I caught a CRAZY!

Fantasy_carl

Ethnicity Native American, White, Other

Height 2′ 3″ (0.69m).

Looking For Activity partners

Smokes No

Drinks Not at all

Drugs Never

Religion Other and very serious about it

Sign Gemini but it doesn’t matter

Education Graduated from Ph.D program

Job Computer / Hardware / Software

Income Rather not say

Kids Dislikes children

Pets Owns cats

Languages English, Other (Fluently), *Sign Language (Fluently), C++ (Fluently)

My self-summary

my name is carl. i am a human. i live at home with my 13 cats. their names are Listless, Chasity belt, virus, rabbit, borat, Napoleonic, dancer, jiggles, Jesus, Athena, Aphrodite, filbert,and poltergeist. i only wear white underwear and collect urine samples frequently. i have a huge collection of celeb urine samples that i’ve bought off ebay.

i grew up in the red scare and think that sputnik still circles the earth. i am looking for someone to come live with me in my fully stocked basement against the inevitable apocalypse. i currently have 758,000,028 can foods stocked in my basement, which i am still adding to constantly (this includes all the cat food for my 13 cats to eat for 700 years, im not lying. we’re totally prepared). i am actively seeking a partner to help me continue the human race when the Mayan prophecies come to pass.

please comment if interested.

What I’m doing with my life

I am currently in the process of finishing my video game. i have been working on it for 13 years. it is almost complete. i have to just add some more evil villains and a few more Forest fires. i love my cats.

more importantly, i am almost complete with my life works. one book on the Apocalypse of the human race as well as my autobiography called “Simply Carl: my life in the post-apocalyptic feline world” (it explains in it why i am working so hard to preserve the feline race because of the same beliefs that the ancient egyptians observed).

for spare money (on account of the fact that my revenue is mostly scarce) i often donate to the sperm banks to ensure my seed continues to carry and sell my urine on ebay (for future generations to experience my genius and Nostradamus-like predictions) well not everybody finds my urine usable in this way, so i have supplemented it a website called http://www.pretestedurine.com/. please check it out, support my habit.

I’m really good at

-urinating
-feeding and preserving cats
-preparing for an apocolypse
-identifying celeb urine (i can do this by sight, smell or taste alone)
-playing patty-cake with the neighbor girl.
-intercourse (solely for creating an heir to the fantasy carl dynasty)
-video game creation
-chatting online
-stockpiling weapons, food, and cats.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me

i don’t leave my house often, so i have been told by online dates and chatroom frequenters that i smell deliciously like cats. i am hoping to meet and have a first in-person date so that you can tell me what you notice about me (besides my huge intellect and splend

id brain). i am waiting to have my first female encounter. i hope that i can find someone here, as nothing else has worked. and hopefully i can find someone that shares the same world views as me. it gets lonely in here, sometimes, thinking about the end times when no one else does.

The six things I could never do without

i cant pick just six! thatd be like a mother choosing betwixt her children!

1. Listless
2. Chasity belt
3. virus
4. rabbit
5. borat
6. Napoleonic
7. dancer
8. jiggles
9. Jesus
10. Athena
11. Aphrodite
12. filbert
13. poltergeist

the order holds no preference in my preferences of my felines, but rather the order in which they came to me.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

end times, feline reproduction, urine, feces, video game villains.

On a typical Friday night I am

playing with my cats. ordering groceries offline to be delivered to me. urinating into a cup for my upcoming weeks of urine sales. i go play video games and stroke my kitties. sometimes i play with samantha, the neighbor girl, until dark.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

i’ve had sexual thoughts about only one of my cats. listless.

You should message me if

please. message me. i love to chat.

Ok. So that’s pretty fucking weird, right? He looked at my page, so I looked at his page and then he saw me looking at his page and sent me an instant message.

It was all down hill from there.

Please, take the time to read this exchange. It will be worth it.

fantasy_carl:hello

fantasy_carl:are you interigued ?

Jami:no, i don’t think so…

fantasy_carl:i cannot help but notice you came back for seconds

fantasy_carl:you looked twice

Jami:seconds?

Jami:wow

Jami:no. thanks.

fantasy_carl:why

fantasy_carl:this is urgent

fantasy_carl:i want to help so bad

fantasy_carl:please help me

Jami:wtf?

an style=”color:blue;”>fantasy_carl:let me explain better please

fantasy_carl:this is of utmost importance

fantasy_carl:hello

fantasy_carl:are you still with me

fantasy_carl

This is when any normal person would walk away. But I smelled FODDER. And I was right.

Jami:continue….?

fantasy_carl:I am deaply concerned about the mayan prophecies

Jami:ummm…..

fantasy_carl:i want to make sure we do not disappear as the human race

fantasy_carl:this is serious

Jami:seriously? dude.

Jami:this is weird is what it is

fantasy_carl:dont be afraid, i only want to help

fantasy_carl:please

fantasy_carl:join my quest

Jami:wow

fantasy_carl:why dont you believe me ?

Jami:dude

Jami:i think you need some friends. maybe a hobby.

Jami:perhaps a shrink.

fantasy_carl:yes

Jami:and a new hairstyle, if i’m just helping you out.

fantasy_carl:please help me out

fantasy_carl:i am very lonely

fantasy_carl:ive never touched a woman

fantasy_carl:in person

Jami:no, i’m sorry. i am not your girl.

Jami:good luck.

fantasy_carl:can you still be mine friend please

fantasy_carl:please

fantasy_carl:i feel a connection

Jami:no… i don’t think so

fantasy_carl:your kindness give me hope

fantasy_carl:would you like a cat ?

fantasy_carl:as a peace offering?

lass=”MsoNormal” style=”line-height:normal;”>Jami:BWAHAHA

Jami:no

fantasy_carl:if you will not help me, please at least help the cats

fantasy_carl:http://countdowntoapocalypse.com/

Jami:i am allergic…?

fantasy_carl:this is serious stuff

Jami:no

Jami:this is crazy stuff

fantasy_carl:i have a hairless cat

fantasy_carl:jiggles

Jami:mister crazy person

Jami:lmfao

fantasy_carl:please do not laugh your freaking anus off

fantasy_carl:it offends me

Jami k. so… i write this blog.

Jami:this online dating blog

Jami:where i showcase the freaks and weirdos

Jami:you are so totally going on it

fantasy_carl:yes

fantasy_carl:thank you for the publication

fantasy_carl:this publicity

fantasy_carl:helps greatly with my cause

fantasy_carl:i am forever indeed with you

Jami:no problem. i’m sure everyone will, um… enjoy you… lmfao

fantasy_carl:please let me offer you a urine sample

fantasy_carl:you may take your pick

Jami h shit

Jami:this is awesome

fantasy_carl:YES, does this mean you’ll reconsider now ?

fantasy_carl ne child

fantasy_carl:please

fantasy_carl:may i have the link to your blog

fantasy_carl:id like to me a member

Jami:there isn’t membership

fantasy_carl:

i will help you in any means nesscary’

fantasy_carl:because of your help to me

fantasy_carl:if you ever decide you want a cat

Jami:i am not helping you

fantasy_carl:please contact me

Jami:i will be making fun of you

fantasy_carl r if you would like a free trail of my new game

fantasy_carl r a signed copy of my book

fantasy_carl:a day in the life of carl

fantasy_carl:please let me know

fantasy_carl:please tell me

Jami:i hope you’re not joking. this will be way funnier if you’re just some freak

fantasy_carl:what persay is your blog

fantasy_carl:i wiould like to add a link to my apocalyse warnming page

fantasy_carl:and would love to keep in touch

fantasy_carl:with my new friend

fantasy_carl:Jami

fantasy_carl:is that your real name ?

Jami:hahahaha

Jami:no

fantasy_carl hh

fantasy_carl:are you a liar

fantasy_carl:i dont like liars

Jami:newp

fantasy_carl:my mail order bride was a liar, they never shipped her.

Jami:just someone who stumbled upon a freakin’ GOLD MINE

Jami:lmfao

fantasy_carl:i was sad

fantasy_carl:gold mine ?

fantasy_carl:can you please donate to my cause

fantasy_carl:i am in deep need of funds

fantasy_carl:for my canned food section

fantasy_carl:i have however just built a water reservoir

fantasy_carl:you should see it

fantasy_carl:would you like to visit me sometime ?

fantasy_carl:for your blog ? a personal. interview would be nice

fantasy_carl:it’s been awhile since i have had human contact

fantasy_carl:i miss the company

fantasy_carl:the cats get somewhat redundant

fantasy_carl:hello ?

fantasy_carl:did you leave me ?

fantasy_carl:please still be there ?

fantasy_carl h damn, i fear i have scared another potential mate off.

fantasy_carl:please excuse my blunt ethics.

fantasy_carl:forgive me.

fantasy_carl:please message me

So, yea, I think maybe he was fucking with me… But only maybe… Because there are really fucking creepy people out there, right? I couldn’t bring myself to continue to hang out and find out more about him.

CREEEPY!