Here’s another run with PC — enjoy!
First:
“hi im melissa im in this boring town wit nothing to hit me up mayb we can meet send pic wit message later“
I don’t even know where to start. This looks like a secret message where I’m supposed to take out every third word or fifth letter to figure out that she’s been captured by the Taliban. Wait, I know, it’s an anagram. If I rearrange the letters, let’s see, I get this –
METHOUGHT I BE A COPYCAT NITWIT, MISS SIN, HIGH LIMIT MINOR. WIN A PINTO? EMBED NEWSMEN? SEAWATER GIMLETS.
Makes about as much sense.
“i am comfortable with who i am and my job”
k.d. lang and e.e. cummings had a kid, and she’s on craigslist.
“i have a crush on someone but i am sure that he does not feel the same way”
Also, I am perfectly comfortable bringing baggage into a new relationship.
“i thought i had found the one but i let him get away so i am starting over again.”
Great, I can’t wait to be compared to the guy you really love. Let the pining begin. Can I get you some more melancholy?
“i only respond to people that live close enough for us to date and get to know each other”
She’s writing from another state. Well into another state. I can’t make this stuff up, I’m not clever enough.
Second:
I very nearly missed this next one because I thought it was a random string of words that were just pasted together. I call it “Metaphor Soup”:
“Connection-thirst driven attempt to draw at this albeit iffy craigslist well; not really liking having to be, but (nature of the game): ready to spit out possible poison, then again liking also being ready to tip the ladle, parallel to careful prayerful call to one that might fit the certain glove of what I have to give, along with call to One above who knows the need of both and path that each will gladly seek to later lead to urge to merge; here not gulping before tasting, but hopeful sipping water clear with gentle flow to quenching. “
It might be free form beatnik coffee house poetry. Or maybe it’s just filthy.
Strangely enough, this was the very next post:
“You Be Erudite, I’ll Be Scintillating, It’ll Be Resplendent – 39 (The Library) Phantasmagorical demimondaine entreats indulgence of charismatic grandee (or reasonable fascimile) for correspondence antecedent to presumptive consummation.
Verbal virility obligatory. Se lei capisce, scrive.”
Here, I’ll translate: “Female in search of male with really big dictionary, must be willing to spend a lot of time searching for my thesaurus.” Clever ad really, I won’t even bring up the fact that she misspelled facsimile.
Third:
“this blonde, blue-eyed , single woman is seeking a single man, that’s looking to fill his back seat.”
Please, please be talking about a motorcycle.
“I’m the kind of girl you can take home to Mom & the family…………..but can be a devil in private”
So she’s a somewhat kinky girl, the kind you might bring home to mother? Is she a Sortafreak, Sortafreak, she‘s Sortafreaky?
“i love the outdoors, going to dinner, seeing live music, having some beers. im up for anything but a one night stand.”
Translation:Â The third date is the fun one.
“i forgot to add that if a barbie doll is what your looking for then im not it. “
Oh that’s cute. No sweetie, you didn’t forget to add it, I can see it right there. See the words at the end of the message you wrote? That’s what they mean.
Hey, folks — Don’t forget to check in on Wednesday for a little tag-team rippin’ up. PC and I will join forces in a new series, He Said – She Said. Fun Fun Fun!
