Laaaaaaassie
Craigslist Crazies — By Jami on October 12, 2009 at 12:05 am
Oh how I long for you – 57 (Anywhere)
The hills far away are echoing my voice as I am calling my lassie to come home to me. How I long to kiss your lips; how I long to run my hands through your hair; oh how I long to see you lay you down in the grass of the meadows. Where are you my lassie? Where have you gone?
Do you understand what I am after?
I am looking for an honest and romantic woman who knows how to love and be loved.
Do you hear me calling your name?
Are you bright, funny, honest and have a good sense of humor?
Do you have a big heart?
The one quality that I must have is integrity. I love a feminine woman who is honest and down to earth.I am a man who is looking for his soul mate, friend, a shoulder to rest my weary head on, a personal confident and passionate lover.
As for physical traits, I would prefer a woman who takes good care of her body, who is on the thin side and has long flowing hair and who is willing to experiment.I also prefer a woman who is mature spiritually, loves the Lord and who will pray with me.
Is this you? Are you ready to share your life with me. I will be respectful, kind and treat you as I would a fragile vase fill of roses. I will love you forever with all of my heart.
Please drop me a line.
Yes, I do think I know what you’re after.
*ahem*
Dude. Seriously?
Do you hear me calling your name?
Are you bright, funny, honest and have a good sense of humor?
Do you have a big heart?
Is Timmy in the well?
Is there a woman out there that is going to read this and think, “God. This man sounds like a dreamboat!”
McLassie? No. I think not.
And, no… He didn’t include the picture of Timmy and Lassie — I just couldn’t NOT include it, right?
Tweet This
Digg This
Save to delicious
Stumble it
10 Comments
I’ll admit, I was relieved when he actually said he wanted a woman…that first paragraph could have gone to the dogs pretty easily. This was in Personals, not Pets, right?
Love it or hate it?
0 
0
I think Liz and I were thinking the same thing.
After I realized he was actually talking about a woman, I was confusing Lassie with Old Yeller and I was waiting for the point where he’d have to take her out and shoot her.
I guess he just wants a good woman who will rescue him and run to him when he calls and who likes it doggy-style.
Love it or hate it?
0 
0
“I guess he just wants a good woman who will rescue him and run to him when he calls and who likes it doggy-style …”
… who also will pray with me
What?
And can he sound any more pathetic and needy? These kinds of profiles give me the willies. It always seems to me that any 10 women who are willing to step into this Norman Batesian scenario, however wildly different from each other, would be just fine with the guy. Like maybe he’s already got clothes hanging in the closet for her.
I just completely creeped myself out.
There’s something off about someone who says, before he even knows Mrs. Mystery Woman, “I will love you forever with all my heart.” Shouldn’t that be saved til it is true, and said just to her?
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
I like the “long flowing hair” part. This guy wants Venus on the half shell.
I’m always confused about people who want crazy unmarried sex but they’re also super religious. Isn’t “willing to experiment” something to make Jesus cry?
Love it or hate it?
0 
0
Maybe he’s looking for a scientist.
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
Oh, I don’t know. At least he’s not asking for apple fritters, coffee and a blow job.
Love it or hate it?
0 
0
Okay, now I believe people who say I have an “old soul”. My first thought wasn’t the dog at all…I thought he was Scottish. You know…”My lass…lassie…bonnie lass.”? I really AM left of center, aren’t I?
What got me were his required “physical traits”: “willing to experiment”…and then “mature spiritually, loves the Lord and who will pray with me”.
A) Those aren’t physical traits. The hair and eyes and all are.
B) The idea of meeting a guy at church, having him ask me if I love the Lord and am spiritually spiritual, and then having him ask me if I “experiment”. IIIIIIICCCCCKKKKK.
Having been in the Modern Evangelical/Non-denominational church realm my whole life, I now have SO many innapropriate mental pictures going through my head. GAAAAACK.
Love it or hate it?
0 
0
“I will be respectful, kind and treat you as I would a fragile vase fill of roses. I will love you forever with all of my heart.”
He…would love a vase filled with roses forever and with all of his heart? Better hope he never encounters one of those, then, or he’ll be off the market. JUMP ON HIM NOW BEFORE HE HAPPENS PAST A FLORIST’S WINDOW, LADIES!
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
NO!!!!! I love lassie!!!! Now I will forever that this idiots profile stuck in my head when I see Lassie. Why??!!?!??!
Love it or hate it?
0 
0
What’s with the fucking Madonna/Whore thing? Why don’t these dudes want a reasonably attractive, slightly feminine, mostly sexual, normally spiritual woman? Why do we all have to be complete toe-sucking, cock-rubbing, anal-loving sluts, and/or long-haired, all-day-prayin’, barefoot-obeyin’ virgins? Seriously guys, this is why you’re single.
Love it or hate it?
1 
0