How NOT to start…

Oh my… I’ve gotten some doozies in my inbox, but I get bored with mine. Thanks to Karen in Canada for submitting these startling introductions:

Karen says: I’ve had a profile on okcupid for a few months now, and I’ve largely been able to avoid the crazies, but this week I got two messages that just take the cake. After reading them, I honestly didn’t know what to think, so obviously I had to submit them to datewrecks! An added bonus is that both or these guys have pretty wrecky profiles.

Lovely! Let’s see, shall we?

1. From this guy: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/iamgringo

“heeloh babe wht is hppning tonihgt woot woot, Ahh just bugging you I am not that incompetent, well I hope so at least. Well anyways on to the actually event…
Hello [Karen's username],
How are you doing on this fine morning? Well my name be Josh or Caitlin depending on which mode I am in. For you see I am an avid travsvestite, photos apon request. I live to see the equality for all people in the world, but I guess that is a given being in my high heels . I do not broadcast this certain side of me, so if you do check out my profile it shall be quite normal ( but what is normal lol ). Well if you find me compatible with your software, send me a signal haha. Well I do look forward to hearing from you.
Till than,
Yours Truely,
Josh one day, Caitlin the next.”

I’m honestly not sure if he’s joking or not, or even which would be better. I can’t imagine thinking this was appropriate for a first message, or a good way to get a girl’s attention (in a good way, at least).

Oh, Karen… Well… Look at the bright side! If you’re at all built like Josh Caitlin, you could totally double your wardrobe by dating him… Though… I think the “travsvestites” dress a little more flamboyant than their conservative counterparts, the transvestites. What a travesty!

2. from this guy: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/DustinTurner

How NOT to start...

“I also went to school in [city] for a while before realizing that what I was pursuing wasn’t what I wanted to do. I think I finally decided on earth science. I have a degree in Geography but every job around here wants a degree in Geology and I feel stupid taking the Social Science one when I should have listened to what people said and taken the damn Geology. I have to figure out something else to do with my life. I’ll probably go back to school, but I’m not sure when.

It’s so expensive, you know? 2500 bucks for one semester not including fees or books. It’s ridiculous, my mom remembers when it was fifty bucks a course; can you imagine? Then I have rent and car payment (I shouldn’t have bought that new car) and insurance and visa bills and student loan bills and it’s all piling up and I can’t take it any more. There’s nothing left over for Dustin, it all goes to the bank or the company X. What’ the fuck is wrong with our society? I want to go live in a tent somewhere and fuck society. But when it gets cold I’ll freeze to death and be eaten by rabid coyotes. That’s a less than ideal way to go.
so how are you?
Am I cute? I need some kind of confirmation; maybe my pictures suck, but I’m convinced I’m some kind of hideous troll no girl would touch with a ten foot pole.”

I don’t know about anyone else, but a guy that complains about everything in his life and then asks if he’s ugly or no really gets me hot…

Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but if I had to pick one from this post, I’m pretty sure it’d be the rabid coyotes. Although, I really do love the whole romantic hazy photoshop thing he’s doing over there… Bow chica bow wow, indeed.

Hey, Josh! Errr, um… Caitlin?! And you, Dustin!

Listen up.

Here’s your email template for contacting women on OkCupid, okay?