a ‘meaningful partnership’ and no one night stands, but you’re only looking for activity partners and short-term dating. what’s up with that??? to each his own but at least make those consistent. i’m with becky about the second photo, too. lots of luck!
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I love it! My kind of humor. Your profile rawks, I might have to share mine one of these days, hopefully it doesn’t get the spotlight as a wreck before then
.
P.S. – Love the new wordpress layout. I’m thinking wordpress > blogspot.
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I was going to say that you’re scaring them off with your Ani quotes, until I realized that the only people who are going to recognize them are other Ani fans.
The only other thing I’d throw out there is that, at least for me, the first section I *always* look at is the favorite movies/music/etc section. I think the best indication of what someone is like is what they like. (Isn’t that something they discussed in High Fidelity??) You provide little to work with in that section – so it’s hard to get a sense of your taste there.
*shrug*
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It seems that you want LTRs too, so I’d put that. If I was looking at this as a guy who wanted something serious, I would think that is not what you wanted. But other than that, I think the profile is great. And you are really pretty!
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I’m guessing it’s the presence of the youngling that’s keeping some men from contacting you. It’s an unfortunate reality in society today. The problem is that men wanting to date you must make a decision not only about you but also about themselves: do they want to be a father (assuming they’re not already)? Such screening is probably selfish but cannot really be helped until such biases can be erased at the societal level. I find myself engaging in such screening of child-possessing women often when perusing personals, and I feel bad for it. (But I still do it because I’m not ready to be a father, so I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I always hate it when people judge me by my height, and now here I am, passing similarly cursory judgments.)
Also, I dislike being superficial, but since we’re on the topic of constructive criticism (and since most men looking at your profile will unfortunately also be superficial), some of your pictures make me want to eat you up and some of them have a decidedly different effect. I hate myself already for saying that, since best as I can tell, you are very cute, but I suppose it’s more a matter of putting your best side forward. It’s all about marketing with these things, it seems. And that’s how I’m going to justify it to myself.
Also, you don’t like cats. That’s ridiculous.
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Alright, made some changes. Let’s see how the wind blows:
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My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Alright, so I’ve been encouraged to expand this portion of my profile… Here goes.
Favorite Books (really, I guess this is more a list of what I’ve read recently because after I read a book, it’s rare that I’ll read it again):
Eat, Pray, Love
Anything by Pablo Neruda — I have quite the collection
Dear Diary
Name Dropper
The Body Project
I read more blogs than books these days, anyways. I suppose time restraints make reading a short blog easier than a whole book — so, my favorite blogs:
Cake Wrecks
1000 Awesome Things
1000 Things That Suck
Sorry-Mom
Date Wrecks (haha, well duh)
Psychotic Letters From Men
You Suck at Craigslist
Favorite Movies
Dumb and Dumber
Taxi Driver
Rebel Without A Cause
Almost anything Hitchcock
Juno
The Neverending Story
Say Anything
Gangs of New York
Vanilla Sky
Favorite Music? Eh… This is hard because I really don’t know the names of most of the musicians/bands that I like and I don’t know any of the names of the songs I like! My best friend makes me mixed CDs and I always forget to fix the names of the songs when I import them into iTunes. I usually just name them something that will help me remember how they go. I love almost everything though. I wish I was more musically inclined, but everything I’ve tried to learn, I end up quitting. Some regular staples though:
Outkast (and most of that early 2000 Dungeon Family stuff)
Notorious BIG
Ani Difranco
Madonna
Bjork
Common
Erykah Badu
Gnarls Barkley
Le Tigre
Lady Sovereign
Peaches (what?! it’s great workout music! don’t hate.)
Rage Against The Machine
At work, I usually listen to the Pop Channel on http://www.thesixtyone.com — There’s a guy on there, Dan Black — he does this really weird and awesome version of Hypnotize by Biggie. I heart it.
Food — I’m not terribly particular about food. I’ll try lots of things just to try it, but I have a hard time eating something if I can still see it’s eyes or eating meat right off the bone (get your head out of the gutter! I’m talking like, hot wings and shit). I do, however, love:
Marcona Almonds
Ovaltine
Dr Pepper
Peaches/Plumbs/Nectarines
Goddess Salad Dressing
Medium Rare Steak
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How’s that Yeti?
Oh, and I went ahead and added LTR and fixed the last part about a LTR/STR to:
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You should message me if
If you want to eventually be a part of a meaningful partnership with a stellar woman. I don’t jump into relationships quickly, but I am very open to the idea of having my next relationship be my last.
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I will surely keep you up to date.
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I’m ready to propose right now! (Except I’m married…and female…wanna move to Iowa?)
You should know I check this site before I check my EMAIL…that’s how much I heart it. I think your profile is bangin like your locks, and having the boy child is an like awesome filter to find the right guy. Which is nice…
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I always suspected you were adorable, but this proves it. You have the combo I long to have myself… black hair and blue eyes. So stunning! It is a wonder to me that someone isn’t tripping over himself to be your man, but at the same time, it’s also a sad truth that guys are really shallow and deluded on the most part. Even the big-bellied, balding uglos hold out for Pamela Anderson because they think they’re worthy of it (I used ‘it’ on purpose). Here is a beautiful, vital, witty, funny woman with personality to die for, someone to laugh with, to joke with, who is obviously down-to-earth… and what? You either get the ‘nice guy’ who doesn’t make any of his own decisions and is passive-aggressive because he has low self-esteem, or you get the thuggo who treats you like crap and expects you to like it.
Pretty and smart as you are, your searching will not be in vain. You have to just kick through all the chaff before you find something worth keeping, that’s all. You’ll find someone to cherish you.
Luckily, you already have one good man in your life to cherish. If he’s anything like you he must be disgustingly adorable–and he comes with hugs and kisses that are free of any other encumbrances; they are only as earnest as they can possibly be coming from a child. Lucky girl. Send some of that baby-makin’ mojo my way, will you? I’m getting old here… I want me one of those.
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Jami, you’re beautiful and witty…and confident! If the guys don’t like you, it’s their loss.
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You should totally have a bin for “awesome guys I don’t really want to date, but aren’t wrecks. AKA, ‘Jami’s Stable of Dude Friends.’”
At least do some recycling. Keep it green or something.
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I love, love, LOVE that picture of you at the wedding.
And I think the stuff you’ve written in here is better than what you ended up with regarding LTRs. Myself I think that is one of the things that scares most guys off. They aren’t opposed, but they’re afraid that someone who says upfront that she’s looking for it has, as one male friend says, “the moving van ready and the china picked out.” They’re terrified of the better than even odds that if it *doesn’t* work out, there will be a long, emotional, sticky mess – you sound so much more sane on that topic than 90% of women. I’d bet that listing “I want friends first” is a defense from this kind of Super Glue attachment after a couple of dates that both genders do, but that women are stereotyped for.
I think your paragraph on rejection ought to be in there somewhere, and/or your explanation of friendship vs. dating. It highlights your openness and common sense about the whole subject. Especially on the “friends first” thing, I had one of those aha! moments as I recognized something I agree with but have never thought out logically before. I like it.
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On the revision…
your favorite foods…
you might want to leave the plumbs for the souix chef to use. You’d probably enjoy eating plums more.
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Aw, damn. Good eye. You know what makes a good online dater? When I got notification of this comment, the FIRST thing I did was run over to fix the spelling mistake in my profile, lol… Before I came to approve this comment.
Oh yea.
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I think the best explanation I have come up with regarding the “just friends” vs. I WANT TO BE MARRIED AGAIN, NOW! is that for myself, I don’t think I ever want to be married again, and even if I did, I’m certainly not in any hurry. But I *do* want to mean something special to someone, more than just pals. Someday I’d like to be part of the cute old couple sharing naughty winks at each other from their rocking chairs that make other people smile to see them. Smiles that the couple doesn’t even see, because they’re so far into their own little world. At this point in my life, I’m pretty sure it ain’t gonna happen, but that’s the ideal.
I really liked your explanation here, on the blog, of how going into a relationship looking just for friends isn’t any more honest than quick! stuff the bridal magazines under the couch cushions before the guy arrives! I also think your sensible words about rejection would be reassuring to a guy. None of that appears in your profile, though. We all know it, you know it, so it seems like it’s coming through, but it isn’t.
And I know I didn’t cover this well at all in my own profile either, so I’m guilty as well.
And regarding the boy-child – I think it might help to point out to potential dates that he will *never* even meet, much less have to engage in, pretend-insta-family type activities until things are a looong way down the road. Other people’s kids are a nerve-wracking thing for either gender to think about … maybe they hate ANYONE their parent tries to date, maybe they are brats, maybe they are going to demand more of me than I can provide … so pre-empting that by saying, “you aren’t even going to SEE my kid for many months” might allay some of those fears.
Jules
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Jules, I think we’re nearly in the same boat. I think I do want to get married again but ONLY if the marriage is going to stand up to my expectations of what it SHOULD be, not what it was for me. That may not be terribly realistic on my part, lol… But, until I’m convinced, I refuse to settle.
I’m thinking about what you said re: the rejection stuff and the boy-child stuff… Both are good points.
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Jami, I am completely new to your site. Today was my first day reading it and I stumbled upon this post. There are three things that come to mind with respect to your profile, and please treat this as constructive and well intentioned criticism and advice. Personally I think you are cute and adorable, but:
1)
All of your photos except one are face shots. You are a pretty lady but some of those are not presenting you in your best light. When guys see a profile with only face shots a warning flag goes up: what is she hiding? I will not get into the superficial politics of body shapes and sizes, but guys want to have an idea if you are anywhere close to their preferences as a total package.
2)
I am also a single parent. The plain and simple fact is, it limits your options. People are shallow, people do not desperately yearn to help raise someone else’s kid. It is their loss. ’nuff said.
3)
Guys are just as insecure as women. Nobody wants to be fodder for your Date Wreck site. I think you are cute, funny, and most likely a wonderful intellectual sparring partner (but you are too young for me), but no way would I want to risk ending up as one of your stories on your web site. Before I would ever go out with you, I would make you sign a pre-dating agreement that you could NEVER say anything about me on your site no matter how well or how badly it went between us. What you have here is the online equivalent of a group of ladies at a bar who are all yukking it up, a group that no sane man on the face of this planet would dare approach to try to ask you out. So ‘fess up about the web site right up front, and do whatever it takes to remove a guy’s fear of being ridiculed should you not hit it off with him.
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I hear you, Tom, I do… I just have not found a single parent that I feel like has a parenting style that meshes with mine. I think the one experience that I in a relationship with another single parent has tarnished my experience a touch… Watching him spank his two year old for crying sent me over the edge — I do NOT what that kind of a household for my son, you know?
I vacillate back and forth on telling them/not telling them about the blog. On the one hand, I know that when I tell them about the blog, I feel more honest and transparent and upfront. I also have noticed that men tend to… Be less honest and less transparent and less upfront in return. It’s like, they’re on their best behavior because they know about the blog.
I get it, I do. Every dating blogger I’ve talked to is like, “Don’t try to date and write about it,” which seems… counterproductive to being a dating blogger.
Six in one hand, half a dozen in the other.
I do appreciate your input though. Thanks for reading!
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I totally agree. WordPress is indeed > than blogspot. There’s all these built in behind the scenes tools that make it so much easier.
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Yea, it is unfortunate. I suppose it’s a blessing really though – I mean, I don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t want children. Obviously. Generally, with men I actually go on dates with, having a child isn’t really an issue. The boy child doesn’t meet any potential dates until well into the relationship.
I want to know which pictures make you NOT want to eat me up, lol… Don’t hold back!
And cats? Really? They poop in a box (and that’s only if they’re not mad at you!). They also get old and lazy, and even when they’re young, the best you can hope for is that they’ll chase a string. They’ll never fetch! I like my pets to poop in the yard and play with me.
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Thank you Chelle!
I’m still chewing on the whole LTR/STR thing. I don’t want my profile to be too wordy, for sure… But maybe I’ll just have to explain myself.
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Yea – the Ani fans will see them and love them. If I found a man who would listen to Ani with me and love it, I would be very happy with him.
And I’ve totally avoided the whole movies/music/etc section because it’s so much work. But I suppose it’s time to fill something in there, eh? I’m terrible with band names, lol. I’ll have to look them up in google by the one lyric I can remember in my head!
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I have to say I like your books/movies/etc section. I hate it when those things are just a list of films/bands/TV shows. You have groovy stuff like full sentences. You could maybe use a wee bit more generalization, especially if Dumb & Dumber is the only comedy of that type you like.
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Numbers four and six from the posting order don’t do as much for me. Number two’s on the brink. Again, just personal preference on my part, so how much value you put on my advice would depend on how much crap you think I’m full of. Caveat emptor! Yay for ending sentences with prepositions. Pictures one, eight, and nine are my personal favorites, and I think you look really good in those.
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Stephanie! Haha! Watch out, I’m fearful you’re going to send my ego soaring.
Thank you for those kind words and I couldn’t agree more!
Woops, there goes my ego.
And yea, you know… At this point, I’ve dated the bad boys and found myself in a heap of shit… I’ve dated the super nice guys and I’ve found that they’re just not _____ enough for me or, god bless me, I want to say things like, “Man up! Don’t let me run the show, pushover!” Haha! But, right now, I’m fairly content being single. I would LOVE to have a man to sleep next to every night and fix dinner for and get back rubs from
I would love to be able to get pregnant again and share that whole experience with a man that I really LOVE. I would love to have a man involved in the boy’s life that is a man of character and integrity and honor. I’d love to find a man who will wash the car with me on Sundays after we sleep in and read the paper in bed, lol. I would love all of those things.
But, I’m not willing to settle. So… I wait.
Eventually, it’ll happen.
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I’m not opposed to acquiring friends. In fact, I’ve made quite a few — yourself included Rob
. But I guess what I mean to say is that I don’t necessarily believe in the whole friends-first adage… If I like a guy and he likes me, I don’t want to dance around the whole issue in an effort to just be friends first. Is that weird? I don’t know. I suppose that’s why I end up dating guys for one or two months!
I think, if you’ve been friends with someone for a long time and eventually things develop, that’s one thing. But to say, from the get-go that you’re seeking friends first when you’re really seeking a partner — it just makes me think that people are fraught with insecurity and afraid of rejection. What’s wrong with rejection? I mean, I don’t like every guy that I go out with so it only makes sense that, at some point, I’m going to be rejected by men as well.
But you’re right Rob — I suppose I do have something of a Stable of Dude Friends. 60% of the guys that helped me move were guys that I met on OkCupid! (These are facts, folks!) And Rob, you were the only one that I ever went on a date with…
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