Date Report — The Mutha Effin Coppas
— By Jami on October 15, 2009 at 7:36 am
Wow. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for this date. It’s a horrible thing, isn’t it? When you find yourself in a situation that is so sad and pathetic that you can’t just BAIL.
Ever have one of those first dates where you were wishing the restaurant would catch fire because you know after the first 10 minutes that it will not end well? Well, my latest first date horror was from a third party friend of a friend type hook up. Â I had talked to this guy on the phone a couple of times, and emailed him before I ever agreed to meet him. Â I’m forty something, and have been down this road before so I’m super cautious about blind dates. Â Ms. Man is a professional, well educated white collar type with a successful career, fairly good looking, etc.
We meet up for dinner and drinks. Â He seemed like a nice guy, but as the dinner went on (with him drinking like a fish) he begins to puke out his sad life story-mainly on how brutal his father abused him by sending him away to school. and never coming to any of his LaCrosse games. Â Ummm, great-I mean what can you say? Â Then he changed the subject to those “Mutha Effin” cops and his psycho ex” who conspired together to do a bogus drug raid on his house, even though he only deals 420 to his close friends. Â The Mutha Effin cops raided his house not once, but twice in a week! Â I sit there, lnot trusting myself to say a word without laughing-I’ll explain that reaction later.
He then carefully, painfully, thoroughly explained how he is now broke due to the legal fees and would I mind buying my own dinner? Â Then he wants to know if I would like go back to his place, smoke a joint and have some sex. Â Yeah. Â Wow, what a way to sweep a gal off her feet!
I chose that moment to ask him if he was interested in what I used to do for a living before my current career. Â As I was flipping cash on the table for my half of the bill and getting up to leave I explained that I was a cop for 14 years-and that I used to work on the narcotics squad, and that I still work as a reserve police officer-all true by the way. Â Of course I made sure he saw my ID badge in my wallet.
Wish I had thought of taking a picture of his face at that moment with my phone to link to this post dear readers…it was priceless.
Tweet This
Digg This
Save to delicious
Stumble it
13 Comments
Simply priceless.
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
That. Is. Awesome.
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
My favorite part is his language, but second would be that, after being raided once, wasn’t smart enough to think, “Maybe, just MAYBE, I shouldn’t keep my weed in my house…at least right now”.
And again I say, my life must really suck, if I don’t even find this very bizarre…pretty much on par with most of my first dates. At least he wasn’t wearing an ankle monitor…been there.
Love it or hate it?
3 
0
Dang! I need to date more. I want to be able to tell stories like this!
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
Long time reader, first time datewreck submitter Annie here. I am so pleased that my first submission to datewrecks made the page! Glad ya’ll enjoyed the story. I really was mad when he started into his tirade and my first instinct was to let the cat out of the bag and walk away…but then I realized I might as well finish the dinner I was going to pay for anyway and then drop the bomb
What’s really funny is that this guy was busted twice by my old narcotics unit-I had since moved to another department but still have friends there. It’s a small world after all!
Super Lurve
8 
0
Can’t. stop. laughing.
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
Oh wow. Between this and my blind date friend of a friend experience.. Blind dates are a horrible idea. I would have loved to see baggage boy’s face, though. Priceless.
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
Oh, come on! I can’t sell pot to my friends? That’s practically un-American! I demand you let me sell pot as long as it is only to my friends.
My friends are a wide variety of people. They come visit me on the same street corner every day. Because I have so many I might only talk to them for a couple second, but I swear, they’re legit.
Love it or hate it?
3 
0
I’m dying to know why the mutual friend set up a pot dealer who had a record with a former cop.
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
I was wondering that myself! I think maybe this friend had a grudge against him, haha.
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
Truly awesome!
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
Oh definitely one of the worlds special people. I remmeber going into a kebab shop on duty once, just making an enquiry, and someone in line asked me, “Oh you eat too?” Yes people, cops are human too.
Love it or hate it?
3 
0
Should have led him on for another date or two (saying that you didn’t want to fuck him or go to his house for some reason) then tell him to come to a gathering of your ex-squadmates and see his face then. Would have been priceless.
Love it or hate it?
4 
0