The Perfect Remedy For You Brave Black Friday Shoppers
Craigslist Crazies — By Jami on November 30, 2009 at 12:47 am
I was stuck at work on Friday and would complain about it except that I was able to sleep until 8am and then drowsily roll out of bed and lumber to my job where I was able to sit in my chair and click my mouse and create beautiful things for people in exchange for dolla dolla bills.
There’s a lot of you that probably had a very different experience on Friday… Waking up at 3am… Jacking your shit up on RedBull or lattes… Tucking your door prizes into your shopping bags before the sun even rose… Bitch slapping motherfuckers when they tried to put their grimy paws on your god damn toaster oven! Arguing with police officers about who started what… Calling your friends or family members to bail you out of jail for disorderly conduct. Gathering up all of your presents and beaming from a heart full of Christmas cheer!
Dammit, I love Christmas. So, yea… You guys are probably sore from all the walking and wrestling and whatnot and I think I have the PERFECT thing for you.
Free Massage for any Woman – 47 (Norcross)
I am giving free sensual massage for any woman regardless of age, weight, race, or marital status. If you need attention, I am here for you. Tonight and tommorro night and some days available as well as all day on the weekends. Send a pic or description and contact me. I am also looking for a long term thing as well as being very oral. I am a bit on the submissive side so you let me know how you want me to please you.
In this season of giving, don’t forget to give to the most important person — yourself. Eyebrows McNothanks is here to dazzle your tired muscles with his delicate fingers. He wants to work those tired muscles and release all that tension from your body. And he’s doing this as his Christmas gift to you. How noble!
Just, you know… Don’t forget to leave your shoes over by the laundry hamper (?) in his apartment. He doesn’t like it when you wear your shoes around the house.
I love that HE is being particular about your age, race, weight, race and marital status. I think, when you’ve got a comb over paired with those eyebrows AND you’re naked AND you’re asking women to let you touch them without clothes on, you probably don’t get to be picky. I’m also apparently fucking shit up when I’m cutting and pasting, haha. Thanks, Helen.
I’m just saying.
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14 Comments
Reminds me of some guy I dated for a short period of time who claimed to be great at massage. I think he made it hurt more, not less.
What the heck does being very oral mean? Sounds like he’s never going to shut up.
Brilliant intro by the way, it made me giggle.
I worked on Black Friday, but my Rite Aid in a dinky little town wasn’t very busy.
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OMG – I didn’t know Mr. Bean was into that kind of shit.
Super Lurve
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OMG! I knew I had seen him somewhere before.
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This is from the straight to dvd release: “Mr. Bean Skeeves You Out in Ways You Never Thought Possible”.
Super Lurve
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Having seen Rowan Atkinson in a skin tight leotard (needed the mind bleach for that one) I can attest this dude is far too chubby to be Mr. Bean, those moobs are just all out of proportion.
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Hey, it’s nearly December. Why are you showing us leftover turkey?
Super Lurve
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Being “very oral” means that afterward you hope that the burning is, in fact, an eternal flame. And not something else.
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my first thought was, “sam waterston is on craigslist?”
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I don’t think he has a comb-over – rather a toupée.
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I’m just glad that someone’s boobs are saggier than mine.
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http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/1996-07-22/index.html
Bug-eyed Earl must be hard up for attention… Is his webcomic fanbase dwindling, I wonder?
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I feel like I can see his eyebrows waggle-ing at me over the computer.
:::waggle waggle::: There he goes AGAIN!
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I always was creeped out by Mr. Bean,
I mean really I-want-to-run-and-hide scared.
Seriously, seems like all these celebrity stunt doubles are starting to pop up, so I guess that business isn’t doing so well.
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it’s like mr. rogers died inside, and was replaced with some unbelievable, painful evil.
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