Totally squicked out.
OkStupid, Worst Wrecks — By Jami on November 1, 2009 at 8:00 am
Squicked out. It’s a phrase. It’s like… EW. Just EW EW EW.
And not by a cock picture (thank god) or some leacherous dude propositioning me.
I’m squicked out by this dude’s floor (and his couch).
Valerie sent these in with this message:
At first glance, his profile reads like a socially inept but basically harmless nerd, likely into Renaissance Faires with a fetish for 20 sided dice. He also probably fails all of his English classes at Moorpark College: “I claim my parent’s were breading for hairy people and they succeed.” (Really? Amazing.)
Johnnyobinome
22 / M / straight / Single
My Self-Summary
I am me. A bipedal male of the Homo Erectus species. I am currently attending Moorpark College. I want to be an engineer but right now am working on getting a welding certificate. I’m culturally Jewish but am not that observant. I like taking things apart to see how they work, although usually I can’t put them back together. I like singing lines from a song that a current conversation made me remember or a reference from something else. Hats, I like hats alot. Any type: Bollers, Durbies, Top hats, Fedoras, snap brims, porkpies. I don’t particularly like shoes. I like the rain and walking barefoot through it.
What I’m doing with my life
I am going to school at Moorpark College. I want to have a job in Industrial design. I like building with Lego’s and making medieval siege weapons
I’m really good at
I’m really good at giving unhelpful suggestions. robing a bank because you’re low on money, killing people because they’re annoying, offering to cause someone pain so they wont notice the other pain they have, things like that.
The first thing(s) people usually notice about me
The first thing people usually notice about me is my lack of footwear and that I always wear shorts. I guess they also notice I’m what people call fuzzy. I claim my parent’s were breading for hairy people and they succeed.
The six things I could never do without
Air, Water, Food, My glasses (without them I’m helpless), a scifi/fantasy book, something to work on with my hands(ie. chainmail), and you(I like cheesy pickup lines and that seemed the perfect time to use one)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to build a trebuchet (type of catapult) that i can also take apart and put in the back of a van to transport. Eventually I’ll build it then i will stop thinking about it.
On a typical Friday night I am
reading fantasy or playing video games (a very exciting night you can tell)
You should message me if
You should message me if you want to? don’t message me if you don’t want to.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit: I am not a super TIDY person. But I’m also not a DIRTY person. I have clutter. Occasionally, I’ll leave a cup in my room. I have too much stuff. It’s cluttered. But this… This makes me twitchy.
And did he just use “homo erectus” in his opening line, but NOT as a sexually-laced inneuendo? I’m almost disappointed in that!
RE: The What I’m Good At section — So you’re that annoying guy who always has something to say but really has nothing to contribute? AWESOME. Can’t WAIT to have you around during my next crisis to NOT help me out and totally get on my nerves.
I’m really kind of afraid that this guy HAS a van… With a trebuchet in the back.
Originally published on July 28, 2009
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31 Comments
I think this guy is a totally harmless nerd of the LARP variety. He’s someone I’d totally be friends with (and annoyed by) and hang out with on a regular basis. I would never dream of dating him, but I know 18 hims in my real-life, and I would almost actually guarantee that he’s a very sweet guy, just completely socially inept. And yes, messy.
Super Lurve
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Homo Erectus is an extinct dead-end branch of the human species. We are all Homo Sapiens Sapiens (yes 2 ‘sapiens’). Call an anthropologist!
I can deal with nerds and geeks, role-players and Lego builders – but they have to be smart -not just a smart-ass. But, that being said, the pirate costume and sticky-looking floor really do it for me. “Comb the Sweet-tarts out of your beard and I’m yours.” -”Don’t try to change me, baby.”
Super Lurve
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I’m personally impressed that he enjoys “robing” banks. I wonder what that entails? He must be some sort of magician, and must have a large serial killer van in which he stores said robe.
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I see a single male of the mom’s basement dwelling variety who actually managed to move out. Possibly, if he could find someone to make him give a shit, he would be cleaner and less spooky.
His apartment is the twin to my Wal-Mart employed, DnD playing brother-in-law’s. If my BiL wrote an ad it would sound like this, only dumber. And he’s engaged (poor girl does not know what she got herself into). Ad-Guy is both significantly better looking and has better taste in clothes, so there’s hope for him yet.
He’s still a social wreck, but at least he’s not alone.
Super Lurve
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As much as I hate wearing shoes.. and kick them off every chance I get… I’d be keeping them on if I was in a room like that!
And now I have a disturbing mental picture of some serious back hair going on. He’s young… just think how much worse it’s going to get when he gets older. ::shudder::
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Sorry, this guy is neither a nerd or a geek – he is a dork. There is a simple test which he failed. “I like building with Lego’s…” I know I am outing myself as an ubernerd for this, but I must say it: One builds with LEGO, not Legos and certainly not Lego’s.
This, of course, is the LEAST of his issues.
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Suddenly I find you kind of hot.
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He reminds me of my husband on pretty much all counts. (Except for the spelling/grammar stuff – DH is very careful with that shit, and has some smahts, too.) The first time I went to his apartment, it was a disaster area. The worst part was, I knew he had spent a few days cleaning before I arrived. I shudder to think of what the place looked like before “cleaning”.
WRT body hair, it’s good that he’s up front about it. Some folks can’t get past it, and you can’t always tell in pictures, especially when the guy has clothes on. Me, I’ve come to love me some wookie, but it’s been an acquired taste.
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Hear, hear, Tony V.!
This guy would be a rotten superhero – not only does he mock up a photo showing you both his secret and true identities, but he also clearly states his one weakness! Quick, Lex Luthor, get his glasses! Without them he’s helpless, muahahahahhaha….
Dude rubs me the wrong way. Like, he had the potential to be one of those cool geeks, but just isn’t smart enough to pull it off. Trying too hard. I bet some of his friends are cool. (He has to have at least one friend – someone had to have taken those photos, right?)
And, dude, I know what a trebuchet is. Just for underestimating me, I think you should only be allowed to wear a type of hat if you can spell it properly. So long, bollers and durbies!
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I totally thought of the superhero/’why would you give away your weakness’ thing, too, Rain! HA! And ha! on the hat comment.
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There’s no way in hell this guy could ever be an industrial designer with that living space. Industrial designers need to have an eye for design, which he obviously doesn’t have with his hand-me-down grandma couch. Also, it’s a super-competitive field that would eat him alive.
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I wonder if he goes sans shoes and full pants when he’s welding? Does his gay pirate costume offer full protection when he’s using a plasma cutter?
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I know this guy in real life. Damn, the internet is a small world. He’s actually a decent guy, just… nerdy and lonely. And he really doesn’t wear shoes, ever,
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Hi Guys,
I came across this site looking for the definition of “squicked out” of all things and really felt sorry for how this guy was being trashed.
When I read through his profile and saw he was an engineering student everything in his profile fell into place, even that (initially) weird comment about giving advice about robbing banks and torture techniques. As LichPrincess says, he’s nerdy and probably nervous, so .this was his way of being sarcastic, not realizing it would “squick out” the casual reader.
I worked with engineers for several years and was absolutely amazed at how guys who could get their heads wrapped around thermodynamics and differential calculus struggled to spell the simplest words (like… um … “tree” ). OK … maybe not that bad, but I think that’s more a comment on an educational/industrial system that puts a premium stuffing guys heads with data about hyperbolic functions (so they can design novel ways of dropping bombs on people) instead of learning how to communicate with their fellow human beings. Most of these guys were basically decent—and more importantly for our poor profile writer Johnnyobinome, married—in spite of their occasional lack of style, and I enjoyed working with them. I’m sure this guy will find someone.
One thing that squicks me out just a bit (aside from hyperneat people) is a Web site dedicated to slamming folk’s personals profiles. I’m as shocked as LichPrincess is that someone I personally know could get publicly slammed on the Internet just because some “squicko” they don’t know has too much time on his/her hands. What’s up with that? Aren’t personals covered by copyright?
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See the comment immediately following this one.
How does commentary about information that is found publicly online violate a copyright?
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I totally know this guy as well, or at least his very close relative. He’s actually a sweet harmless guy who loves his cats. I’m not sure if this is the same guy I know or his brother. In any case to guy I know is in law school with me and actually looks way better as of late since he was forced cut his hair/engage in grooming due to the shitty job marker.
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Here’s the thing:
All Date Wrecks are wrecks. Their personal ads or online profiles are terribly written and/or have horrible pictures.
Are all Date Wrecks bad people? No. Some Date Wrecks are just hopeless dudes or broads who are clueless about what attracts the opposite sex.
Do I think this guy is a terrrrrrible person and should be flogged? Of course not.
Would I sit, bare-assed on anything in his apartment? Absolutely not.
They’re mutually exclusive.
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Wow, seriously?
No kidding. The internet IS small.
I’d like to take this opportunity to say this – With the exception of cock-sharers and super-douches, I’m not out trying to hate on guys who may (or may not) be ACTUAL decent dudes. I’m just making fun of their dating profiles, which, nice guy or not, this one needs some SERIOUS help. I can’t imagine that a girl would ever read a profile like this (and see pictures like this!) and think, “Gosh, I sure do wish I had some of THAT in my life.”
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Yeah, for sure. Agreed.
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ARG Ye matees! I be searchin for some interweb bootay.
Come an’ I gives ye a ride on meh poop deck.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..Cover FX releases 3 new products =-.
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Christine!
I think I just snarfed Dr. Pepper up my nose. The burnnnnning! OW.
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Looks like my job here is done.
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Holy hell! Looking at these photos caused me to flashback to the apartment of my ex when we first met. And Jamie, you would not want to use the bathroom.
That is some loooong ass couch. How many cushions are on that thing?
I don’t know about breading and hair. I mean ew, who wants hair in their breading. That’s disgusting.
.-= Constance´s last blog ..An Ideal Vacation Spot? =-.
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OMG….I think I’d almost rather see a penis pic……almost. My eyes are burning now, gotta go flush them and these images out!
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Ha! His floor reminds me of my sophomore-year dorm room. Our carpet was equally covered with crumbs, cigarette ash, and bongwater.
And we were four long-haired girls, so imagine the state of the bathroom!
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I suspect an undiagnosed case of Asperger’s Syndrome.
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God, I hope not. If you’re diagnosed with AS when you’re 3 or 4 years old, you at least have a chance of learning some social competence and developing skills by the time you’re an adult. Undiagnosed for too long…well you’ve seen what happens.
Still, that might not even scratch the surface. I’ve coped with Asperger’s for years, and even in my worst moments, I’ve never piled up my social struggles into such a tall and flashy tower of failure.
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Waitwait… Johnny O’Binome? Oh, no, you did NOT just make a ReBoot reference. Get your creepy-bastard-ness out of my fandom.
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The way his hairline is goin’, he’ll have an awesome canvas for a Klingon forehead in 5 years.
I think all this guy needs is a vacuum, small furniture allowance, and a few remedial English (and spelling classes), and he’ll be just fine.
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I love that he is Homo erectus… which is actually an extinct species… while the rest of us are Homo sapiens.
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Perhaps there needs to be a kind of intervention session held on this website for adverts like this one and fabfourguy / Larry, where the poor guy just seems clueless and could use some pointers from a group of total strangers on the Internet.
Given that a different group of total strangers on the Internet are going to be looking at these profiles anyway, it seems to make sense.
I can see it now: sliding scales rating a particular entry’s appropriateness or grammar skillZ, and comment sections full of 43 people all screaming, “Don’t take a picture of your toilet, dude” and “WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN..PUT SOME CLOTHES ON,” et cetera.
Heh. Love this site.
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