Right now, millions of dead poets are rolling over in their graves.
Craigslist Crazies — By Jami on October 2, 2009 at 9:50 am
Roses are red,violets are blue I wanna stick,my love in you! – 29 (Our hearts)
If you are stupid enough to be materialistic,then the only thing I would wish to give you is a left nut to the thraot and a right ,in the ass.
That being said, I am a very nice boy,I say boy,becouse growing up is for people that are going to get old(I will age).
I can cook,hundereds of dishes,my house is very neat and tidy.
Talking with me is easy and fun,I am smart,sexy,tonned and very,very virile.
I am an artist,a nature lover,and a poet,a jock,hunter and lover. I can sign and dance.
I do not want a girlfriend as of yet,but also will not fight real love.
If you would like to fuck me you can try,If you wish to love me,your welcome.
Safe sex only.
cheers:)
Rain sent this one into me with this message:
Something about this made me think of the DW post with the complete-the-poem “contest”…yeah, this one needs to be edited to include nut-kicking, too.
Speaking of nuts, um, the first line? Does he mean at the same time? Cuz…ow. Ow for him. That’s a bit of a stretch? Unless my “thraot” is closer to my ass than I had previously thought.
He can,write,”poetry” but not,use punchy-ation or,spell! Yay! Unless he does indeed mean that he knows sign language and can sign and dance.
You know what I love about this gig? You guys, the folks that read this blog, are brilliant. If I wasn’t such a control freak, I’d set this blog up as a submission only blog, like FML but with real length blog posts because you guys just say the funniest things.
I love this post. There’s something really beautiful about a man threatening to accost you with his testicles for just wanting nice things.
PRETTY GIRLS NEED PRETTY THINGS! Not ballsack marks on our throats or asses. kthxbai.
Why do men use the term “virile”?? There is nothing sexy about that word. If a man told me her was virile, I’d assume he was old and probably touched his cock through his pocket, pretending to jingle-jangle his change. Virile. EW.
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28 Comments
Yes. This is the man I’ve been waiting for! A 29 year old man child who wants to slap me around with his balls. Hot.
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I’m getting a visual of some really ridiculously long testicular action here. Maybe even two completely separate sacs for each ball. It’s probably like one of those raising-one-eyebrow tricks. He can put his hands on his hips and just HI-YA you across the face with the left nut while his right nut is just, you know, hanging out.
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You know, this brings to mind a conversation I had the other night. About balls, natch. We were discussing truck nuts. Do ya’ll have those down there? Anyway, they’ve branched out up here. You can now get XXL truck nuts or the more realistic version where one dangles a little lower than the other. This dude’s would be dragging behind his truck.
I’m thinking this dude basically has Bugs Bunny balls. You know how Bugs used to manipulate his ears to confuse poor old Elmer Fudd? Yep. Imagine that. But with balls. You’re welcome.
Super Lurve
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when I was taking life drawing in college, one of our male
models was about 6′ 6″ tall, and his balls hung nearly to
his knees. they weren’t abnormally large or anything, but
his scrotum had soooo much skin. weirdest freaking thing I’d
ever seen up to that point…and I had to draw that mess.
oh, and he had the worst B.O. dreaded the nights he was our
model. *shudder*
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When I was in college there was an ‘off-the-wall’ humor magazine known as Viz, which had a character called “Buster Gonad and his unfeasibly large testicles.” It showed him pushing them around in a wheelbarrow, having all sorts of adventures, saving kids falling out of a tree, runaway trains, that sort of thing. I picture this guy turning up to a date with a large fanny pack worn around the front, which contains his gonads, like the FBI Fast Action Grab bags (Yes that’s FAG bags to those who are following) where they keep their weapons for fast deployment. All of which reminds me of another Vis character, Finbarr Saunders and his double-entendres. Switching to decaf now.
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He should, be prosucuted, for comma, abuse.,
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Sometimes the comments here really make me laugh. Out loud. It’s embarrassing.
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I think we’ve just found where all the commas that other people refuse to use went!
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As a proud owner of some fine quality testicles, I must call this man to task. I’ve attempted many, many, many varieties of dance moves in the bedroom, and never (not once!) have I managed to actually slap someone with my basket (except, perhaps, on accident, but this was more a case of a thwap, rather than a slap). When I think slap, I think high velocity, strong impact, flesh-on-flesh high-pitched smack. This man… No, this man does not have the cojones required to reach the sufficient speed, nor the strength to accept the rightly-assigned pain that would come from the aforementioned impact.
No, this man’s balls–they lack the conviction required.
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Stephen, I will pay you $1 Million to see you thwap someone — ANYONE — with your fine quality basket boys.
Super Lurve
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What if they were ritualistically shaved with a cut-throat razor, such as described in “The spy who shagged me” and then lightly oiled as described in the SNL sketch “Mike Schweti’s Nuts.” I think you could get a slap at a relatively low impact speed under these conditions, although I leave further research up to you.
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Oh geez, I need more caffeine or sleep or something. I started reading this post and thought, “Hey, this sounds familiar! Is this a repost of an older one?….oh wait, it’s the one I sent in, crap I’m stupid.”
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heh. I did that a few weeks ago. don’t feel bad.
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Haha. That’s cute.
But I do the same thing. I’ll get a submission and tuck it away in my email for when I have time to post about it.
Then I go back through my submissions folder and I’m like, “God, I could swear I posted about this one.” And I’ll spend 10 minutes digging through the content on DW to see if I can find the post.
Then I realize that no… I didn’t post it yet. I just remember reading it from when I first got the submission.
Ernhgh.
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Could we say this is poetic spelling and creative commas?
No, I guess we can’t.
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Stretch Armstrong’s dating profile.
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Brilliant!
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Oh, and I’ll fight real love. And I’ll kick real love’s ASS and parade it’s head around on a pike!!!
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Virile does that mean he has the swine flu ??
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Wish the commentary was this funny and clever on the REST of the Internet…
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Agree!
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Dammit, people, I am going to get in SO much trouble laughing this hard. I’m laughing as hard at the comments and the mental image of this guy trying to slap someone with his balls as I am at the guy’s profile.
Hey, he wants to stick his love in me. Who wouldn’t swoon over that?
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He’s a jock hunter? But it said he was lookin’ fer girls! Bwaa haa haa.
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What, his neat and tidy house isn’t good enough for you people? picky picky.
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Wow.
“If you are stupid enough” – I don’t think he’s qualified to judge “stupid”.
“a left nut to the thraot and a right ,in the ass.” – Thraot=taint?
“I am a very nice boy,I say boy,” – Foghorn Leghorn? ‘Boy, I say, boy..’
“becouse growing up is for people that are going to get old(I will age).” – Because aging is not for people that are going to get old… or maybe he’s another adult diaper guy?
“Talking with me is easy and fun,I am smart,sexy,tonned and very,very virile.” – Easy and fun are not the first things that come to mind when I think about talking with him. I’m glad that he told us he is smart, I wouldn’t have guessed otherwise. A definition of tonned could have helped, though.
“a jock,hunter and lover.” It would have been funnier without the comma.
“I can sign and dance.” – Interpretive dance, anyone?
“If you would like to fuck me you can try,” – Could he be any more fucked?
“If you wish to love me,your welcome.” – Thank you??
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And, how does one get a nut IN the ass? Just, you know, logistically speaking… Inquiring minds want to know.
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Hey don’t hate..he’s “TONNED”
Oh, and smart and sexy two.
Well, at least he is “tonned”.
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He’s virile, he doesn’t need viagra at all! Nope, no sir!
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