This one will make you cock your head…
Craigslist Crazies — By Jami on July 13, 2009 at 8:00 am
Did you see what I just did there? A subtle hint that after the cut, you’re going to see a cock.
Those of you who have strong stomachs and aren’t afraid of a stranger’s trouser snake, forge ahead! I, for one, have been slowly desensitized to the Surprise Cock… Oh, the good ol’ days… Back before my brain was partially rotten from the onslaught of unsolicited genitalia flying through the screen of my laptop and accosting my eyes.
Alia sent this one to me — and god bless her, it took some work. She sent me the link, but when I went to go see, the listing had been flagged/removed. I was all, “Noooooooooooooooo!” And she was all, “Hold on, Jami. Damn. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” And got the picture for me by some kind of interwebular magic.
Huzzah!
So, yea… There’s a penis, among other such body parts, behind this cut. Continue at your own risk.
I wanted to title this one Sphincter Squared (© Alia), but wanted to make sure I gave all of you guys who are slacking off at work a fair warning before forever staining your company’s hard drive with penises aaaaaand sphincters.
Well Guess Your All Fake. – 44 (S.lorain Co.)
Well I have posted 3 differnt posts and only got web pushers and cam women. I just wanted to find a nice good girl in good shape to move in and have kinky sex as much as we could and enjoy life. But it seems to be a joke on here. Im real. Looking for a sub for long time relaytions. Even posted a nice shot of my body.
It seems that no one can be real and reply with pics. But if there happins to be one on here get ahold of me.
&
Still wanting a nice kinky live in – 44 (S. Lorain Co.)
Looking for a high leavel sexual women. In shape or close LOL. Must be kinky and love sex of all kinds. A submissive women, that would be willing to move live with me as well as sexualy please me. She will be pleased. No druggys drinkers. I dont drink or do drugs,but very sexual. Have a big place and tried living here alone. Be will to help when needed. No gold diggers.No kidds that live with you.
Im 5 11. Fair shape at 175#. Easy going,happy go lucky,funny,goofy,silly,lovable. Any replys with no pics are not read. Get tons of them. get back with me. Thanks
Ahh, man. The joys of the internet. Where people who can’t spell and are fairly stupid can dole out a long laundry list of the kind of person that they deem good enough to date. The spelling mistakes in this one kind of make muh brane hurt.
All I want is for some really hot girl to move in with me and have sex with me! Is that asking for too much?!!? But I’m tried living here alone and the worst part is that there’s no one here to sexualy please me! I’m in fair shape, you should be in better shape than me. No gold diggers — clearly, I’m stupid — I can’t manage to write a coherent ad for sex, it’s safe to assume that I don’t have money.
The best part, I’m saving for last. It’s… [holding in the barf]
Just see for yourself. Alia’s caption sent me over the edge!
“There is so much wrong with this I can’t even compute. HOWEVER, even within the lower realms of those-who-post-cock-pictures, isn’t there rule about NOT POSTING A PICTURE OF YOUR ASSHOLE along with your smaller than average penis?”
Yes, Alia. You have a very valid [barf] point. Nothing gets a straight woman’s moter [barf] revvin’ like unimpressive cock with [barf] what seems like only one testicle and darkened anal folds and some speckling which is probably ass acne. Niiiiiice.
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23 Comments
I am so over the internet. It’s done. I’ve seen all there is to see. Ew.
.-= Adriana´s last blog ..The bitch is back =-.
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I was warned, and yet I ventured further…
That’s the last time I ignore the “Danger, ugly penis ahead!” signs.
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I tried to spare you, Melly. I really tried.
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Aside from his ridiculously stupid ads and the “speeling” mistakes, no female in her right mind would be impressed that sad excuse for man-junk. PS: Where are his balls? wth?
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According to my kids, I just spent the last 10 minutes in a state of half crying, half laughing hysteria, mumbling and whining about how I want to stab myself in the eyes with dinner forks and that I’ve officially reached the end of the internet.
That was a traumatic experience. I may need to see a therapist and be prescribed some medications to get over it.
I won’t be ignoring any more ‘warning: cock shot ahead’ signs either.
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Hey now. A few things:
1) Maybe it’s the angle, but it would appear the lad’s glans extends past his belly button, and this, according to Alia, constitutes “smaller than average penis”?
Maybe after a lifetime of Black Cock and a diesel-powered vibrator, sure.
2) The point about asshole inclusion is well taken, but can’t you at least give the guy points for his Manscaping? His balls are completely shorn. That’s not easy.
3) Ass acne is nothing to joke about. At all. Ever. ;-p
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Christopher — are you defending this noble dater because it’s really YOU?
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You caught me! Because I too am 5’11. With an apparent tattoo on my chest and one dead sexy midriff. Thanks for outing me. Thanks a LOT.
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I heart you, Christopher Calandro.
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His man junk is alot less scary than his writing skills and his apparent lack of sanity.
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Ugh, that’ll learn me to look at DW too early on a Monday morning…but like CC above I find myself wondering how large one must be for Jami to consider it impressive?
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I never said it was too small… I used the word “unimpressive.”
I’m sticking to that.
Average isn’t impressive until I’ve experienced it and can develop an educated opinion.
Furthermore, I’m always going to make fun of the penises that are attached to douche bags who include them as bait for dates. It could be a heavenly blend between girth and length with a nice straight shape and pretty balls… It’s still going to get cracked on because I shouldn’t be seeing that bad boy until I’m peeling your pants off. Ya dig?
Super Lurve
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Don’t feel bad, boys — he’s obviously taken the picture at that angle so his junk will look bigger than it actually is. I’m sure yours would be much more impressive if you took a pic from below like that, but you won’t be fooling the girls — we’ve seen it from that angle before. ;p
And, no, his “manscaping” is NOT sexy. I mean, I don’t want a full beard down there, but fully shaved just says pervert to me… I’m a grown woman, I have no interest in messing with a little boy!
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I’m with you Katryn… A little manscaping is necessary, particularly those with fro-diculious pubes.
But it’s kind of what makes a man a man, no?
I feel the same way about lady-scaping… If a guy wants me to look like a prepubescent girl, his ass is out.
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“Any replys with no pics are not read. Get tons of them.”
Um, sure you do. Everyone’s just clambering to get on that shit.
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Hurlk. >cack< Pardon me. Between laughing and near-barfing I'm having trouble here.
"I feel the same way about lady-scaping… If a guy wants me to look like a prepubescent girl, his ass is out."
I agree completely with this one James. But this guy might just be of the non-hairy type. Which of course leads one to:
"But it’s kind of what makes a man a man, no?"
Indeed. (fans self)
I also have to agree with Christopher on the "unimpressive" comment … other than the wrongness of it being in an ad that snipes at "cam women" and purports to be looking for a "nice, good girl" (WTF???), it is a completely normal size. I have partaken of the over-large, and lemme tell ya ladies, it is no picnic. "Normal" can be way funner, especially the spontaneous kind.
The 'missing' testicle might have just slipped under the radar. Had an ex who'd had hernia surgery and an appendectomy, and between the two operations things got re-strung in there a bit, so the testicle would pop in and out. Normal, but disconcerting LOL.
And used to be, I had to click a link within your blog to see this kinda stuff, so holy wow at seeing it just from the Facebook link.
OK going to wash the ick off now.
Jules
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I cannot get the phrase “ass acne” out of my head now. Nice.
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I’m not so sure it’s “manscaping” as it is “I can’t grow hair anywhere on my body”.
And NOW we know the cure for men who need that extra length….SLOUCH!!! Yeah, THAT’ll work!
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OMG.. I’ve never actually *seen* what swamp-ass looks like until today. I am emotionally scarred for life. Thank you.
My question is, why do guys post pictures of their cocks anyway? Let’s be honest, it’s not the most beautiful part of the human anatomy. It sort of makes me think of turkey necks and chicken wattles… or chewed bubblegum in the case of Mr. Sansballs there. The truth is, the only people I’ve ever seen enthusiastic to view someone else’s tube-steak is gay men. Other than that, I don’t know a single woman who’s interested in seeing that. Maybe I’m just naïve?
.-= Hungarican Stephanie´s last blog ..4th of Ravioli =-.
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DUDE. I could talk about this for days, Stephanie. DAYS.
I ::heart:: cock. I really do. I don’t think I could EVER be a lesbian because I just really like men.
And, in the right light… At the right time, sometimes a cock can be glorious. Just exactly what you want to see.
But a disembodied penis? With the owners hand on it? Close up? DUDE. Nobody wants that. Probably one of the grossest things ever.
The sad part is, this epidemic has permeated so deeply into the online dating culture, I’m fearful that it’s WORKING somewhere out there.
I wanna talk to those bitches…
And slap ‘em in the mouth.
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Oh, and I also want to say, I think that having a cock would be really fucking cool. Women don’t come equipped with shape-shifting junk. With the exception of our nipples and clitorises, which, honestly — it doesn’t compare proportionately-speaking, we do not get a body part that can grow, shrink, get hard, fill with blood, and shoot shit.
That’s a little unfair. I’m pretty sure, if I was a guy, I would touch myself a lot. Like, “Hey, check this out. [gets big] Now watch this. [gets small]” Lather, rinse, repeat.
But, as perverted as I could possibly get, I KNOW I would never, under any circumstances, email a picture of my cock to a stranger.
Maybe that’s because I consider my cuca to be sacred…?
Dudes need a dose of that vagina-powered, sacred reverence for their cocks. “You gotta earn this.”
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I laughed more at your last comment than at the post. I actually do that with my husband’s cock–touch to make it get bigger and then watch it shrink again. Giggle, repeat, and then take care of. Heaven help me if I had my own!
As for the post itself. *ahem* I agree with your diagnosis of unimpressive. I’m not much for huge cocks, I like them mid-sized, but I don’t see why there needs to be a picture of it at all unless it’s particularly interesting. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen a non-professional shot that looked good. Most people just look silly naked, unless they’re in the right context, in which case it’s glorious.
Photos almost never give that context.
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The discussion that ensued from this is funny/interesting. However, the post itself ruined my day just in time for the weekend. Leaving aside the cock issue, nobody wants to see the dingle-berries up your ass, man. Nobody. Pass the eye-bleach.
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