Third Time Is A Charm, Right?

This one, I almost can’t believe.

Blue-Eyes still seeking – 32 (South East Houston)

OK…here we go. Let me start by saying first off that I am looking for a girlfriend, lover, soulmate. Yes, commitment. One girl, no others. Hell, even marriage(not right right off but, I do believe in love at first bite). I have no fears of being tied down, hooked, or shackled(puns included). Now that we have that out of the way. Here are the deal breakers(my part)…I have been divorced twice, with five children. The kids live with their mothers in two different states. I am an ex-con…I just got out of federal prison(three months ago) after 4 years. I work nights…hence the frustration. Interested still?…keep reading.

What I want….
Simple, a girlfriend. I want a single, divorced okay, attractive woman no older than 36. Race is not much of an issue( I have dated whites, hispanics, and asians mostly), if I find you attractive that’s all that matters on that subject. Religious preference is a factor. I’m not, nor ever will be, a Christian. I am a Pagan. If your open-minded then keep reading. I like skinny, curvy(not fat), or any size in between. I’m not really into BBW, and seriously…there is a fine line between big&beautiful(stress beautiful) and fat&average. I like sex, what man doesn’t, so being sensual is a must. I’m no vanilla in the bedroom either. I like to bite, be bitten, and love to use a little bondage, but I’m the dominant. Tattoos, piercings, and strange hair color are pluses in my book…that’s funny because I look like a straight.

Me…
I am six foot, 230lbs(love-handles), I’m not skinny and not obess. One of my best features are my eyes…heartbreakers since birth. The other is my ass…I have a bubble butt. Yep, a white guy with an ass. Had it all my life. I love to read, and have read thousands of pages in my lifetime so far. I work at night so I don’t club often, and I love to dance. Simple dates are best, not that I’m shy about spending money its just that moonlit walks on the beach hold a certain nostagia. I can be very romantic, sweet, and love to cuddle. I am not a “fuck and rollover” kind of guy. I listen to a lot ofdiferrent kinds of music, from heavy metal to R&B. I have three tattoos and three piercings. Want to know more?…ask

What I don’t want…
BITCHES! If you know your a bitch, keep moving because I’m not the one. If your trying on dicks like you try on shoes…NEXT. I will not, repeat will NOT, compete with another guy(s) for your affection. I will not tolerate cheating, at any time. You lie to me..your gone, period.

Well if you like what you read, and fit the bill then send a reponse with a picture(yes, I look at those first just like you looked at mine), a line or too that grabs my attention and I will definitly get back with you.

The good side: He’s upfront with his past and seems to have a good (albeit cheesy) idea of what he’s looking for and the things he likes/dislikes.

The bad side: He’s a man, fresh out of prison, who talks about his bubble butt. I mean, we’ve all seen OZ, right? We know what happens to regular men in prison, much less men with juicy, cute derrieres…? Right? Great selling point, holmes. I also love that he mentions that he’s had his ass all his life. Um… I’m pretty sure we all come out with asses, dude.

Let’s also touch on the fact that you’ve been married (and divorced) in two states with FIVE children between these women. No doubt, that dazzling smile and your “heartbreaking” blue eyes woo’d those women into a state of… impregnation. But really? FIVE kids? You’re only 32 years old, dude. If you popped those suckers out back-to-back, that’s seven+ years of baby making. But you seem like a nice guy… Surely you let your wives like, get a period or something before you were schtuping them again and making more babies (not to mention, that you have been unable to support whilst incarcerated).

I like how he also makes a big deal about cheating. That’s probably why both of his marriages didn’t work out, right? He got locked up and mama just needed some man lovin’ and cheated on him while he was in prison, right? OR, scenario B, wherein he walks in on some dude porking his wife and goes all ape-shit on him, thereby getting himself locked up…? I can’t decide which one I like best. They both leave a Jerry Springer taste in my mouth. Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Stand up guy, folks. Seriously.

And “trying on dicks like you try on shoes” — WTF?! Haha! I’ve never heard that one.

It’s too bad he doesn’t want a bitch. I was ALMOST ready to email him.

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