Kitchens & Bathrooms
OkStupid — By Jami on November 11, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Those are the two rooms I can say, almost without any hesitation, you should NOT take your dating personal picture in. The bathroom, of course, because nobody wants to see your spotty mirror or your tacky shower curtain or, bless US, your toilet while conjuring up images of a first meeting with you.
But your kitchen is surprisingly intimate, folks. Think about it… You have a very special way of arranging things in your kitchen. There’s one particular spot I prefer to keep my tin of coffee and my french press in — if it is moved from that spot, I’ll either get a bit cranky or I will LITERALLY not even see the coffee pot. No lie. And really, what does it tell us about you when your picture is in your kitchen? Your living room is a mess? Your dad is asleep in the recliner in the living room, right? You still sleep in a twin bed, so that eliminates your bedroom as possible at-home photo opportunity. Hrm.
Well, I guess kitchen it is… All I can say for our friend Fabfourguy, is that AT LEAST he’s not in the bathroom. That would be far worse.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet fabfourguy… I am not quite clear on what he’s got “four” of, but I’m going to wager it’s four tubs of butter. I can see three in this picture, surely he’s got one on his farm style kitchen table, right? Maybe he buys them in bulk from Costco — I admire a man who is good with his money.
I want to come up with a nickname for his guy that fits him better than fabfourguy… I think Larry works well, don’t you? Larry, we need to talk about your carb consumption. That’s a LOT of bread back there.
And my grandma called – she wants her mini-mason jar salt and pepper shakers back. She know she said you could have them, but she misses them. They just work really well. Please send them home.
Also, she said to stop touching the oven like that. It’s inappropriate.
Oh, Larry… My grandma said she was looking for her porcelain doodads — have you seen her hand painted pitchers and knicknacks?
Hey, Larry, why do you have curtains in your kitchen? I’m curious because, for me, the only thing I do in my kitchen is cook, wash dishes, sometimes I eat things in front of the fridge with the door open… But there isn’t anything that I do in my kitchen that I would weary about having the neighbors see.
But I do love what you’ve done with that industrial grade runner… Did you get that at Costco, too?
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23 Comments
I’ve got curtains in the kitchen so creepers don’t look in. I don’t care what I’m doing. I don’t want to have people looking into my house watching me do stuff.
Super Lurve
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I bet he cooks a mean meat loaf. He’s kinda cute though, like Grandpa-ish. He probably has 4 grandkids. Yes, I would bet money the four is for his kids or grandkids.
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To be fair, it is clean, and pretty nice looking. I wouldn’t mind having kitchen cabinets like those. Compared to my minuscule kitchen, that’s paradise, even if it is a little effeminate for him to own. Maybe he actually got to keep the house in the divorce and hasn’t had the gumption to actually redecorate?
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He actually doesn’t seem that bad, except that he’s a tad hypocritical in his profile. He is offended if a woman isn’t attracted to him, but he also says attraction is a huge factor for him. Also, is that a banana in his pants, or is he very “excited” to cook an Italian dish in that third pic?
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Oh! You guys all must come from families with divorced/widowed/single/dating grandpas.
Step back, look at all the pictures in totality — it’s pretty strange. The last two are nearly identical in composition!
And did you not notice the three tubs of butter? Sitting next to some bananas? I’ll g’head and be an ass and assume, but what in the world do you need with THAT MUCH BUTTER?
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What can I say, the man loves his Country Crock.
—-”I Can’t Believe He’s Still Single” extra large economy size.
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This is where I whisper quietly… I save containers and reuse them to store other stuff in…. especially the larger ones.
Right now I have a ricotta cheese container sitting on my counter… full of dry rice I stuck in the blender and made powder out of it. It’s for the dog. Yes, I cook my dog her meals. She’s old and needs a special diet.
I have curtains on my windows too. They look nekkid with out something hanging there. And.. I’m a snob and won’t put a rebel flag or beach towel up in the window.
Super Lurve
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I was thinking the same thing. They’re probably full of other stuff. Course, that then makes me think he’s one of those annoying guys who save EVERY DAMN PLASTIC CONTAINER, thinking that “It could be used for something”. I once actually got injured when I opened a cabinet of a really nice guys apartment. There was such an avalanche of plastic containers that I didn’t see the glass jars he’d also stuck in there, to collect grease and throw it away “properly”.
I’m still debating whether this is a deal breaker or not.
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With Jami on this one — don’t think there’s any freak bacon cooking away in the oven at the moment, but definitely some bad choices were made here.
I think it was the stove-molestation did it in for me. His preparation for carving a butter statue of the Beatles (perhaps he’s thinking of this Fab Four?) certainly did not help, either.
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Doubt there’s butter in those containers; bet he’s rinsed them out for leftovers.
Typical profile of an aging guy. He wants a super attractive young woman despite being a bald fart. Oh, and a hot Christian girl. Guess it’s that whole Madonna/whore thing. (The virgin, not the singer)
Not really a wreck, though. Just…yawn.
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Maybe… just maybe, i am setting you guys up for the post tomorrow.
[Maniacal laughter]
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Buffalo Bill isn’t coming back, is he? I actually had a nightmare about him last night.
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lol… oh no. all i’m saying right now is “luxurious pubes.”
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Maybe it’s just me, but I was under the impression that the whole reason why you post multiple pictures is so you can show yourself in several different situations, right? “Here’s me in my kitchen” is perfectly acceptable for one photoe, but should be followed up by, “Here’s me building a snowman, here’s me feeding the homeless, here’s me making a wacky face while posing with friends strategically chosen because they look fun but none of them are more attractive than me…” At the very least, “Here’s me in my kitchen on a different day in a different outfit.” I was gonna congratulate this guy on at least having a friend take his picture for him, but based on the angle that all four pictures are taken from, I suspect self-timer and a digital camera sitting on the dining room table.
Super Lurve
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Geeze, I feel bad for this guy. As datewrecks go, he’s the most normal person I’ve ever seen on this website. Why him? God knows there’s a nearly inexhaustible supply of young hilariously wrecky people to choose from. OKcupid says this guy is 58% my friend(!).
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To be fair, if it was a choice between a bedroom picture and a kitchen picture, I’d totally choose the kitchen one..
You can judge a person pretty well by his/her kitchen.. The amount of similar pics he’s got of him in his kitchen is a tad too much, but I like them, makes him look like a nice, open-hearted, normal guy.
xx
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Agree with the defenders for the most part, but he should definitely try varying a) location and b) expression/outfit. Is that last one just a zoom-out of the 2nd to last? or do I imagine (like the song, ahah, you see what I did there with his nickname) a small change of expression?
But that stove definitely needs an adult. BAD TOUCH!
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Jami, you tease.
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[furiously batting my eyelashes]
I’ll post it tonight before I leave work (7pm eastern, holla!) because tonight and tomorrow morning are going to be nutty for me.
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Fabfourguy / “Larry” is obviously a Fab Four / Beatles fan.
I don’t know many people who don’t like at least one Beatles song, so he picked a pretty safe group to fanboy about. It was bland if acceptable twenty years ago to like the Fabs, and it will probably still be bland but acceptable twenty years from now.
Such is the magic of the Beatles. My grandmother, mother, younger sibling, toddler niece and I could all tolerate listening to the exact same CD. Not many musical groups you can claim that about.
It tells you absolutely nothing about White Bread Larry, though. It’s like saying your favourite colour is beige.
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I don’t know – I think saying your favorite color is beige says A WHOLE LOT about you.
And i’m really really nervous to read about the luxurious pubes. Because i’m supposed to be going to bed, and i know it’s gonna leave a mark. Damn you and your evil ways, Jami.
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No one’s favorite color is beige! I think saying your favorite color is beige is pretty much admitting you’re a serial killer.
Super Lurve
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Dude, buy some pants that fit!
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