My Self-Summary

I’m a staunch advocate of health care reform. “For-Profit” insurance corporations are the reason the US is ranked 37th in the world for overall health-care quality. If a self-employed person chooses to buy health insurance, it will be his/her chief expense from age 45 on…..if not, bankruptcy will surely result from an accident or illness requiring hospitalization.

But in fantasy:
I can’t imagine ever actually meeting someone through a “social networking site”, so none of this information matters.

What I’m doing with my life

I’m championing animal rights and environmental conservation by signing as many petitions as I can via the web and contributing to NRDC and Defenders of Wildlife.
Our economic model must be based on sustainability instead of growth. America’s version of capitalism is nothing more than corporate welfare. The mortgage derivative fiasco of ’08 is testament to the corruption/greed of our unregulated investment/banking system. Sadly, the life of Bernie Madoff symbolizes the new “american dream”.

But in fantasy:
I’m just passively watching the world commit over-population suicide.

I’m really good at

Meeting my obligations/paying my debts.
Attending to the needs of my dog & cat.
Listening to other peoples’ perspective…
Motorcycle safety.
Appreciating / enjoying thunderstorms
Massages….

But in fantasy:
People are only good at being delusional.

The first things people usually notice about me

I’m politically outspoken. [eg: there should be a strict law banning the use of cell phones while driving.]
Animal abuse usually precedes criminal violence toward people -offenders should serve lengthy prison time….like this Youngman asshole that tried to hammer & slice a dog after hitting it with his truck in McClellanville the other week.

B i f:
As long as I’m not damaging someone/something, who cares what they notice?

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

Books? Anything by John Gardner, Kurt Vonnegut, Cormac McCarthy, David Wroblewski, Matthew Scully, or Anthony Burgess.. Movies? Last Tango in Paris, Triplets of Bellville, Syriana… Music? Anything by Aaron Copeland, JS Bach, any jazz by Bill Evans, Jan Garbarek, Sylvain Luc, John McGlaughlin, Acoustic Alchemy, Pat Metheny…..Food? Anything without factory-farmed meat.

B i f:
Most people are too stupid to filter market-driven media.

The six things I could never do without

A dog, cat, wilderness, great book, music, & photography…..

B i f:
I could probably do without any of those.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

How money = freedom in the United States.

How anyone can think having a tatoo looks cool.

How limited our senses are compared with most multi-cell animals.

B i f:
Why women are usually smarter than men.

On a typical Friday night I am

Working.

B i f:
It’s something I actually studied & enjoy doing.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

I’m a calf worshiper (as in women’s legs)…not the one from the old testament made of melted gold trinkets….or maybe {dread the hackneyed cliche’} I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.

B i f:
A relatively harmless hang-up.

You should message me if

You don’t get your world perspective from doctor-shopping drug addicts like Rush Limbaugh or other hate-radio morons.
…Or if you’re in a relationship/caretaker role with a disabled partner and would like to just talk about it.
….Or if you’d choose to read a book instead of playing some stupid game or yakking on your “me”phone.
…Or if you’d just like to talk about something that’s important to you (except tatoos).
…Or if you regard Fox News/Glenn Beck as misinformational republican’t propoganda.

B i f:
I’m always interested in womens’ questions.

Now, I was talking to Emily and Krims on IM and the first thing Krims said to me (that I can remember, mind you, I was in hysterics) was, “What the hell is bif?” And neither Emily nor myself can get over the sheer luxury that is his pubic hair. I have NEVER in my life seen such well defined curls!

Surely, there’s product in his pubes. Mustache wax, likely, right?

And how in the WORLD are you going to start your personal ad with a bunch of serious shit about health care? DUDE. YOU ARE NAKED AND CUPPING YOUR DICK AND BALLS IN YOUR HANDS!

Nobody is going to listen to what you’ve got to say about health care!

Can you just see it?

“Right, so did you see Jon Stewart the other ni– what? Wait… you mean my pubic hair? What’s the big deal? It’s really voluminous and soft. Really. Go on — touch it. It’s okay. I promise not to get an erection.”

RE: Bif: Why women are usually smarter than men — I think it’s because we must be retaining more of our body heat, thus further powering energy to our brains because WE’RE WEARING MORE CLOTHES THAN YOU.

He totally took these by a very open window. Mercy. Do you see the water droplets on the last one? God, please say it’s from the heat from the sun coming in his window.

I bet it’s really from him flexing. Sad torso looks SAD in that last one, too, doesn’t it?

I just can’t believe these are the pictures he chose. BAFFLING. And he’s not seeking casual sex! He’s seeking activity partners and new friends.

“Hi, new friend! My name is Bif! Check out these awesome pubes!”

[new friend runs away]

There’s just so much here that I feel like needs to be said and in the same breath, I feel like I just should sit back and fold my hands in my lap and marvel at his pubes.