After reading the horror of the post on Monday, Ashlee sends us this Date Report:
I’ve got a date wreck for you that’s pretty unbelievable. We’ll call him “Jon” for purposes of protecting what little dignity that boy has left.
A little over a month ago, I met a guy on a dating site. He was a second year law student in the area, like myself, and really good looking. Seemed like a bit of a catch at first. We went out on a first date and had a great time at dinner. He even extended dinner to a movie, because we were having such a nice time. After the movie, he walked me to the metro, and proceeded to give me what i thought was a quick good night kiss. He attempted to grope me and shove his tongue down my throat, and I politely declined in an effort to end the scene we must have been making. That may have been a one on a weirdness scale, definitely not the first time a guy has pulled that, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. However, in retrospect, it may have been a sign of things to come.
He asked me on a second date, and I said yes, wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt because he seemed like a decent guy, especially on paper. During the week in between the first and second date, he called me at least once a day, and texted repeatedly. I’m a busy girl, and I don’t always have time to talk on the phone every night, nor did I want to. When I was unable to talk the Friday night before our second Saturday night date (because I had plans with my girlfriends), he guilt tripped me. He told me “when you really care about something, you make it work”. Seemed a little heavy for my taste, but I brushed it off. Second date, his apartment has a big private movie theater, so we picked up dinner and brought it back so we could watch a movie. So while watching the movie, all he wanted to do was make out. Then, he starts talking about the size of his penis, which he is apparently very proud of. He goes on to tell me about a list he keeps with the names of every girl he’s ever slept with, and the positions done on said evening. This was a LONG list. So I call a cab, a bit sketched out and ready to go home for the night.
He continues to call and text several times daily. A couple days later, he asks me to go with him to a house party with people from his law school. I know some kids there, and was hoping they might be there to catch up, and I didn’t really see any harm in a group outing with the guy since he couldn’t pull anything sleazy in that kind of environment. So I agree…But here’s where it gets pretty ridiculous. He sends me what the facebook invite supposedly says…Basically informing me it is a 90s Icon themed costume party. Jon also tells me EVERYONE always dresses up, and he demands me to go all out, too. So, in the 48 hours notice he gave me, I look for a costume. I decide on Cher from Clueless, seemed appropriate(ish). So there I am, in white knee highs, black patent leather mary jane 4 inch heels, a short plaid skirt, a white button down, pearls, and a ridiculous looking head band. I was pretty proud of what I threw together…But then I meet up with him and see that he is wearing a button down and jeans. He says he’s going as Ross from friends. I am unimpressed. Then we get to the party…and I am the ONLY person in costume, and no one even knew it was supposed to be a costume party, so they all thought I was just some slutty preppy looking girl. Even the host was just wearing a black glove, calling that his MJ costume. Not cool, Jon, not cool.
So after we leave the party, he says I can get a cab from his place. Keep in mind, he lives in a really nice apartment, but in a pretty sketchy area of our city. Cabs apparently don’t like to come there post 2am (when we left the party). So, while I’m waiting for my cab, Jon goes to bed. I wait up for over an hour. I finally get a call from the cab driver saying he will be outside in 5 minutes and if I’m not there he’s leaving. I wake Jon up and tell him he needs to unlock the door so I can go home. He wakes up, unlocks the door, turns his phone off, lets me out, relocks the door, and goes back to bed. I was a little irked he didn’t wait with me for the cab to get there, but not really anything I could do at this point. So then I discover that my cab driver went to the wrong address and decided it’s not worth it to fix that error. I call the cab company and discover I will need to wait at least another hour before a cab will get there….On a street corner, dressed like a 90s hooker, at 3:30 am, in a bad neighborhood, all by myself. Really not cool, Jon, really not cool..
While waiting, two drunk brothers get into a fight in which one threatens to knife the other. It ends with younger drunk brother getting into his car and driving off, and older drunk brother directing his anger at me, screaming about what a horrible crazy guy he is, before he finally observes my horror and goes back home to bed. A cop car pulls over a few minutes later. I fear at this point that he is pulling over with his lights on because he suspects me of turning tricks. I immediately burst out crying and explain myself to him. He laughs…Apparently he was just coming over to ask me about the fight that broke out. Stellar night, at this point. Finally I get home close to 5 am, not a happy camper.
The next day, I get calls from him asking me out AGAIN. I tell him absolutely not after the previous evening’s debacle. He begs me for another chance to at least explain himself or apologize or make it up to me. I agree to go with him to get coffee and dessert before a movie. Over coffee and dessert, he starts breaking out the big guns. Telling me he could see himself marrying me, I learn all about the type of wife he’d want: she would obviously have to breast feed, did you know it helps you lose baby weight? I was speechless. Then we went to the movie, District 9. Not sure if you’ve seen it, but it’s a super gory alien movie. During the scene where the main character is trying to cut off his own arm/claw thing, Jon turns to me and says “I really love you so much”. SERIOUSLY? He had known me less than 4 weeks at this point, and he’s telling me he loves me? WEIRD. After the movie, I tell him that freaked me out beyond repair, and oh could he possibly have picked a more romantic time to drop a bomb like that? He says he “just wanted me to know how he feels”. I tell him I am about to be busier than ever, and we won’t see each other again.
That was September 7th. He has continued to call and text incessantly. Despite how totally unresponsive I am, he’s still hanging on thinking i’m “the one”.
All I can think is that this guy is puuuure date wreck crazy..
Just wanted to commiserate after reading your drill penis and twat story, which pretty much killed me.
Ahhhhh. I just love submissions. They’re fun to read and they help me to not feel like I’m alone with my freak bacon.
