Date Wrecks:

Our first JDate submission! YAY!

Ashlee sent this submission in, with the email correspondence:

(from douche)

lol I knew I shouldn’t have left the house that night looking so cute.. will I
ever learn?… haha..
If it was you, you claimed you were a good dancer.. I’m telling you right now to
forget about it! I haven’t lost a dance off in 7 years (3 of them thanks to
group fitness instructing), I even won a trophy once for doing the “Roger
Rabbit” and the “Robot” at the SAME time. I still sleep with it in my arms every
night

work and clases all week? I can relate, just finished up my master’s from UMD
while working full time! I’ve always liked a smart girl, but I know it’s
important to have fun too (just started taking improv classes in d.c.) – so
guess whattt? I’ve devised a test to tell how creative someone is. It took many
years of study and research to develop it. I’m warning you.. it’s very difficult!!!

Very few have ever had the strength to complete it.

Finish this poem:
Roses are red
Violets are blue…

Good luck

(ashlee)

umm haha sorry definitely not me…. I’ve had work and evening classes all week, sorry.

(douche)

you are totalllly that cute girl who molested me at the bar the other night…
naughty naughty… ha ha
-Allen

Aaaaand, because Ashlee is the shit, she was generous enough to fetch us his profile!

Looking for: Â Â Â Â A date, Friend, Activity Partner
Relocation: Â Â I’m not sure if I want to relocate
Relationship Status: Â Â Single
Children: Â Â Â None
Plan on having children: Â Â Â Â I’m not sure if I want to have children
Custody Situation: Â Â Â I have no children
I keep Kosher: Â Not at all
I go to Synagogue: Â Â Â Sometimes
I smoke: Â Â Â Â Non-Smoker
I drink: Â Â Â Â Socially
Zodiac Sign: Â Â Sagittarius
Activity Level: Very Active

Physical Info

I am: Â 5′ 10″ (178 cm) I weigh: Â Â Â Â 152 Pounds (69 kg)
My hair is:   Black  My eyes are:   Brown
My body style is closest to: Â Â Firm &Toned

Background

I grew up in: Â The Beach
My ethnicity is: Â Â Â Â Mixed Ethnic
I speak: Â Â Â Â English
My Religion: Â Â Culturally Jewish but not practicing
I studied or am interested in: Â Business: Info Management
My education: Â Master’s Degree
Occupation    Internet/Ecommerce/Technology
Occupation description: Business Doctor (lots of traveling)
Annual income: Â Will tell you later
Political Orientation: Â Unspecified

Personality and Interests

My personality is best described as: Adventurous/Wild/Spontaneous, Flirtatious/Playful, High Energy, High Maintenance, Outgoing, Self Confident, Talkative
In my free time, I enjoy: Entertaining, Gambling, Hanging Out with Friends, Intimate Conversations, Motorcycling, Partying, Photography, Shopping, Traveling/Weekend Trips/Adventure, Travel
In my free time, I like to go to: Amusement Parks, Bars/Nightclubs, Beach, Comedy Clubs, Live Theater, Raves/Underground Parties, Shopping Malls, Volunteer Events
My favorite physical activities: Aerobics, Biking, Working Out/Weightlifting, Martial Arts, Yoga/Meditation
My favorite food(s): American, Chinese/Dim Sum
My favorite music: Country, Dance/Electronica, Rap/Hip Hop
I like to read: Fiction, Magazines, Non-Fiction

Relationships

My perfect first date: No granny panties! (unless you are actually a grandma Adventurous, at least least 400 on a scale from 1-546 and willing to jump on the back of my bike.
My ideal relationship: Able to party, but not a party girl.
My past relationships: Have to screen to make sure you won’t steal our furniture (just re-conditioned the couches) and eat all the marshmallows out of our count chocula… ha. No BORING PEOPLE… You must be fun! In my world everyone is good looking, so what is it thats beautiful about you besides your looks… that’s what’s important.

My Ideal Match

Age Range: 18 to 25
Relationship Status: Single, Divorced, Separated, Widowed
Education Level: Elementary, High School, Some College, Associate’s Degree, Bachelor’s Degree, Master’s Degree, JD/Ph.D/Postdoctoral
I am looking for a: I like a girl that’s optimistic and passionate about whatever you set out to do. She’s got goals of pursuing an advanced degree such as Phd or masters. Being able to beat me in a Wii game is a plus.

Ashlee says: “Wonder if that schtick works on every girl on Jdate?” [shaking my head] I certainly HOPE not.

So, can we address the fact that your eyes are blue in that last picture, JDouche Dater? And you list them as brown? Are you really a dude that wears colored contacts?? SOO much to be said about that. *ahem*

And did he just eliminate a potential first date because of her underwear?! What if… I mean, what if it’s laundry day? What if she’s just wearing her period panties? Even I was interested in dating this high maintenance, rave-attending mallrat, I’d intentionally wear my granniest of panties on our first date. Douche.