PC: Well Jami, this week’s submission has a lot going for him. White collar professional, clean cut boy, seems to have an idea of what he’s looking for, well, let’s let him speak for himself…
Jami: Aaaaand HE’S CRAZY!
stormchaser_82
27 / M / straight / Single
I am happy, blunt, and energetic
My Self-Summary
I am currently 27 and happily single and just looking for fun and friends and not something serious right now. I am a white collar person (suit and tie or collared shirt and dockers) in the corporate world. Am looking for a woman, regardless of age, who is white collar as well, or an 18-19 year old girl for fun. Nothing wrong with blue collar jobs, but I am a white collar person looking for the same.
I am a very blunt person and know what I like and want. If that bothers you, then go away as I don’t need to explain myself to you.
Although I am not always business. For example I live on a second floor condo and love walking out on my back patio naked. Don’t worry, the ledge is high enough so you dont see anything below the mid chest. But it is kinky to know your naked and others dont. Sometimes to be naughty or kinky, I’ll wear only a pair of thigh high stockings, but no one knows (and no i am not a crossdresser)
What I’m doing with my life
My AIM screen name is buckeyesooner82
I’m really good at
writing erotica. There is a difference between cyber sex and erotica. Cyber sex is where a guy messages a lame pick up line and purely plays with himself while not caring about the female’s needs. Erotica involves a long drawn out passionate scene with lots of details. It is designed to arouse the reader, a female since I am straight, yet I stay unaroused because I want her to be satisfied. I want her to become aroused wet, and eventually climax in her panties.
The six things I could never do without
Friends
Football
My parent’s dogs
My job
Italian Food
Naked Sundays (hey cant wear a suit every day)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
erotica, incest, lingerie, stockings, golden showers, group sex note I am not in incest but a lot of readers like reading about it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Relaxing from a hard week of work and writing some erotica if not hanging out.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I love older women. They are more mature and easier to please than younger women (and not just at sex). Most of them are already gainfully employed and already know what they want to do with their life.
I also enjoy girls around 18-19 (no children because I am not into that disgusting stuff) though more for fun than love. I see that age as more fun and power play and trying new things.
I think age difference is hot taboo!
Also when I was in grade school this girl and I felt each other up on the school bus and both ended up peeing on the bus.
You should message me if
You want to hear an erotic story to make you climax. If not, then please just move on. I love telling erotica online and not looking for anything serious.
If you dont know the difference between erotica and cyber sex, DONT MESSAGE ME!
Also if you are fat and overweight, DONT MESSAGE ME! A BBW is an oxymoron. Being overweight is not a turn on for me as being fat means you are not healthy.
And if you are 18 years old and have a kid, I sure as hell DONT want to talk to you. That means you are a slut and trash and I dont like trash.
Jami:Ah, such a good profile. Full of twists and turns and surprises. You guys never seem to disappoint with the submissions. Bless you.
PC: “I am a very blunt person and know what I like and want. If that bothers you, then go away as I don’t need to explain myself to you.” Now, I don’t know about you, but I can appreciate this. He’s just being forthcoming, straightforward, he’s being honest. Sure, it can come off a bit snooty, saying he’s looking for someone white collar, but hey, to each his own. I mean, it’s not like he’s some freak, right?
Jami: No, true. I guess this is a good thing. But then he follows it up and fucks it all up with this naked patio escapades.
PC: Oh. Right. I believe the word I’m looking for here is “whuh?”
Jami: I was thinking something more along the lines of, “DUDE. Get your pants!” Can you imagine if this was your upstairs neighbor. You’re just lounging on YOUR patio and all of sudden, you hear his sliding door glide open. You glance up and see ball sack. Nice. Evening –> ruined. RUINER!
PC: Now, I’m not exactly an authority on the subject, but I’m pretty sure that if you find yourself in a position where you have to say “no I am not a crossdresser”, then yeah, you’re a crossdresser.
That seems right up there with guys who claim they’re not gay because the dude was sucking their cock, instead of the other way around.
Jami: “As long as our balls don’t scrape, we’re good, man. Totally NOT gay.” One of my favorite parts: “What I’m doing with my life — My AIM screen name is buckeyesooner82″ Gosh, you guys. This = beautiful.
It’s like… Really? What ARE you doing with your life Storm Chaser? Well, I’m sitting on the computer every night talking on AIM like it’s 1999.
I’m also taking issue with his stance on writing erotica. I’m PRETTY sure that should be left to lonely women and lesbians. I have NEVER read any erotica by a man, but I’m thinking it would go something like, “He touched her boob. Then finger banged her. She came like a motherfucker on his hands then he fucked her brains out. The End.” And like we’re supposed to believe that while this dude is spouting off his “erotica” over IM with some broad, he’s not wrapping his bow tie around his wanker? I‘m pretty sure that’s ALL the sex this dude is getting.
PC: Okay, once again, if you have to go to great lengths to assure the world that you’re not, you probably are. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Dude, just be who you are and embrace it, rather than hiding in your stockings behind your ledge, unaroused by the women you are attempting to arouse.
Jami: With your bow tie. On your patio…
PC: >Okay, mental image: thigh high fishnets and a bow tie. And nothing else.
Jami: Bow chica bow wow. And ON THE LORD’S DAY! For shame, dude. For shame. Naked Sundays are NOT cool when you’re alone. It’s what we call pathetic.
PC: Actually, with that image I don’t hear porn music, for some reason I hear circus music.“I spend a lot of time thinking about erotica, incest, lingerie, stockings, golden showers, group sex note I am not in incest but a lot of readers like reading about it.” Wow. That there is one Hell of a combination. So, essentially, a good night would entail getting all dolled up in something sexy, pissing on his entire family, then sitting down and writing a detailed report about it.
Jami: Sounds like a SUPER Thanksgiving. When do I get to meet your parents?!
PC: Hey Jami, how is going down on your sister like drinking non-alcoholic beer?
Jami: I give up, PC. How?
PC: It may taste the same, but it just ain’t right!
Jami: [guffaw] “On a typical Friday night I am — Relaxing from a hard week of work and writing some erotica if not hanging out.” Man, I know! When I have had a long week, ALL I want to do is slip into some man panties and hang out with my crossdressing self. I get it.
PC: Hanging out of his crotchless panties, no doubt.
“The most private thing I’m willing to admit here –I love older women. They are more mature and easier to please than younger women (and not just at sex). Most of them are already gainfully employed and already know what they want to do with their life.” I was actually kind of relieved when I read this. After all, it had been so bad up to this point, I was bracing myself for much worse. So I breathed a sigh of relief.
Then I read on.
Jami: “I also enjoy girls around 18-19 (no children because I am not into that disgusting stuff) though more for fun than love. I see that age as more fun and power play and trying new things. I think age difference is hot taboo!” DUUUUDE. I’m no expert, but I’m PRETTY sure that 18-19 year old girls who are looking for fun are NOT seeking out the dude that works at the weather channel that wears bow ties and pinky rings.
PC: No children. For the third and final time, what have we established about people who keep talking about what they’re not into?
Jami: Here’s a tender moment: “Also when I was in grade school this girl and I felt each other up on the school bus and both ended up peeing on the bus.”
HEY! DUDE! Not.Okay. This.is.not.okay. I wonder who ELSE he pee’d on or was pee’d on by as a child to warp him mind so much. Mommy dearest??
PC: Okay, first I threw up in my mouth a little. Then I threw up a lot. Then I realized, this never actually happened. He’s trying to draw the reader into his little world of incestuous crossdressing pee-rotica. Once I realized this, I threw up some more.
Jami: God, you’re smart PC. Pee-rotica? Now THAT would be a Madonna tour worth going to see. Erotic, erotic, release your pee all over my body.
PC: That’s how you know urine love
Jami: Zing! Zang!
PC: “You should message me if — You want to hear an erotic story to make you climax. If not, then please just move on. I love telling erotica online and not looking for anything serious. If you dont know the difference between erotica and cyber sex, DONT MESSAGE ME!” Also, don’t message him if you don’t know the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor.
Jami: “Also if you are fat and overweight, DONT MESSAGE ME! A BBW is an oxymoron. Being overweight is not a turn on for me as being fat means you are not healthy.” Can I get the definition of the word healthy please? Could you use it in a sentence?
PC: Banging your sister while blowing your brother in a frilly negligee is not healthy.
Jami: Beautiful. “And if you are 18 years old and have a kid, I sure as hell DONT want to talk to you. That means you are a slut and trash and I dont like trash.” I wonder if I should include something in my profile, like… “If you are a freakaleak that will steal my thigh highs and then pee on me, DON’T EMAIL ME, because you are fucked in the head.”
PC: Oh Jami, don’t rain on his parade. I love to hear scumbags spout morals and pass judgment. Piss on him. Oh, wait…
Jami: It’s a beautiful thing. We’re going to leave you guys with the conversation that started it all. Hopefully, it’ll inspire some of you to keep your eyes open for a wreck sniffing around near you. Our brave Date Wrecks Submitter actually talked to this dipshit. Here’s how it went:
sharp dressed man: hi do you dress white collar for work, church, or play (dresses, skirts, nylons/opaques/stockings, heels, etc)? and no this is NOT a sexual question
brave date wrecks reader: wait, what?
sharp dressed man: what part didnt you follow?
PC: Proposed retort for our submitter: “The part where you started talking to me out of the blue.” This little douche went wee wee wee wee all the way home.
Jami: END SCENE.
