Posted in the “Etcetera Jobs” portion of Craigslist and found by Caroline in Chicago:
Surrogate Wife Wanted (North Shore)
Sophisticated distinguished gentleman seeking surrogate wife.
Full time live in position for the right candidate.
Perform ALL of the duties of a wife without the paperwork
Live in luxury, very upscale suburb! Take luxury vacations! Negotiable monthly allowance.
Retirement Plan.
You:
Attractive in shape female age 18 to 37 looking to be taken care of by an attractive gentleman age 56 in exchange for performing ALL wifely duties at a high level.
You must be adventurous and willing to experiment in the wifely arts.Email back with a letter describing yourself and why you are the one for this position. include a physical description of yourself and include a recent accurate photo.
Applications without a photo will NOT be considered.
Well, gawd. This is perfect! Because my idea of a bad time is filling out marriage paperwork, not fucking an old dude! What a relief!
I love how he said “ALL wifely duties” — how unfortunate that talking about having sex with yourself carries such an ominous tone. And “wifely arts”? Oh, fuck. I’m gonna be sick.
I’m all for loving who you love, man. I really am… If, while in your twenties, you fall in love with some 60 year old dude, so be it. It you love him, it shouldn’t matter. Age IS just a number. But seeking out a partner based specifically on their age? I mean, what will the neighbors think?!
Also – what kind of dumb ass broad is going to go into a situation like this without any sort of safety net? “Yes, darling. I want you to quit your job so that you can felate me daily. It’ll be fine. You’ll never have to work again.”
And what happens when you start to get older? What happens if you put on a few pounds? What happens if you accidently use a little too much teeth on his old man weiner? Well, he’ll just kick you to the curb and find another version of something similar to you to fill your shoes, duh!
He sure is looking for a stupid candidate.
