Back in the day, I would only post once or twice a week and I would stick a lot of different listings into one big post – ultimately, this is probably not “wise” blogging strategy, but whatever. I kind of like ‘em like this…
Sometimes, I imagine when I’m in traffic or in line at the grocery store or on the train that all the people around me are the rightful owners of these faceless Craigslist postings. It certainly makes sitting in traffic more fun for me.
A few from my local Craigslist in Atlanta:
lookin for that sexi mami thatll give it on tha 1st day – m4w – 20 (Atl)
okay so imm a 20 year old latino male lookin for a sexy mami chula ok so send me a email wit pics of what im workin with jus wanna me sum sexy latina or whatever to have them sexual relations partyin go clubbin whateva u dwn to do ill send u pics when u send me some
IT PAINS ME. Seriously. Not only is this joker wanting some “sexi mami” to give the ever-specific ”it” but now we’re expected to just give it up on the first day – what ever happened to expecting sex after a date? now we’ve regressed back to just like… the day. There’s no dinner any more? No movie? You can’t even pull out your phone and show me a couple of you tube videos first? At least buy me some gum at the gas station and pretend you want to have a conversation with me! No, it’s like… The sun is rising and now it’s time to put out. Fuck that shit.
And seriously — it physically HURTS my head and my heart to read writing like this. “send me a email wit pics of what im workin with”…? And a twenty year old saying ‘sexual relations’ – is this in style for the kids to use as a euphemism for sex now? ‘Stick my P into your V’, I’ve heard of. But ‘I wanna have them sexual relations’? Really? [sob] Where’s Whitney singing about the children and the future? I want to go back in time.
Oh, and guys, Mami Chula is a DJ here in Atlanta. Maybe he means her… Or maybe he means the general term “mami chula” which is just like a hot Puerto Rican chick. I don’t know. But what I DO know is that on 95.5 The Beat’s website, (click the DJ link), it lists the DJs as “DJ’s” … with an apostrophe.
FUCK. You guys are ruining all the hard work that smart southern people have put in. Jeez.
This Shouldn’t Be That Hard?? – 25 (Marietta)
I gotta say. I think deep down we all want someone to really love and be happy and sad with. I think we just go thru so much bull that it makes us act out at sometimes the wrong person. I also truly believe though w/o those mess ups and lost relationships. We wouldnt be who we are today. Or for that matter, progressed mentally, physically, and emotionally off of all the relationships we’ve been thru. I must say. Hi my names Shawn. I’m 25. single and no kids! I do work a great job and I drive! I have my own money and would never ask hardly for anything! Would to meet someone that like me or better?? Please hit me up if you want to know what I’m talking about…….
(There were pictures with this post, but they weren’t really wrecky, so I didn’t include them)
Warning: Stupid man child trying to sound deep!
Ok, so let’s play a game here. I think this is like one of those crazy word play things where you can rearrange the sentences and it reveals a hidden story. Let’s try:
Hi my names Shawn. I’m 25. single and no kids! Or for that matter, progressed mentally, physically, and emotionally off of all the relationships we’ve been thru. I do work a great job and I drive! We wouldnt be who we are today. I gotta say. I must say. I think we just go thru so much bull that it makes us act out at sometimes the wrong person. I have my own money and would never ask hardly for anything! I think deep down we all want someone to really love and be happy and sad with. I also truly believe though w/o those mess ups and lost relationships. Would to meet someone that like me or better?? Please hit me up if you want to know what I’m talking about…….
Hm… Nope. Seems to be just as jumbled of a rambly mess as before… I suppose we’re going to have to contact ol’ Shawn and find out what the fuck he was actually trying to communicate.
GOOD MAN SEEKING
Ladies (and I do mean LADIES), I’ve had the toughest time finding a special someone. I am looking for a long-term relationship, I am waiting until I’m married to get intimate… and that includes kissing. I AM looking for a LADY that IS ready to pursue a serious friendship which would lead to more. I AM looking for a woman who loves GOD. I’ve been told that you have to look to find.. well, I’ve been waiting on GOD and feel comfortable reaching out. I am very affectionate, caring, strong, focused, and desire to be the Priest, Prophet, and Provider of my home. I am 42 (although I often get mistaken for being 34), I have and LOVE kids. I used to work in youth ministry and have a knack for allowing kids to be kids, while loving them into obedience. I love to worship GOD and am looking forward to developing a life of intercessory prayer for our world, nation, city and communities. I desire a strong, sensitive woman… someone that is OK letting a man be a MAN. Someone who wouldn’t mind if her husbands sole desire was to make sure she didn’t have to work (if she didn’t want to)… Well, I could go on, but I hope this is enough to prompt a reply from that special one…
NO SPAM, NO DUDES, NO HOOKERS, NO PIC/NO REPLY!!!! Please use GOOD WOMAN so that I know it’s not Spam… thanks
So… I’m confused by this one… Is he a forty two year old virgin who HAS loved and CURRENTLY loves kids? Or did he just one of those born-again-virgins, aka guys who haven’t had sex is such a long time that they just get to roll the ol’ dickdometer back to six zeroes?And no kissing before you’re married?? ARE YOU FUCKING BANANAS? If a guy wanted to wait on marriage to kiss me, I would just prepare myself for him to be missing teeth… EW.
OOH. I know. Maybe there’s a code in this one. All of the capital letters — maybe it’s another secret message?!
LADIES, I AM LADY IS. I AM GOD. GOD LOVE GOD, OK? MAN? NO. SPAM? NO. DUDES? NO. HOOKERS? NO. PIC? NO. REPLY, GOOD WOMAN.
Fuck. Maybe these guys are just actually retards and there are no secret codes.
At least this last one is just like… keepin’ it real.
Looking for a Pretty Amputee Lady – m4w – 48 (College Park)
Looking for a clever, pretty woman who is missing a leg or an arm (or more.) I’m a nice guy, easy to look at and easy to talk to, 5’10″, dark hair, dark eyes, not an adonis but in decent shape, and kind and attentive in and out of bed. Age 25-50 is fine, and I make an effort to stay ht/wt proportionate and expect the same. I am in town on business this week and anywhere in metro Atlanta is fine to meet, so let’s have a pleasant night or two and see what happens! For just sex is fine, but warming up with dinner, drinks, and interesting conversation first would be better.
Legitimate replies don’t need a pic but must tell me that you are actually an amputee.
Now I think I’ve seen everything. Fetishes are strange to me, but I get them… I mean, there are probably things that I like sexually that deviate a bit from the mainstream. That’s okay. I’ve dated a guy with a real actual foot fetish. It’s really not a big deal… But I didn’t realize there was a market for “amputated stumps”. Is this an underground movement? What exactly does the dude want her to do with her lobbed off arm and/or leg? Shove it up inside of him? BARF. And how insensitive…
And what does “or more” mean when you’ve already mentally sawed off half of a woman’s appendages in your mind? Please be the victim of a chemical burn? I’d love it if you had webbed fingers and/or toes… (or more!)
In addition to this chick having a serious physical handicap, she’s under the pressure to also be pretty and get enough physical activity to be height and weight proportionate? Exactly how many amputated women are there in Atlanta that it strikes a man to think he can be particular about how she looks? I bet it’s a lot easier for you, Two LegsMcFetish, to stay in shape because you’ve got TWO LEGS.
Oh, and don’t worry. He’s not some creep that wants to jizz in his hands by way of his collection of photographs of one-legged, one-armed Southern Belles. Nah, ladies… All you have to do is just TELL him you’re an amputee. Just better hope you’re not lying. That would be one VERY hard lie to weasel your way out of.
