Best of 2009
— By Jami on December 19, 2009 at 8:00 am
Post your favorite wrecks from 2009 in the comments.
A few of mine:
From Craigslist Crazies, the bottom of the online dating barrel:
Everything: Ur Doin’ It Wrong
Man in underpants. Does it get any better than that?
Ahh, Date Reports: Evidence that online dating can really suck balls sometimes.
Date Report: The Story of the Drill Penis and the Twat Bomb
The epic tale of the worst dating experience I’ve ever had. Seriously. If you haven’t read this one, tell your secretary to hold all your calls.
From YOUR Inbox: Bless your hearts, guys.
From Your Inbox: Can You Say CRAY-ZAY?
He’s changed, guys. He doesn’t want to DO drugs anymore, he wants to DISPENSE drugs to patients. DUR.
And From MY Box — Er, I mean, my INbox. Heh:
I may be cute…
College drop-out with unfortunate ‘shopped glasses seeks career counseling.
And From OkStupid – I can’t pick just one:
See Mark get made fun of, then see Mark dig the hole EVEN deeper.
The most luxurious pubic hair you will ever see in your life.
Not only the President of the TMI Foundation, but also a client!
She’s a lady — even though she’s topless and kind of disgusting.
Old Vag. ‘Nuff said.
The epic tale of a semi-censoring cock-shower with bad hair. And the video, FTW (even though I neglected to get together with my hair and makeup people).
The reason why the name “Rosie” has been forever ruined for your future daughters.
Old man in wrestling onesie.
I’m sure I missed SOMETHING. So… What are your favorites?
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17 Comments
I dunno, I’m kind of partial to the male art model guy in his underpants on the tree trunk. I think it was the sexy poses. Bless his heart…
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yesss, NudeGreg NudeGreg NudeGreg! Classy!! (Okay, I had to look it up. I was calling him Nekkid Glen in my head…well, I was kinda close, right?)
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I think I’m a little partial to the guy who was ingesting cleaning supplies and talking about the color of his sphincter.
I mean I’m no scientist, but I have seen the Sixth Sense, and if M. Night Shamwow is to be believed, then ingesting cleaning supplies can totally kill you and cause you to haunt little boys in pillow forts.
Not to mention when you shave all the hair on your body, it makes you look like Gollum… or that demon baby from the Passion of the Christ.
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I loved that guy. He’s got to be quite possibly the weirdest guy I’ve even seen on the internet. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen my fair share of weirdos, but I think this guy and his myspace takes the cake.
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fantasy carl. he wins. between “i am really good at: urinating” and the 13 cats… and that he is completely ku-ray-zee. although the guy that checked the color of his own sphincter was pretty remarkable as well.
and nude greg – come on… those poses are priceless!
great, wrecky year!
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Bill was the first date wreck I saw and he is still my favorite!
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Buffalo Bill was indeed a date wreck of epic proportions.
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Whatever happened to the Sunday Showcase? I always enjoyed reading those….
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They’ve trickled off, submission-wise. I’ve got two that I’m ready to start posting after Christmas, but I don’t get nearly as many as I used to. I want more!
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I don’t know about postings, but as far as titles go, “Crispy McBrownface doesn’t like sluts” makes me giggle like a kid every time I scan past it.
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You know why I love that one, too, Meredith? That’s the one that is most like how I talk in every day life. Heh.
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I dunno. I have passed along links to Luxurious Pubes so many times, but mostly, because pubes come up so often in friendly conversation. I still wonder if he doesn’t use mayo….
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http://datewrecks.com/2009/09/wrecky-repost-sioux-chef/
Sioux Chef, anyone?
How can I pick just one? I love them all as thought they were my sewer dwelling mutant children. They are ALL beautifully and perfectly wrecky in God’s eyes!!!
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Sitting here at work, with nothing to do, I realized I’ve been humming a tune in my head for the past hour. Without thinking I had added lyrics, inspired by DW.
The Birth of a Date Wreck
(to the tune of “Away in a Manger)
1:
They get out they’re cameras
And they take their pics
How could they not know?
They’d make everyone sick.
Their junk, unimpressive
Their profiles are lame
But these folk, not one time
Did show any shame
2:
They claim to be ladies
They claim to be gents
Ask you for a hot lay
But don’t wake the parents
“Stars and Bars” on their ta tas
Describe where they shave
Luxurious pube shots
And old skank va-ga-ga
3:
Then Jami, of Date Wrecks
Found these handsome guys
After hours of wretching
She made up her mind
She’d post these sick puppies
For all here to mock
She’d kindly warn viewers
Of the upcoming shock.
4:
From Mark, to dear Rosie
She’d go through them all
Nude Greg, and the Sioux Chef
Bring joy to us all
She’s been through the “Twat Bomb”
Read clit poetry
She posted our friend “Bill”
We laughed till we peed (just a little)
5:
So folks, learn your lesson
And please get a clue
Stop describing your spchincter
And showing your moobs
If you post the phrase “crotch fruit”
Or demand first date sex
There’s a good chance she’ll find you
Then you’ll be a Date Wreck.
I know it doesn’t rhyme perfectly…but I had to fit “moobs” in there somewhere.
Merry Christmas.
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HAHHAAH Loved it! That might be one of my new favorite Christmas carols.
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On further consideration, who was the one whose questionnaire spawned its own DW slang? I think the inadvertent creator of KYITN should at least get some sort of nod for his contribution to our amusement.
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