From Your Inbox: How about never?
— By Jami on September 30, 2009 at 9:29 pm
A reader submitted this brilliant pick up line delivered over instant messenger at OkCupid:
billybob0017: so when u ganna let me give u a warm oil massage and oral for hours
billybob0017
27 / M / straight / Single
Dalton, Pennsylvania
My Self-Summary
im kris im single im not here looking for gold diggers im looking for real women who want something not see what they wanna get so if ur interested get at me
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
i pick my nose lol
Of course, I left the rest of his profile out because these two paragraphs were just… They were enough, right? [shaking head]
Kris! What were you thinking??!
Yes, sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith. You have to muster up all your courage and strike out and do something awesome!
This.is.not.awesome.
It’s creepy.
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14 Comments
That’s not creepy.
That’s *nassy*
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He does not want gold diggers, yet he is a nostril miner. Irony? or just Why-rony?
Super Lurve
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What do you mean ‘what were you thinking?!’ – he was thinking about giving a hot oil massage, followed by (or during?) oral for hours.
Here’s a cheap shot: It certainly looks like eating something is the *only* thing he could do for that long.
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Behold all the gold you could potentially be digging for.
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“im kris”
I understand
“im single”
I understand (totally, but that’s not the point)
im not here looking for gold diggers
I understand
“im looking for real women who want something not see what they wanna get”
uh? Sorry, me foreigner. What the heck does that mean?
so if ur interested get at me
I understand. To avoid deception, please also understand that very few women will be interested by a warm oil massage and hours-long oral given by a nose-picking obese penguin.
Super Lurve
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You musn’t forget the moobs. Supple, juicy moobs.
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I feel sick now…
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At first I thought his name was “billyboob” which would actually suit him a little better. Ew. Just. Ew.
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“im not here looking for gold diggers”
Because I know that was the first thing I thought. “He’s so well fed…he MUST be wealthy”.
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Well without knowing how much they had messaged back and forth before this, it does seem to jump the gun a little. He is offering hours of oral sex, presumable on the first date. Now I am no expert in the field, but I would suggest that cunnilingus is something normally worked up too in a relationship (choosing words carefully here). So by proposing a rub down and oral sex, he is basically projecting what would give him pleasure, but cannot see how that amount of intimacy on a first date might make you feel uncomfortable, or simply be a turn off. So, that leaves us with a hetrosexual young man who cannot empathize with women, unfortunately not a scarce species. Well you could look on the bright side, at least he didn’t offer anal sex.
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It was an introductory instant message, I believe.
Class-say, mo’fos.
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He was like hi how are you and then he got all creepy and wanted oral sex a few minutes later. And I never talked to him before. Ever.
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Reminds me of a MASH episode, Trapper John was at the bar chatting to a nurse, got blow off and she stormed out, so Duke asked him about his ‘technique’ and he explained he usually brought one round of drinks, then asked the nurse for sex right away. He explained this way he kept his overheads (the drink) down, as well as time invested, and could move on to the next nurse. Perhaps that is what is going on here, one quick hello, then an invitation for sex. I wonder what his positive response ratio is?
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Oh, god, someone please pass me the brain bleach.
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