Emoticon Overload
— By Jami on July 27, 2009 at 8:00 am
There are a million and one things that are overused and abused on the internet…
Emoticons are one of them… I use them… But it is just like an appropriate placement of “that’s what she said” — when used properly, it can be hysterical. But use it too much, or in the wrong way and not only do people want to spork your eyes out, they also think you’re also a fucking loser.
This Plenty of Fish ad that was submitted to me made me twitch. And when the twitching subsided, I started to want to spork this stupid fucking loser’s eyeballs out.
jabrex The Big Mouth Bass:
Pound almost dry, easy catch!
Caption: playing in the rain, refreashing
Sign:SagittariusHeight:5′ 7″ (170 cm)Age:39 year old ManEthnicity:Caucasian with Mixed Color hairSmoker:NoBody Type:AverageReligion:Christian – otherAbout Me
Great since of humor and funny! I look for the positive outlook in others? Enjoys making others:
smile and laugh.
? Have found others to be unique in some way: lol: .
I am told we must click to become friends? not everyone clicks or has chemisty or common interest? Why?
If you’re Not a Perfect woman or person, I would like
to get to know you more. .
(I understand No one is perfect) look at me?
An average normal working male, Searching for the opportunity of hope and true romance.
if a good friendship can come out of this , I would like to see it happen.
we can make history together.(still interested)
Let me know more about you.
May God bless your search if you’re not interested in me?
“we don’t miss what we never had”-”once we had the _______, we try not, loose it unless it turns _______”
First Date
Be Honest.
Build a friendship with the other person. Learn to see if the other person has the same interested?
Some of my Ideas for first dates
If a relationship is going to work, it will grow. If two people are interested in one another it will happen sooner then expected.
That to be said,
Enjoy life, entertainment and get to know someone for what is in their heart and mind. understand who they are and why.
So tell me something? what if? we both were Right?
it will take a Good line to pull this fish in? Oh, so many fish and only one hook? always hooked! line and sinker? lol.
Ooooooookay. So we made it through.
Now, aside from the horrific spelling (which, in this case, I’m not going to harp on too hard — CLEARLY with this many spelling mistakes, he’s GOT to have some kind of learning disability) — what the hell is up with all these question marks??
It’s like everything he says ends in a question?
So the inflection of his voice is higher at the end of every sentence?
Even when he’s making a statement? Everything sounds like an inquiry?
My favorite one: “May God bless your search if you’re not interested in me?” Sounds like something I would say, if only I believed in God… And only because, with the question mark, it reads like, “Gosh, I sure do hope that God blesses you since you’re not interested in his child: me. And I don’t understand why you would be interested in me. You realize your disinterest makes baby Jesus cry, right?”
Also: “An average normal working male, Searching for the opportunity of hope and true romance. ” Yea, man. I know… Looking for love gives me the lolz in muh tummeh, too? Like ROFLMAOz.
And can someone help me with this Mad Lib: “once we had the _______, we try not, loose it unless it turns _______”
Once we had the… SMARTS! Yes… Ok. Once we had the smarts, we try not, loose it unless it turns… turns… LEFT? Yes. Perfect. Fits right in with the rest of the incoherent babble in this profile.
And the last paragraph? The one where he seems like he’s recounting the recurring nightmare that I had as a child… With the fish and the crappies and water running out and no BRAKES! NO SAFETY NET! No picture of the big one (surprise cock?) Dirty water… And the fish that stare into your very soul. Dynamite. Then he hooks his penis into a fishing lure only to be disappointed that the fish only seem to be biting the artificial bait.
Then I wake up with the shakes and my heart beating, Poe-style in my ears. And I might have wet my bed. It’s a really fucking scary dream, man.
I am a little disappointed that he only used thirty five emoticons… I mean, he’s thirty nine years old, I would expect to see thirty nine animated fucking irritating smileys in that personal ad — wouldn’t that have been serendipitous? Then I would have known we were meant to be…
Instead, I’m going to throw this crappie fish back into the pound… Next to the puppies that have been there for nearly a week and are being prepped for euthanasia.
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20 Comments
How can you be Caucasian with mixed colour hair?! Either your Caucasian or “mixed colour”. You can’t have parts of each!
And dude, that last paragraph makes you sound like a serial killer. You’re going to dynamite all the fish in the ‘pound’ because they keep spitting out the bait? (“Here little girl, daddy wants to give you some candy” “Fuck off you creepy loser” “I will dynamites the pound to rell in crappie so woman fish will swim into my pound!” *runs away screaming*)
I think my eyes are bleeding…
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“You realize your disinterest makes baby Jesus cry, right?”
I love you, Jami.
.-= Jereme´s last blog ..An open letter to Barack Obama =-.
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Whats with ‘body type: average’?
Does that mean healthy BMI average or regular old American obesity average? Maybe he shouldn’t have clued us in with a full body photo of him in his 1920′s bathing suit.
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I know an editor who would have a hayday with this critter.
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OMG….I am crying….crying at his horrendous spelling and the complete lack of grammar (what up with all the damn question marks?) but also crying at your comments….but it’s the good-crying, as in laughing-so-hard-I’m-crying. Thank god I haven’t put on eye-makeup yet. Good one, Jami.
.-= Lesli´s last blog ..in between Palahniuk & Patterson…. =-.
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Couldn’t read his profile. My eyes crossed and began to tear.
.-= Constance´s last blog ..An Ideal Vacation Spot? =-.
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once we had the LIVE BAIT we try not, loose it unless it turns CRAPPIE!
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Oh, Jacqui, I totally forgot about that by the time I got to the end! It reminded me of this cartoon.
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My eyes crossed after the first line of smiley faces and bouncing things. I can’t read something that keeps jumping around. And what’s with the “Christian – Other” religion? Are you Christian or Other, I did not think that they are one and the same….Eyes crossed and confused.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Site of the Week Saturday =-.
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Sweet baby Jesus my eyes hurt from looking at that. Someone should ban flash emoticons.
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I especially like the dancing banana after he questions the lack of chemistry between everyone and everything.
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Well apparently there is something wrong with my browser because I didn’t get to see all the emoticons. Or maybe it was because my eyes kept twitching from the serious lack of correct spelling and the fact that NONE of this profile made any effing sense!
.-= Asha´s last blog ..It’s the Little Things =-.
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poor thing’s destiny to meet the one failed when she had a epileptic seizure reading his profile
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I could not read that. I don’t even want to try. This is why I haven’t gotten near a penis in longer than I want to admit.
I can, however, shed light on the “Christian-Other” thing. PoF allows you to choose your religion from a drop-down box. It has, if I recall, Christian-Catholic, Christian-Anglican, Christian-Protestant, and Christian-Other. So I’m going to interpret that selection as meaning he attends a nondenominational church.
.-= Sabra´s last blog ..It doesn’t mean what you apparently think it means. =-.
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i did not make through. My eyes, my eyes, my eyes
He sounds like 10 yr trapped in a grown man body.
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This makes me want to run to Wendy’s and order a frosty just to get my hands on a spork…or is a fpoon?
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“Are you the woman how wants my time, attention and respect.”
I can’t tell if he’s deeply philosopical or retarded. And why is it, the one question in that whole mess, doesn’t have a question mark?
Clearly this line is some clever allusion to Andrew Marvell’s “To His Coy Mistress”: “my intensions are friendship first. And build from there, life is short and does not wait for us to start living tommorow.”
In all fairness, maybe he has been in prison since his youth, which would explain the nonsensicalness that I just read.
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This needs to come with one of those epilepsy warnings!!!
.-= Grey´s last blog ..These Ads Always Piss Me Off…. =-.
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Not everyone clicks or has chemisty or common interest? Why?
Because it’s peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time!
Bitches.
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LMMFAO! I should have known better than to come read your blog tonight girl because I’m laughing so hard its making my chest hurt even more.
*snort*
.-= Jo´s last blog ..A Little Bit Of Love =-.
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