Sweet Angle
Craigslist Crazies — By Jami on October 8, 2009 at 12:02 am
I’m not sure if we should thank Andrew in Pennsylvania, or punish him. Maybe I’m an ageist… Hopefully I’ll feel different about geriatric blow jobs when I’m silver-pubed, but good god. This is just a disgusting mental image.
AFRICAN FISH – 50 (DREXEL HIL)
Goood mourning -
I am seeking an angle to come to my house and bring me two 20 oz wawa coffees with cream and NO sugar. Any apple fritters would be a big plus. A slow soft wet and deep blow job after the coffe followed by spooning untill we both fall asleep would be the perfict ending to our first meeting. Open to long term comitment with right lsdy, but you must have increadable tits to hold on to and a great big ass to use for my pillow. Sound nice? Hit me back with your stats and a pic and tell me how long it will take you to get here, and this may be your dream date come true. Please noone over 5’4″ and keep your wig on.
Bob
Wow. Doesn’t this sound like the hottest, sexiest encounter you could imagine? Casual sex on Craigslist is one thing, but apple fritters, too? Aren’t you asking for a bit much? And are both of the coffees for you? Oh, and? This might be one of the most disgusting mental images I think I have had in a while.
Grampa is sitting in his lazyboy, dipping his apple fritters into his coffee with his pants around his ankles while you slowly and *gulp* deeply give him a blow job. He’s maybe rocking the recliner a bit while you… service him.
But you know, he’ll make it up to you. He’ll spoon you afterward. He doesn’t mention paying you back for the coffee and pastry though. At starbucks, that would easily be a $8 tab, right? I think I’d prefer a 10-spot over spooning with a wrinkly freak, you know?
It’s like… free coffee… free fritter… free beej? What’s in it for ME Grampa? Do you have a solid supply of Werther’s Originals?
And, so grampa, you know… What is it that you’re looking for in a long term commitment? What’s that? Did you just say tits and ass?
<shaking head> No. That does NOT sound nice. Even if you’ve got bags upon bags of hard candies.
And two WTFs, you know, just for good measure — African Fish? And “keep your wig on”?
Seriously? I’m expected to also supply my own wig!??
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24 Comments
“Mourning”, indeed. Maybe this post will attract masochists?
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I’d be curious to know what matters more to him: The food, or the blowjob.
I guess the only way to find out would be to put sugar in the coffee, start sucking his dick, and see if he stops you.
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P.S I’m not volunteering.
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Oh God, Will. I have cotton mouth right now. Supreme. EW.
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I’m literally nauseous after that one.
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I was saying no until you mentioned the Werthers Originals…
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It’s some really good ass fucking candy, right?
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Ass fucking candy? So that’s what it takes to get teh butt secks! All this begging and pleading, when all I had to do was offer a Werthers…
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What? No imitation crab meat? lol
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But he is “Open to long term comitment with right lsdy”. I feel like that is a purposeful misspelling, almost. Like if someone was trying to get out a guarantee.
“Sorry, I don’t care how great your tits and ass are. You aren’t a ‘LSDY’ so hit the bricks. But go grab me another ‘coffe’ before you go, k? Oh, and pick me up a cruller while you’re at it”.
And is he asking for two 20 oz coffees because he’s budget concious?
“A 32 oz coffe is 2.50. Two 20 oz coffes are only 3.00 I can get 8 extra ounces for only 50 cents more!!!” Gotta respect!
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Maybe it’s the right LSD he requires. I know for my part that I’d need the good shit – not to consider responding to this ad, mind you, but just to be able to reread it without throwing up in my mouth.
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Solid supply of werther’s? I’m in…
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Sigh. Okay. At 43, and having friends who are rapidly approaching 50, I’ve gotta say that, damn, we’re not completely wrinkly and/or grandparentish around that time.
I mean, George Clooney is 48. And damn. That man is h.o.t.
Please don’t get me wrong: I’m not a fan of “BJ Bob.” But sheeeet: Can’t you cut us, ahem, middle-aged folk some slack?
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Alright, alright. Fifty isn’t old, okay?
But seriously. My mom was a grandma at 50. Fuh reelz.
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Shall he ask the angle lsdy to take the garbage out when she leaves? I suspect it.
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Yeah, Jami and everyone else, sorry about that. I simply couldn’t suffer alone on this one.
Apple fritter, anyone?
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I hate to admit I think this one is just awesome. The fact that he thinks that he might be my “dream” guy since I’m into bringing breakfast and blowjobs to a complete stranger for absolutely nothing in return… I’m sure plenty of women feel the same – what a freakin’ catch, right?
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That’s exactly what I was thinking. What a clueless loser. I don’t care if he’s 50 or 25–what woman would read this guy’s ad and say, “I’ll bring him food, perform oral sex on him, and let him grope me clumsily while he falls asleep! That DOES sound nice!”
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What lady doesn’t like to spoon until she falls asleep right after delivering coffee, fritters, and blowjobs?
Admittedly, the spooning and sleeping usually happens after the lady is exhausted from a mutual sexual encounter rather than exhausted from running to Wawa then performing brain salad surgery.
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OK, you can lay off him for being 50. He has every right to be that age and looking for a date.
He has no excuse, however, for being such a self-centered loser.
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man, I’ve been desperate for coffee before…but damn! I wonder if the blow job was just an afterthought in his ad though. Like, “geez, I could really go for some coffee…and since I’ll have her here she can blow me too”
what a tool!
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WTF?
And why?
Why would someone post crap like that?
Spooning? That’s what a “lsdy” with big boobs and a big butt get for a BJ? Who the hell can fall asleep while spooning? You can’t even freakin’ move, and then you can’t breathe and then you just die. ESPECIALLY if you’re required to keep your wig on all along.
Stupid ass.
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Gotta agree with Kim H on the age thing – I’m 51, a grandmother, and get more attention than I like from 20 and 30 somethings … icky. What are they thinking? I’d be afraid I’d try to cut their steak for them on a date … anyway, my point is 50 can be pretty great. The problem with this guy is not his age, it’s that he’s a douche. He was a douche at 20 too, I guarantee you.
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