This.is.NOT.OKAY!
— By Jami on September 11, 2009 at 8:00 am
So, back in January, I cross posted something from Date Wrecks onto my journal at OkCupid.
It was this post:
How NOT to start an IM conversation on OKC:
douchebag:hey
me:hi there
douchebag:how are you
me:pretty good
me:about to turn in for the night
me:you look much older than 23
douchebag:thx?
me:lol
douchebag:so, whats the tattoo on ur chest for?
me:attention?
me:lol
me:no it’s really in memory of my grandmother
me:she used to wear this god awful qvc-style grandma pendant
douchebag:so u put that same awful pendant on ur chest?
me:mine is way prettier than hers
douchebag:lol
me:so your profile is pretty empty man…
douchebag:well, if u have questions… ud ask
me:lol
me:interesting
me:you message me… and then i’m prompted to ask the questions…
me:this is a whole new experimental thing, no? lol
douchebag:well, if u have questions, ud ask
douchebag:just like i had questions… i asked
me:hmmm…
me:ok
douchebag:like… if ur interested… ud be active
douchebag:active listening… ask questions etc
me:alright, well
me:nice talking to you
me:good luck with this approachAnd then insert some stupid ass rambling from some stupid motherfucker who thinks he’s God’s gift to women.
What the hell is wrong with some people?? If your profile is empty, what is there to be interested in??
And I received a few comments on OkCupid, mostly decent:
- This, unfortunately, is a hilariously accurate summation of most IM conversations I have had with the other fine patrons of OKCupid. It is rumored that the addition of web camera video is being considered for the chat application. I can not fathom a more awful idea. I can only imagine it as a zoetrope of desperate stupidity.
- Funny… this sounds a bit like the “mystery” approach some guys do in bars.
- Wow. After reading this, I think I have more game than Tom Jones now.
- That’s fantastic – maybe that’s where I’m going wrong! From now on, it’s a bare bones profile, chat speak, and mystery for me!
- Hey at least he didn’t ask you for a vagina pic right off the bat.
The last comment would prove to be… Ominous.
Four months would go by until I received another comment on this journal entry… And it was a quick descent downhill:
Thanks for this insight into the phenomenon of IMing, Cyber-dating, and the state-of-art in tastelessness of modern communications in America today, even if imaginary. I am curious though, if asked, would you have shown your ******, on an I-cam, for example?
…Uh. Wait. WHAT? Did you just suggest that I would perhaps show my FUCKING PUSSY on icam?!
So I went and fetched his profile, to see what kind of nth level creepyfuck I was dealing with… Oh god.
Yea, that’s right. Grandpa suggested I reveal my most private of privates on icam. This is… Dammit. Just nasty.
Lecherous. Disgusting. EW.
He took his profile down after he made that comment to me. And it’s a good thing to. Freak beacon, I tell you man… I did, however, get a visit from this man who turns out to be the same dude.
UGH. Nice iStock Photo there, creeptastic.
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19 Comments
AHHHHHHH Don’t click his profile or he will MESSAGE YOU. Just a warning to everyone else.
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Freak bacon! Also, what the hell is going through a dude’s mind when he asks a chick to see her good girl on camera after 5 min of conversation? I mean, it had to have worked at least once for them to think it’s ok, right? Eww.
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Your “good girl”? My heart just stopped, I’m sure, from the furious giggling.
Mine is a bad, bad girl. I’m sure of that.
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Mine is a virtuous boy, at the moment.
Mostly because he hasn’t had any “bad influences” yet…
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He kinda looks like he just ate a lemon. Or he needs to have a poop.
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I’m fearful that this happens to most old people’s faces. I think it’s because Metamucil tastes so bad.
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You are wise, Jami. Wise indeed. That said, it might just be an old-man-face, but couldn’t we also say that he needs a good poop? I like saying that.
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i think it’s appropriate. anytime my son says his stomach hurts, my first suggestion is to sit on the pooper and make some business.
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What gets me about his picture is the top of the granddaughter’s head popping into his photo. Like he wasn’t gross enough, he can’t even crop the kid out of his dating pic? Skeevy, skeevy, skeevy…
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There’s also a creepy red eye in the lower left corner of grandpa’s photo, which I can only assume is that of a prostitute.
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Freak beacon! I’m sorry, I must have let my freak beacon leech onto you. That’s what happens when you get too close to the light. So, grampa wants to see your goods, huh? Stay classy, gramps.
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Not only is the post itself hilarious, but the comments are just as awesome. There is nothing like a good freak beacon to brighten your day!
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I’d be just as pissed about the implication that the clueless, classless IM conversations are imaginary as by the invitation to show him the funstuff.
My guess is that the facial expression is due to the fact that a cop or ex-wife is taking the photo, not age. Pssshhh. Silly people.
But I really like the poop theory, too.
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i keep reading “freak beacon” as “freak bacon,” and it is cracking me up!
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Erin, me too!
I actually turned off the IM function on OKCupid for a while due to the bizarre messages (I love guys who start out immediately asking for cybersex. Ew.), but I’m kinda curious now…just for the sake of research for this site, of course.
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I don’t even use the chat option on okcupid, it terrifies me. I guess these guys figure that they would gladly send you pics of their privates, so why wouldn’t the ladies feel the same way? Haha… oy vey.
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Ah, I’m a faithful reader and have missed out to a mild mental breakdown! Score for me! You always make me laugh..that should have been my remedy for it all! Reading your site!! I’m about to be in the single boat, and I’m terrified, I just hope I can have a rockin’ attitude about it like you!
btw…douchebag for a screen name is always a plus. I <3 how you call out the-santa-clause-obviously-twenty-something-tattoo-wearing guy:o) smiles for miles. I'm also sick and high on meds if this makes no sense! hahahaha.
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Holy crap! Grandpa sol messaged you!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_uy5T7xRJ8T8/SD_5VxFDz8I/AAAAAAAAAFk/y_HRnCfUzS8/s1600-h/SOL.JPG
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*shudder* I am so creeped out right now.
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