Originally posted on March 31, 2009
So I ran across something today and I just couldn’t NOT email this guy and tell him that he was fucking up hardcore on his page.
29 / m / straight / Single
So, I can’t remember if this was a guy that looked at me or if he was a guy that was listed as a similar user to this other guy I have been emailing with today. It’s not really important for the purposes of this post to know how I found him.
The good news is that I found him and was able to help him in my own special little way. I’m sure smart women everywhere were laughing at his expense – well, shit… I mean I was, too. I still am – but maybe because of my help, he might actually have a shot with some women in the future.
Giger37 – you’re welcome, dude.
Ok, so it starts here:
Ohh mercy, mercy me. If you’re trying to appear successful in your career, you might want to start with knowing how to spell your own freakin’ job title. Sioux chef, eh? Specializing in Native American cuisine? No, he’s been trained in the contemperary american style.
So I couldn’t take it… Seeing this brain fart just made me like… Twitchy. So he was online, and I sent him a message.
Me:not to be a total bitch, but sioux is an indian tribe…
giger37:no shit
Me:you’ve got on your profile that you’re a sioux chef… and it’s sous chef…
Me:french…
giger37:well i guess i wasnt paying attention
Me:you seem like a cool dude, but i just wanted to correct you because it was making you sound stupid and abit like a poser.
giger37:well im sure you can find some more grammatical errors if you look hard enough
Me:oh yea, there are more. but that one just completely took all the legit out of your career.
Me:initially, i wondered if you were a sioux chief… maybe you just left out the “i”
Me:ttyl!
giger37:you dont know shit about shit
Me:lol… alright
no need to get defensive. consider this the internet equivalent of tucking the tag back into your tshirt.
So a little bit of time passed, and I wanted to see if he corrected the spelling. Here’s what I found:
Siously y’all. This is getting ridiculous. Right? And I just could.not.help.myself.
Shame on me, yadda yadda yadda. I just couldn’t let this slide. Clearly, he was trying to follow my advice, but god… Still falling short.
So I sent him this message:
Me:omg you’re killing me!Me:SOUS
Me:hahaha
giger37:do you have anything better to do than correct grammar on the net
Me:well, this is kind of my job. i make fun of people’s online dating profiles…
Me:so… um, no. this is kind of what’s on my agenda this afternoon.
giger37:pretty lame
Me:alright, dude. sorry. i’ll stop busting your balls now…
Me:have a super day!
And I am VERY proud to report that he did take my advice. Now, there’s really nothing I can do about his complete lack of a sense of humor, but at least I helped him seem like he’s got a legitimate job.
Glad I could help.
(So, when I was updating old posts to better work with the new theme, I accidentally deleted a whole heap of posts between March and April. I’m recovering the ones that are really good, but I may just let the others go. So… The comments that were previously are now here:)
Gretchen says:
I love that his recipIes come to him in his dreams.
Anonymous says:
you don’t know shit about shit! i kinda love that. like, what does that even mean?
and he is pretty hot. but mad douchey.
and he might have gotten the sous thing down, but chocholate is beyond me.
BeautifulWreck says:
I’m laughing but everyman I have ever been with could not spell worth a damn, including the brilliant Mr. Knowles.
kaila says:
You and I must be related, because I sooo would do the same thing. The type of shit bugs me!!!
Anonymous says:
congratulations on only calling him out on the ’sioux/sious/sous’ thing…I would have been all over that one with a red pen…and I’m not even a teacher!
K says:
Awesome. Just awesome.
Andromeda says:
oh, i don’t know….it still seems like he doesn’t really know what his title is. a sous chef doesn’t come up with recipes. they follow the CHEF’s recipes.
and yeah, TOTALLY a douche bag.
Tea-na says:
Maybe in italian “resteraunts” (as opposed to resteruncles?) they DO have sioux chefs, Jamie. Geez, think about that. Have you ever even BEEN to an italian resteraunt?
What the hell kind of dog is a chocholate lab? And why would it be called Whiskey? Whiskey is a name for a …you know, whiskey-coloured dog. Whiskey isn’t chocholate..is it? What the hell is chocholate?
I’m so confused. But I’m so glad he’s all that way over there in South Carolina. Nowhere near me. Phew.
Leslie says:
OH MY GOD I can’t stop laughing at that guy’s profile.
“[My dog] is surely possessed by satan himself. He reflects me in almost everyway”
It’s a pet peeve of mine when people use the word “infamous” to describe themselves. I know they think they are using it tongue-in-cheek but it just sounds like they don’t really know what the word means.
Deb says:
I giggled out loud at his attempt to correct the first change but not even bothering to spell check the rest of his fucked up profile. LOL
Anonymous says:
Omg you totally gave me a good laugh tonight!! WOW… very funny that he thinks he makes up recipes in a restaurant. Sous chefs only go behind the REAL chef. And I doubt he can call his boss an asshole without his boss burning his ass on the stove. And honestly! Do guys think that shit turns us on??
~Single Mom in Dating Hell, Mass
Kristin says:
he became less hot with every sentence I read… and even more appalling with his response to you.
Rabid Lemming says:
The conversation was too funny for me to read further into the profile. As far as any comment I was going to make, I was laughing too much from prior comments to say anything further. About the only thing I can say is that if he dreams of new recipes, that’s just sad….unless he was dreaming of new recipes and flying….then that’s both fun and productive.
Emmie says:
hahahahahaha 3rd time lucky eh… ahhhh
