Oh yay! I’m so glad people were receptive to this idea!

Here is our first Sunday Showcase, proving that there are GREAT people online who know how to write GREAT profiles!

Ok, the rules: This should operate differently than our usual criticism of the fucked up Wrecks on this blog. These profiles are submitted, bravely, by people just like you. Their reason for submitting may vary, but any way it goes, I appreciate this great big leap and I don’t want to see my readers ridiculed. If you’ve got criticism, let’s keep it constructive. If you need help with this idea, see how it went down when I posted my dating profile. I got lots of honest opinions and they helped me hammer out some of the dings in my profile, making it better overall. This guy, Jonny was even like, “some of your pictures make me want to eat you up and some of them have a decidedly different effect.” Honest? YES. Helpful? INDEED.

So are you game for this?

Meet our brave first submission:

Caption: In the middle, on my 21st bday.

Caption: 3am, before my Idol audition ( nope, didn't make it! D: )

(Name Withheld)

21 / F / bisexual / Single

The Skinny

Ethnicity: White

Heigh:t 5′ 3″

Looking For: New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating

Smokes: Sometimes

Drinks: Sometimes

Drugs: Sometimes

Religion: Other and somewhat serious about it

Sign: Cancer but it doesn’t matter

Education: Working on college/university

Job: Education / Academia

Income: Less than $20,000

Kids: Likes children

Pets: Likes dogs and Likes cats

Languages: English (Fluently), French (Fluently), German (Okay), Spanish (Poorly), Japanese (Poorly)

My Self-Summary

Hi.

I grew up mainly as an only child…although it’s complicated. In a lot of ways, I had to raise myself, so I’m very independent and strong-willed. I temper that, though, with the understanding that control is an illusion and that life is better when I let go and keep my eyes open. I’m very empathetic and compassionate, and I mesh best with other people who are also caring, but who know how to stick up for themselves and their beliefs.

I’m a really intimate, affectionate person. I love kids and animals and really want to have a warm, comfortable family some day.

I thrive off adventure and novelty, and I get depressed if my life becomes dull or routine. I love traveling (really, that word should be spelled with two l’s) and getting lost.

A lot of people think I’m kind of reckless, but I’m the kind of person who would rather be sorry than safe. I’m not afraid of being hurt. I think experience – positive or negative – makes you a wiser person.
That said, I experimented a lot in high school and early college with things that were self-destructive, and I feel like I’ve mostly moved past that. I love taking risks and going on new adventures, but I try not to repeat past mistakes.

I’m a bit of a libertine and I develop my moral code based on my own personal ethics and not based on government or religion. I think the highest virtues are truth and compassion, and the biggest sins are deception and cruelty. I support Anonymous, the Pirate Party, the EFF, the ALF, and some other vigilante and anti-establishment groups, especially those that try to work within the law (it’s just smarter).

As an aside, I also love Improv Everywhere.

My sense of humor is pretty dark and sardonic – I make the distinction from sarcasm because I think sarcasm is intended to hurt someone. Example: Dead baby jokes are funny. Actual dead babies are sad. The fact that people go apeshit over an anonymous dead white baby while millions of African children die every day is funny because it’s sad. I also like ironic & absurdist humor. My favorite comedians are Mitch Hedberg, Dane Cook, and Dimitri Martin. I love xkcd and Judd Apatow.

I really like sex. I really like kinky, dirty, abusive sex. I don’t care much for casual sex or sex without intimacy. I hate people (read: guys) that are so fixated on sex that they treat you disrespectfully or can’t hold an intelligent conversation. It’s misogynistic and fucking annoying.

I value logic and intuition a lot. I trust myself and my judgments. I’m agnostic, but I’m also very spiritual, and I like to get in touch with my inner self and try to figure out where I’m meant to go. I believe everything happens for a reason and that we can always go deeper into ourselves and our lives if we’re not afraid.

My idols are Lara Croft and Lady Gaga – strong women who go after what they want and aren’t afraid to be exciting and sexy while they do it.

What I’m doing with my life

I’m at [university withheld], majoring in linguistics and minoring in French. I’m graduating in December.

As for work, I have three jobs: teaching SAT prep classes, on-call with a catering company, and temp work at the school bookstore.

I’m really good at

-psychology, linguistics…analyzing people, speech patterns, and body language

-physical affection/sex

-taking calculated risks

-writing and analyzing music, poetry, and fiction

-singing, playing guitar, and making music videos.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me

I’m very expressive. Well-spoken and kind of intense.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Organized by category, because that’s what I do.

BOOKS

-psychological/adventure/fantasy (Through the Looking Glass, The Magician’s Nephew)
-gothic/horror (Flowers in the Attic, Jane Eyre)
-pop science (blink, Bonk, Stiff)
-Bildungsroman (Mansfield Park, The Secret Garden)
-comic fantasy/sci-fi (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Hogfather)
-children’s, because children’s authors get it (The Giving Tree, Oh the Places You’ll Go, The Witches)

MOVIES

-psychological/apocalyptic (28 Days Later, The Descent)
-tragi-comedy (American Beauty, Moulin Rouge)
-period (Casanova, The Libertine, Quills, Mansfield Park)
-tragedy (Brokedown Palace, Romeo + Juliet, Titanic)
-tongue-in-cheek comedy (Bring It On, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Not Another Teen Movie)
-action/adventure (Æon Flux, anything Tomb Raider)
-fantasy/adventure/comedy (Beauty and the Beast, Hook)

MUSIC
(in order from sugar to spice!)

-bubblegum pop (Jackson 5, Miley Cyrus)
-’90s pop (Backstreet Boys, Hanson, Spice Girls)
-’80s pop (Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Michael Jackson)
-pop/rock (Adam Lambert, Kelly Clarkson, P!nk)
-’50s/’60s rock (Elvis, Johnny Cash)
-pop/punk (AFI, blink-182, Fall Out Boy, Simple Plan, Sum 41)
-electronic/dance (Aqua, Cascada, Hellogoodbye, Lady Gaga)
-whatever David Bowie is
-post-grunge (Alanis Morissette, Goo Goo Dolls)
-emo/indie/hardcore (Archie Star, Cartel, Death Cab, Jupiter Sunrise, Meg & Dia)
-punk (Distillers, Johnny Hobo & the Freight Trains)
-goth/industrial/metal (Alice in Chains, Evanescence, HIM, Manson, MSI, NIN)

FOOD

-things you find in the bakery
-things that are fried
-red meat and cheese [I'm a former vegan]
-Mexican food
-sweet potatoes + marshmallows
-corn + mashed potatoes
-popcorn + M&M’s
-ginger ale, apple juice, lemonade, tomato juice
-gin. Especially mixed with one of the above.
-margaritas. Especially when made with gin (gringo margaritas!)
-Heineken and other bread-y beers

Honestly, I just like food. SO!

FOOD I DON’T LIKE
-olives
-black licorice
-root beer
-jellybeans, Mike & Ikes, and other such nonsense
-banana peppers
-pickles
-beef/deer/soy jerkey
-foot cheese (this includes Brie, Camembert, and pretty much anything stronger than parmesan, with the exception of bleu cheese, which I like processed and in small doses)
-tequila, whiskey, rum, and dark liquors in general

The six things I could never do without

1. love

2. ambition

3. hope

4. sex

5. good food

6. music

I also need fresh air or I go crazy. So in light of the fact that I do as I please:

7. fresh air

I spend a lot of time thinking about

…the future. Who I am and how to define myself. Death. History. Relationships. Music.

Sex.

On a typical Friday night I am

At the movies. Or playing with my rats.

Ideas for future Friday nights:
1. cliff diving
2. flying to Greece
3. road trip!
4. scaling walls
5. picnics on the beach
6. getting drunk and unbearably lost in the city

Many of these things require a co-conspirator. Some require money.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

hmm.

How about:

I dislike people who have led easy lives or who shy away from uncertainty. I’m not going to waste my life with people who are afraid to live.

You should message me if

-you felt relieved/comforted when you read my profile

-you’re honest, open, and available

-you want to grow as a person and you feel like we have something to offer each other

-you actually have something interesting to say, other than “hi how are you”

-you can spell, or at least write legibly

-you’re not afraid of an independent woman, but you’re not a doormat yourself!

-you want to