He thinks I’m an Employment Counselor
From My Inbox — By Emily on November 21, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I wrote this shortly after I re-created my profile on OKC. Before the bright shiny wore off, and before I was planning on writing for dw. I didn’t save any of the datestamp info, unfortunately. BUT!!! He does still have the exact same profile up.
It began slowly, but with a compliment:
Your simply, bad ass , ps Beautiful picture.
Okay, so I clicked on the profile link to check him out. Maybe the punctuation problem was his way of emphasizing things. I barely made it out of the gate before I ran into the first two problems.
This is the only picture of Mikey. It’s not a flattering picture. It makes me think of pissed off redneck stalker exboyfriends. Complete with rifle (water tower not included).
44 / M / straight / Single
Westland, Michigan (464 miles)
Uh, no. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around driving TWENTY miles for a date. Respond immediately:
EmPossibility Thanks for the compliment. That’s one hell of a drive for a date, Mikey.
You would THINK that would be the end of it. You would be wrong. However, the rest of his profile really doesn’t matter to me because…
kiddmikey5 How’s North Carolina Em, Find me a job in the steel business, and it don’t have to be.Your glasses add to the Pretty.
Clearly, this man is confused. Let me clear that up RIGHT now:
EmPossibility Find your own job. I’ve got enough to do.
Do I *look* like an employment agency? Surely that’s the end of it. Oops, no. Stupidity all over my screen!
kiddmikey5 I got a job ,thought maybe u could find one a lil closer to you.
Yeaaaaah, I’m not creeped out at ALL by that. *eyeroll* Why the hell would I find *you* a job to bring you closer to me? This is our first conversation and CLEARLY you have no clue who or what you’re dealing with. There are enough jackasses in NC, I promise – we don’t need to import one from Up Nawth.
Be that as it may, this kid doesn’t know me so I’ll keep it succinct-
EmPossibility No, you’re on your own there. Realy.
Yes, I really did misspell “really”. Can you blame me? But wait…there’s more (heaven help us)
kiddmikey5 I’m on it, could use a vacation. Hows the beaches in N.C. ?
I didn’t bother to respond.
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11 Comments
I’ve had some similar email exchanges. Or they want to know what I do… because they are interest in ‘rescuing me’ so they want a job I will ‘be proud of’.
Ummm… No thanks scammer… I probably look like the biggest bitch on there with the response rate they now display. But I don’t have the energy to waste to screw with all the stupid scammers. I’ve gotten very few real contacts on there.
I generally tell them that I pay my bills by selling drugs to children. Even though it *sounds* lucrative, it really isn’t. Damn allowances aren’t high enough here to really make the money off the kids.
Super Lurve
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Who cut his hair? himself?
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There’s nothing wrong with cutting your own hair. D: Well, if you do it right. XD
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My niece has a theory, you can tell someone is a serial killer if the white of their eye is visible under their iris. He has Hillside Strangler written all over him.
Super Lurve
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I’d have told him I’d find him a job, but I’d want us to get married right away, and I’ve already talked to the pastor at my church about it, and he thinks it is a great idea. Also, my mother and I have decided that he and I should have 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. So, we’ll need a big house with a yard, not too far from a good school.
That should shut him up.
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Uh … but what if it didn’t?
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That is, quite possibly, the most insane thing I’ve heard today.
We don’t invite The Insane into our homes, child. We shut them up by saying words like “restraining order”.
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If you really want to have fun, be more subtle when you mess with them, it makes them nervous if there is the element of truch combined with slight crazyness. For instance, instead of saying your Pastor approves, you could say you Elders want to meet with him at the Temple before the ceremony. This will scare off quite a few. You should already have at least four kids, and be proposing a few more, that will get rid of soem more. Perhaps a crazy ex in there somewhere will make it a little more real. Then you should mention your ‘condition’. Anyone left with any interest after that will not be bound by distance, it just depends how far they can get before the men in white coats catch up.
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I would bet he is still unemployed wannabe who lives with his mom and spends his time online.
I mean, it’s easy to convince someone from a dating site to find you a job, right?
Idiot.
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Haha, I grew up in Westland, MI! Lord have mercy…
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