Sunday Showcase: Not Mr. Fairbanks

I’m always a little surprised to find out that SO many of you guys that read Date Wrecks are men. It’s actually kind of awesome… I mean, clearly, this isn’t a man-hating blog. I’m equal opportunity. But it makes me happy that so many of the Sunday Showcase submissions are men.

If you need to know how Sunday Showcase operates, you can find The Rulez here. If you want to submit, click on the contact link at the top of the page.

On with it!

25 September 2008 - I can't decide whether I look insouciant or bilious.

24 September 2008 - Photographing myself in the mirror. Pathetic, I know, but at least it was a cheval glass, and not a medicine cabinet.

13 April 2009 - I've reached that certain age where candlelight and shadows are more flattering than daylight.

1 September 2009 - If anyone finds my chin laying around, please let me know.

Me as a wee lad. Even back then, you could tell that I was going to be fabulously butch.

I'm male, therefore I've uploaded a completely gratuitous and totally inappropriate caulk shot.

42 / M / bisexual / Single

I am contemplative, quiet, and capricious.

My Self-Summary

While I’m not Douglas Fairbanks, I rather hope that I don’t look my age. I’m admittedly over the recommended BMI for my height, but I’m working on getting in shape. I like to think I have a decent grip on reality.

Now that’s some self-assurance, right there.

I’m fairly laid back most of the time. I enjoy getting out and doing things, but I prefer keeping it low-key. I love bowling, I love shooting pool, I love walking through the Arboretum and around the Columbia River Gorge National Scenic Area, and I occasionally dust off my bike and trundle around the area trying not to be hit by passing cars.

And, outside of relationships, I apparently use the word “love” a lot.

I’m a sensualist: I adore dark chocolate, well-prepared food, a punchy Oregon Pinot Noir, long backrubs, fall sunsets, curling up under warm blankets on a cold night, and mutually enjoyable social intercourse.

As you can likely tell from my photos, I don’t usually put too much stock in dressing to the nines or worrying about my hair. Don’t get me wrong: I like to be well groomed, but I don’t always see the need to wear khakis and button-down shirts, and I prefer to use as little hair gel as possible.

Exceptionally rough segue: blah-blah clothing, blah-blah packing, blah-blah travelling.

I really like the mountains, but I’m enamored of the coast.

Thanks to my previous jobs, I’ve had the opportunity to travel fairly extensively. I’ve been to Canada, France, England, Scotland, Hong Kong, Thailand, the Netherlands, and all over the United States, and I keep coming back to the Portland area. Whether this is due to a previously unrecognized masochistic streak or a willingness to hope the economy someday improves, I can’t see myself living anywhere else.

This decision is, of course, subject to change if I’m provided the opportunity to move to Manhattan and star on Broadway.

I’ve a background in theater, a degree in History that I hardly ever use, a sarcastic turn of phrase, a relatively quick wit, and — so I’ve been told — a reasonably comfortable shoulder on which to lean.

As one of my friends frequently notes, we all have our damage, and I do have my flaws.

Aside from being a wordy bastard, I’m willing to admit to being enamored of my own voice, given to using archaic language and sentence construction, and unfortunately prone to occasional bouts of profanity. I’m also sarcastic, opinionated, misanthropic, self-deprecating, and predisposed to going off on tangents.

Incidentally, even though I classify myself as a non-smoker, I’ve been known to smoke both cigars and pipes, sometimes as often as twice a year. I’m such a rebel.

While I’ve been told I’m reasonably good with other people’s children, I don’t have any of my own. In the same vein, while I love my nephew to pieces, and while I’ve been told that I’m a pretty cool uncle, I’m not particularly enamored with the idea of having children of my own.

Please don’t misunderstand me: I love seeing kids who have parents who care for and about them, and I love the idea of warm familial relationships, whatever their makeup may happen to be. I just don’t think I’d be a very good father figure, and I’d rather not risk the chance of being proven right. Kids have a hard enough time in the world as it is; it wouldn’t be right to give them less than the best environment possible in which to grow, to learn, and to thrive.

I can be a curmudgeon, but one of my favorite guilty pleasures is curling up on the sofa of an evening, listening to the rain on the roof, drinking hot cocoa, and watching foreign films or romantic comedies.

I do try to be a gentleman: I walk on the street side, I hold doors open, I help people into and out of vehicles, I assist with packages, I pull out chairs, I listen to what people are saying, I offer my opinion when asked, and I have no qualms about covering the cost of a friend’s coffee or a date’s cotton candy.

While I have occasionally received criticism for my actions, I don’t do this because I’m trying to get into someone’s trousers, or because I’m sexist, or because I don’t believe a woman can manage on her own. I do this because I was raised to be polite, because it makes me feel good, and because it’s the right thing to do. And frankly, I don’t care about the gender of the individual I’m assisting, or about what philosophy someone espouses; life’s simply too rough at times not to try help one another through it.

To a certain extent, I’m willing to change my actions in order not to offend specific individuals; however, I’m not going to change who I am in order to conform to someone else’s beliefs as to what is and isn’t appropriate behavior in a modern male.

Right. Off my soapbox and back to the profile.

I’m looking for someone who wants to do things together, but understands the value of alone time.

I’m not necessarily looking for the one great love of my life, although I’m certainly not ruling it out. I’ve been privileged to have had two loving relationships in the past; one led to an eighteen-year marriage, and one led to a two-year long-distance romance.

As regards relationship baggage, my ex-wife has, I’m sorry to say, passed away. We were friends at the time of her death, and there’s been closure in that relationship. The long-distance romance found someone closer to home who stole her heart. I can’t say that I’m surprised: long-distance relationships are difficult to make work, and I’m just glad to know that she has someone in her life that makes her happy.

Still, as I mentioned, I’ve known love; and, while I’d like to know it again, I’m not frantic in its pursuit.

That being said, I want someone who makes the stars dance in the heavens and the smiles dance across our lips. I want someone who likes to bowl, someone who likes to shoot pool, someone who enjoys cooking and baking, and someone who gets excited over the next Harry Dresden or Eve Dallas novel. I want someone who enjoys discussing articles from Popular Science and Psychology Today, and who’s equally comfortable laughing themselves silly over the vagaries of life.

To me, the most important foundation for a relationship is friendship, so I’d like to make some new friends, and see where circumstances lead us from there.

What I’m doing with my life

I’m currently a technical support specialist for high-end CAD software — yes, a call center telephone monkey — but my goal is to get back into technical marketing or writing for a living.

Outside of work, I’m a photographic hobbyist. I used to do weddings and portraits, but now I shoot what I want, when I want, and how I want. It’s much less stressful that way.

Incidentally, while I enjoy photography, and I have a number of friends who are photographers, I have very few photographs of me that I like. I prefer to remain behind the lens.

I have a deviantART site that’s in sore need of an overhaul, and my Flickr account is languishing untouched. Sometime over the next couple of months I’ll be gathering the best shots from these sites, combining them with some of my previous film work, adding the portraits I hope to be shooting, and creating my own portfolio site.

I also write, try to stay motivated enough to work out regularly, and collect wine.

I’m really good at

I’ve received a number of compliments on my cooking and my baking. For me, an empty table is a canvas, and my ingredients are my media.

I’m also told that I give good text, and that my writing is evocative.
The first things people usually notice about me
If we’re just going with physical features, people have commented on my eyes, so I’d have to assume that’s the dominant feature noticed.

Get me talking about something I’m passionate about, and I begin speaking with my hands. I’d assume that behavior is noticeable, as well.

I’ve been told I have a pleasant voice, as well.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

I’m a voracious reader, and I’m willing to try just about anything. While I prefer my magazines to make me think — or at least provide new suggestions on how to utilize Photoshop and Lightroom — I split my book reading between fluff and intelligent content. It’s not uncommon for me to be working on four books at a time, and I’ll switch between the history of Algebra, a detective novel, primary source documents discussing archaeological digs, and a trashy bit of fluff, depending on my mood.

As to movies, while I enjoy suspense, I’m not a huge fan of gore for gore’s sake. I prefer a psychological thriller to a blood-fest. I enjoy foreign films, classics, and the occasional furtive anime title. I’ll watch comedy, but I like my laughs with a bit of a bite, so I usually aim more for the Marx Brothers than the Three Stooges, and I’m up for almost anything Danny Kaye was in.

Likewise, my taste in music is fairly diverse. My primary foci are baroque, classical, a cappella, barbershop harmony, and show tunes, but I also like hair bands, goth, classic rock, and jazz.

I have a few food allergies, the worst of which is to wheat, but I don’t let that stop me from playing in the kitchen. I think part of the reason I cook so much is because I get to enjoy the food vicariously, even if not personally.

I’m an omnivore: I enjoy meat, but I also enjoy the phenomenal range of flavors available while eating meatless. Besides, liking vegetables is the perfect excuse to hit the Hillsboro Farmers’ Market.

I will never go Vegan, though. I couldn’t live without artisan cheese.

The six things I could never do without

My family

Over the last few years, my mother and I have built the relationship we should have had years ago. I had some growing up to do, and we both had to adjust our views on a number of issues, but now? Yeah, this is what family should feel like.

I’m also lucky enough to have a sister who’s a truly wonderful woman, and my nephew is an astounding young man with a phenomenal future ahead of him.

My friends

I’m friendly with a lot of people, and I try to be approachable, but my closest, truest friends are my bedrock and my strength. I can comfortably say that I love them for all their quirky ways.

My freedom

Whether it be of speech or thought, personal freedom is one of the most precious possessions we have. Without freedom, there is neither harmony nor joy in living.

A place to be alone

In an increasingly tumultuous world, every now and then I need to shut myself away. I need the opportunity to decompress, to clear my head, and just to breathe for a bit without worrying about what’s going on around me.

The written word

Whether physical books, works archived on the web, or things I’ve written myself, the written word is a lifeline to sanity. The ability to immerse myself in research, or to relax with a good novel, is one of the keys to remaining happy.

My photography

The adage of a picture being worth a thousand words notwithstanding, I love photography. Whether I’m in my digital darkroom playing around with pixels, or out in the field, there’s an almost zen-like quality to the photographic process. It’s a matter of stillness, within and without, that’s so incredibly empowering, and yet so peaceful, so very relaxing.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I spend a lot of time thinking about where I want to be in life, and how to get there. I’m working to turn my passion for cooking and writing into a career, but until then, I’ll muddle through to make ends meet.

I spend a lot of time thinking about health, as well. I was morbidly obese between 2001 – 2003. I’ve dropped over 170 pounds since then, but I still have about thirty pounds to go, and I’m trying to shape up while I’m working it off.

On a typical Friday night I am

Most Fridays find me either relaxing at a friend’s house over a glass of wine, shooting a game of pool at work with the late shift, hitting the bowling alley, or sitting at home reading.

Sometimes I’ll indulge myself and spend a couple of hours puttering about online, but I usually try to decompress away from the computer on Friday nights.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
Because I know it’ll come up at some point in a relationship, and should be disclosed before entering into one, I’ll admit that I’m bisexual and polyamorous.

Please note that this does not automatically mean that I can’t control my libido, it doesn’t mean that I’ve been unable to commit to one-on-one relationships, and it doesn’t indicate a predisposition to hop into bed with anyone and everyone I meet. All it means is that I’m bi and poly.

You should message me if

You should message me if you’re in the mood for good conversation, or if you’d like to grab a coffee and walk along the waterfront. You should message me if you feel the urge to go bowling, or need another cue at the pool table. You should message me if you’re looking for someone who’s decent at Scrabble, but who can’t stop laughing when he screws up during Trivial Pursuit.

You should message me if you want to message me.

Whew. Well he did say he was wordy, right? Honestly, with the caulk shot, I’m giving him a bit more room to wiggle. That might be one of the MOST clever things I have ever seen in the photos portion of a profile.

Also, in all honesty, it’s late. I was negligent in getting this post together, and I’m going to wait until tomorrow when I can read all of his profile without pausing for deep, throaty yawns.

Thank you so much for sharing your profile with us!

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