More of the PC’s greatest hits…
First
“looking for conversation single male company – 49 (central vt) Good evening.Iam looking for stimulating conversation on thursday with a single man.“
Damn it, I missed my window.
“I would enjoy the company,serious replys will be answered,we will have coffee differently or pepsie what ever you prefer?????”
Well, if I had contacted you, the first thing we would have discussed is how to have coffee “differently”. I can only think of two ways to put coffee in my body, and quite frankly, either one would probably make me quite jittery. I don’t think I would prefer Pepsi either, the bubbles, well, you know. Brings new meaning to “Have a Coke and a smile”.
Second:
“looking for mr.right – 27 (st,albans, vermont) I looking for some that know what they want in life that is honesty, sweety, ect that does not lie or cheat i looking for a long term relationship right now someone that i can spend time and to get to know and that know how to treat a women”
This one was so garbled and convoluted, I thought I’d try a little experiment. I ran it through some translation software. After translating it from “English” to Portuguese, then back to English, then to Japanese, and then back into English again, I came up with the following: “Those that he-27 (st, albans, vermont) I, who search for it, find little who know. In other words, I who swindle it spend the time. When finding relations in a long proper period now, and I (who does not attach) can be able to know the lie that wishes, what with uprightness with life and the one woman who knows as pleasure.”
Granted, I added the punctuation, but which one makes less sense? You be the judge.
“cute down to earth girl looking to start over – 27 (Burlington) wassup, after a long day of work i don’t feel like thinking, so i’ll just type whats on my mind.”
Perfect. I really want to read what’s on your mind when you don’t feel like thinking. Here, I’ll just save us both a lot of time and stare at a blank piece of paper.
“I’m 27 with teal eyes and short light blonde hair.”
You don’t have teal eyes. They’re not azure, turquoise, cerulean, indigo or sapphire. They’re either blue or green, or maybe bluish green. Now stop it.
“I am 5’4″ and average size. I am looking for new friends, dating, or depending on the maybe a friends with benefits relationship.
There’s a word or phrase missing in that last sentence, and I’m just going to guess what it might have been. Depending on the… let’s see. Phases of the moon? Amount of tequila in your pantry? Daddy issues that can’t seem to be resolved? Size of my cock?
“i’m looking for a guy who is intelligent and a guy who i can enjoy movies with.”
Are they both the same guy? She means watching movies, not making them. I’m pretty sure.
“in the bed room, most things are on the table.”
Okay, I may have spoken too soon.
Third:
I’ll wrap it up today with an ad I found it in w4m weeks ago. Let me preface it by saying that I do not condone cheating, if you cheat on a person who trusts you, male or female, I wish you no end of STDs, as long as you don’t pass them on to anyone else, you filthy rotten whore. I take great care in only commenting on real ads from real people, and this ad was probably not real, but I don’t care, because it is veritably steeped in awesomeness.
“Dad, I know you’re on here And I know you’re cheating on Mom with several women. Now, do you want to tell her, or should I?”
Several days later I found the response in Rants and Raves:
“Sara, please don’t tell your mother as she would take everything I own.
Times right now are extremely hard at work and to be honest your mom stopped having sex many years ago with me.
You see Sara your mom likes her hairdresser a whole lot more than me these last few years. That’s right she switched teams back in 2001 right after 9/11.
We talked about it and she said something about not wanting to die alone, whatever that means. Well Sara I came to accept this and your mom thinks I’M not interested in sex anymore.
So in short yes you would hurt me financially but you would hurt your mom more mentally. The decision is up to you in the end… PS just remember who makes your car payments.”
Awesomeness.
The Personals Critic
