This might be the grossest Date Wreck ever…

DISCLAIMER: This post has been modified from from the original. The Date Wreck in question has asked that I remove the entire post. I am not going to to do that for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because legally, I do not have to. I have, however, removed his user name, location, and blurred his face in the images — not because I had to, but because I thought it was the right thing to do. I have informed the guilty party that I will be more than happy to remove the entire post when he writes a formal apology letter to you, The Date Wrecks community, and really, the entire online dating community. In this letter, he is to outline his offenses and shed some light on how he plans to do better if he attempts online dating again. If he provides me with this letter, I’ll gladly replace the post with it. In the meantime, enjoy this post.

Date Wrecks — helping out douchey daters, one wreck at a time.

The post will continue below:

Forgive me. I’m… in shock. And just… Sheer disbelief that someone like this exists.

Jennie sent this to me, with this email:

Oh man, this is just….just….dear god.
my retinas are destroyed from his pics and my brain hurts from some of his comments. my friend clicked on the pics and her response was ‘OH MY GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE.’ I hope you’ve already eaten lunch because if you haven’t you won’t want to after.

So, of course, I’m intrigued. I mean, can it really be that bad? I’m also a little afraid. But I forged ahead… For you guys! You can thank me by sending me all your money. I also like Target gift cards. I’d settle for barf bags though.

Oh barf. You guys! AUGH. Ok.

Here we go.

Profiling… [barf] [name withheld because he's being a whiny bitch]

THERE ARE SOME REALLY FUCKING DISGUSTING PICTURES BEHIND THIS CUT. SERIOUSLY.

Consider this your Roller Coaster Warning. Pregnant? Heart problems? You may want to just not click ahead.

[name withheld -- we'll call him "bill"]

38 / M / straight / Single

[location undisclosed]

The Skinny

Ethnicity: White

Height: 6′ 4″ (1.93m).

Smokes: No

Drinks: Sometimes

Drugs: Never

Religion: Agnosticism and somewhat serious about it

Sign: Scorpio and it’s fun to think about

Education: Graduated from two-year college

Job: Executive / Management

Income: N/A

Kids: Doesn’t want children

Pets: Likes dogs and Likes cats

Languages English: (Fluently), German (Poorly)

My Self Summary

Unlike many profiles, I’m going to be up front and honest here, to separate the timid from the assertive. It’s the latter I’m looking for.

I am D/D free, vasectomy safe, and in good condition. I am open to seeing a woman of various age (21-60) and marital status is not a barrier.

Please, no one overweight or simply content with gabbing on the phone. This isn’t high school anymore.

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit Here

I often dream about being with a small group (3-6) of women that are a blend of undergrad college age and in their 40s-50s for a evening/whole night party and I’m the only man in sight for twenty-four hours.

I’ll just let your imagination run with that as to what would possibly happen, especially with alcohol involved.

You Should Message Me If

You like what you see. Why not?

You avoid using hard drugs. You are bored with the humdrum of every day existence and want to spice things up for change.

I appreciate the PMs I have received even if things might not work out. All of you have been civil and personable and I relish your remarks and rapport.

I have no problems with contacting someone first, but prefer an interested lady to PM me first to start things out—it lets me know you are intrigued from the onset.

If you are one that smokes when she drinks, but that’s not a given. Maybe I’ll tell you why if you don’t know. (I don’t smoke myself whatsoever).

PHEW. Ok. So we made it through. Are you guys okay? I feel like… <shudder>

It puts the lotion on its skin!

Doesn’t it look like he photoshopped some other dude’s face on his body? I mean… The face just doesn’t look… right. Right? But maybe that’s not what is bothering me here… Maybe it’s the fact that HE’S NAKED AND CREEPY!

OMG. You guys!

: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

My life will never quite be the same.

I nearly sobbed through my keyboard to Jennie. Her reply was less than sensitive to my fragile condition:

haha SORRY! i didnt have time to warn you! oh man, i hope that last pic is not actually of him, otherwise that girl is probably in a dumpster in Indiana somewhere…although that is most likely a better place than where she is in that pic. Seriously, I’m going to have nightmares of that ManBeast.

Thank you, Jennie. I shall see you in my dreams nightmares.

I suppose it’s refreshing that he’s being honest about just looking for a hole to schlop his knob… I mean, I guess I’ll give him that. But HOLY HELL. Isn’t there a better venue for something like this?

I hope like hell that the white shit all over his body in that one picture is shaving cream. Oh god oh god oh god oh god. It looks a little like shortening to me though…

Thanks for putting a big black bar over your shaft in some of the pictures. It was sweet of you to still show us the head of your cock from it’s squelshed position in your hand. Oh, and thanks for the balls, too dude. Preesh.

Does anyone else think it’s a little bit funny that there is this guy who is totally naked in his pictures, standing there with an erection… And he can’t get it to stand… erect…? Like, his penis is shamefully wishing to be detached from such a douchey body. Penis is sad sad sad to be in this place.

This is officially the opposite of appetizing. EW.

And it gets better, guys…

So Buffalo Bill saw me looking at his profile on OkCupid (do you guys understand the kind of sacrifice I’m giving here, opening myself up to COMMUNICATION with this nth-level freak??) and he emailed me.

Here’s how it transpired:

Buffalo Bill:

So . . . what’s with the fascination? No offense, but you’re hundreds of miles away and have kid(s). I’m flattered, however.
C.

[EWWWWWWWWWWWW]

My reply:

Don’t be. You’re fodder for my blog. I am disgusted by your “display”.

[As an aside, I generally do NOT tell random dudes that they're being featured on the blog. The only other time I have done this was with GeekEffect, but back then, I straight up gave him a link.]

Buffalo Bill:

Consider yourself blocked. And also human fodder.

You guys. Somebody call my cell phone. There are some of you that read this and love me and you need to check and make sure I’m not in a pit somewhere, slathering lotion on my skin. SHUDDER.

My reply:

lol. I’m hurt? Douche. Nobody wants to see your old stretching skin and semi-censored cock. It’s disgusting. Upwards of 6000+ readers will see it on July 20th though. For sure.

So, I flagged his profile because really, haven’t we had enough of this shit on OkCupid, yet?! EW. Cock pictures. EW EW EW. And apparently, he blocked me. [shrug]

I went to check tonight to see if he had been banned/removed whatever, and it appears that he has. Huzzah, OkCupid! I’m going to give you guys credit for getting rid of this creepster. But then I got to thinking…

And then I got to sleuthing…

And I went to have a little chat with Mr. Google.

Apparently, Buffalo Bill has been PRETTY busy on the intertEWbs.

yafreedating1 This might be the grossest Date Wreck ever...