Jami: I know that’s the first thing I think of when I see that stroke-esque smirk on his face: LOVER. Totally. Also, when I see a man with a username with tongue in it, I IMMEDIATELY think of the word gentleman… Or, sorry… I mean gentelman. Yes, that’s it. And he’s TOTALLY 41 guys… Or… I mean, maybe he’s 43…? He’s definitely NOT a retired senior citizen with access to Just For Men in Auburn.

PC: I dunno, 41 years of crystal meth could do that to the human body, assuming his mom mixed it into his formula as soon as he was weaned off of NyQuil.

Jami: Drugs are bad, kids. Nobody says they wanna be a creepy, bushy haired weirdo on the internet when they grow up.

PC: Well, Perez Hilton said that, but drugs are still bad.

My Self-Summary

iam a kind hearted man i will agree an disagree with you i will respect a lady an i love all kinds of ladies skinny thicknbeautiful.i hope i get to no a nice lady.an i see on okcupid wemen dont no a good man if he bit them in the butt.like this morning i said hi to this fat white lady an she couldnt say hi back she better be glad someone speaks to her her name is [redacted] wouldnt say hi at all

Jami: I think if you’re biting women in the butt, you should probably stop. That’s like… assault, gramps. And poor [redacted] – she seems like a real nice older lady with her head square on her shoulders. But listen up all your thicknbeautiful ladies… Dude with the chalky tongue wants to talk to you.

PC: I just want to know what “wemen’ are.  Must be what you get when you mix women with… shudder.

Jami: [imagining a giant blender] I’m shuddering too, PC.

What I’m doing with my life

what i have done i work an i finally got my house paid for 3 br house

Jami: You… work. Awesome. No need for any more details in that respect. Thanks.

PC: Admit it Jami, you were surprised.  And no more house payments, very cool.  It’s a lot easier for the bank to take it back when it’s on wheels.

I’m really good at

iam really good at sex baseball football dirt bikes just haveing fun.i also do computer repair everything you mess up ill fix install windows major repairs an it guaranteed work

Jami: Mmmm… Man, this post is almost getting too sexy for me… Imagining old, cracked palms grazing against the alabaster curves of my back… It’s enough to give you the willies isn’t it?! Jeez. But don’t get too bent out of shape because he can fix your computer… Oh, um… If you have a Commodore 64. Even if you go all ‘Office Space’ and take a bat to your shit, he can fix EVERYTHING you mess up.

PC: I know that I wouldn’t let anyone “do computer repair” for me unless they could assure me that “it guaranteed work”.

Jami: Also, he’s good at sex. Remember? THIS IS THE WHOLE PACKAGE GIRLS.

The first things people usually notice about me

i really dont care what people think period

Jami: Alright, crankypants, that’s the question. Since you don’t seem to understand, I’ll break it down for you: when people first see you they notice your Quasimodo-gait and how your left foot is turned perpendicular to your right foot. They probably notice the way you’re breathing really loudly, through your mouth and then when you’re able to purse your cracked lips shut, they might notice the old man whistle in your nose. And your red hair. Maybe your glasses.

PC: The first thing I noticed was that his right eye is either missing, covered by some sort of flesh colored eye patch, or permanently closed by an affliction I don’t even want to speculate about.

Jami: Quasimodo + Cyclops = that which nightmares are made of…?

My favorite books, movies, music, and food

dont read books except playboy

Jami: [slow clap]

PC: Playboy, oh please.  He’s trying to impress you.  Easy Rider is more like it.  Unless he wants to read one of his own letters.  ”Dear Penthouse Forum:  I never thought it would happen to me.  There I was, in line at the liquor store, when two hot homeless crackwhores were showing me which teeth they had most recently lost.”

The six things I could never do without

money computer cell phone eating a good women an sex

Jami: Isn’t that five? 1) Money… 2) Computer… 3) Cell phone… 4) Eating a Good Women… 5) “An” Sex.

PC: 6) My right eye, oh wait, I lost that already.

Jami: [shrug] Is “an” short for anal sex? I have so many questions to ask this bachelor.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

a good women is there any out there somewere.so far havent found any.

Jami: I think the problem is with your … Hmm… I’m no expert. PC, what do you call it when someone says women instead of woman…? Like, grammatically…?

PC: Challenged.  Retarded.  Recovering from a seizure of some sort.

Jami: Ah! Right. It was on the tip of my tongue. Thanks, friend.

On a typical Friday night I am

danceing trying to find a women none here.were iam a women dont want a good man .if he uses drugs an drink thats what they pick

Jami: Have you tried leaving your house yet, pal? And you’re telling me that with that contorted, rode-hard-”an”-hung-up-wet face you’ve NEVER drank or done drugs? REALLY? I’m supposed to believe that?

PC: Oh come on Jami, he’s only three years older than me.

Jami: God, when you say it like that, PC… You sound really old. Way to go, man.

PC: Oh, you kids, with your websites, and your Nintendos, and your cell phones that are small enough to fit in your backpacks. Remind me to tell you about the seventies. And the early eighties.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

haveing sex in back yard was fun

Jami: NO! STOP IT! This is not okay!

PC: Nor was it private, I’ll wager, especially if a hedge can contract mange.

Jami: Oooohhhh GOD!

You should message me if

if you want to have a good time get rid of your troubles iam a fun guy.am if your a stuck up eomen that i have seen on here please dont bother me .hate a women whos boreing

Jami: PC, I was just thinking to myself, “Self, you should get rid of your troubles!” And then I thought some more and realized the the way to get rid of my troubles is to go have a good time with a fun guy! DUH, right? I know. I think, somewhere in these final words from our friend here, there’s another Date Wrecks tshirt slogan or something…

PC: See, Jami, you just don’t understand this guy. He don’t need nothing, but a good time.

Jami: You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to click that link.

PC: How can you resist?