He Said – She Said: New Dog, Old Tricks

He Said -- She Said — By Jami on December 9, 2009 at 1:29 am

he said she said1 He Said   She Said:  New Dog, Old Tricks

PC: Hey Jami, you know how I know when we have a good candidate for HSSS?

Jami: When I email you and say, “Hey, this is what we’re writing about this week.”?

PC: When I can’t decide which is worse, the picture or the written profile. Gold. Fricken gold.

 He Said   She Said:  New Dog, Old Tricks

one_sapien

47 / M / straight / Single

Arkdale, Wisconsin

PC: I didn’t even know you could have a passport photo taken at a Molly Hatchet concert.

Jami: NO! Turn around, asshole! Go TOWARD the light. Jesus. I have to do everything around here.

 He Said   She Said:  New Dog, Old Tricks

PC: Then again, it is comforting to know he’s properly caged.

Jami: …ooooooveralls. Seriously… OVERALLS. [silent prayer thanking the good lawd for making me a city girl]

My Self Summary

Older Wolf/Dog free to a good home. May need some miscellaneous training because he likes to get dirty. He also likes walks and runs in mountainous woods, peeing on trees, swimming in lakes and streams, and sniffing, licking, and eating enticing and interesting objects. Likes puppies and kids, but doesn’t get along with those who don’t know when to put their tail down and be submissive. Sometimes jumps, likes tummy rubs, sleeps almost anywhere, is usually quiet except when strangers enter his space, but doesn’t hump legs, often.

PC: This is me swatting you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. “No! Bad dog! No associating sex with animals, or peeing, or kids! No!”

Jami: Anybody want to email him and work out an elaborate audition tape that includes him on all fours pretending to be a dog? Anybody else a little freaked out about how incredible good he would be at this?

Interested parties should send pictures of yard/woods/mountains, bed, and legs. Oh, and a picture of your face so he can recognize you will help too. Also include proposed negotiation for sleeping and eating arrangements, as these may be a possible waver for stud fees.

PC: Yeah. Because that’s gonna happen.

Jami: Of course he wants pictures of the legs… Gotta see the humpin’ goods. But yea, oh… Whatever, your face, sure, okay. You can see her face when you’re fucking doggy style anyway, right? Did he just say STUD FEES? Do I get a discount on the stud fees if you spend ten minutes wrestling your overalls off your body?

PC: He meant STDs. The only thing missing is U.

P.S. He has some four legged friends that will accompany him.

P.P.S. I live in a ‘real’ log cabin, not one of those expensive prefab ones, and it is surrounded by various pines on a hill. I’m a philosopher, a realist, a poet, and sometimes howl at the Moon.

PC: Log cabin? I’m picturing a hollowed out tree trunk.

Jami: I guess ‘real’ means ‘cheap’…? Next, he’ll be like, “The heat in my house isn’t ‘hot’ but it’s REAL.”

I’ve posted some poems in my journal and I’ll post more when I feel like it. Go read them now and comment if you feel moved to do so. Maybe I’ll even reply to your comment. ;)

Jami: OMG. I totally didn’t even SEE that he had journal entries. Squee!

PC: I almost forgot that we were continuing our bad poetry theme. Go. Read. Enjoy. Bring a sick bag. “He Who Walks With The Wolf And Is The Wolf”

Jami: Bring a … doggy bag?

PC: Don’t make me get my rolled up newspaper Jami.

I have a myspace page where I post some of my poetry and pics of some of my Wolf-Dogs. You’ll have to email me for the address. ;)

PC: Myspace. Home of poetry, and pics of Wolf-Dogs.

Jami: What do you know! Another forty plus motherfucker on MySpace. Listen, okay… If you are on MySpace, just stop it already. “But my music player!” SHUT THE FUCK UP.

PC: This message brought to you by Twitter. Incidentally, follow me on Twitter. I’d tell you how, but I actually have no idea what Twitter is, or why I’m on it.

Jami: *ahem* He’s @PersonalsCritic

Who I’m looking for

I’m looking for a co-creator, my Anam Cara, a woman who wants to be my friend first, and more if we both feel the same about each other. A woman to be my equal, although sometimes I’ll lead, and when she’s good maybe I’ll let her lead. ;)

If you don’t know what an “Anam Cara” is, google it, or send me a message and I’ll send you a short excerpt I have.

Jami: [googling Anam Cara] *ahem* “Anam Cara, Gaelic for “soul friend,” is an ancient journey down a nearly forgotten path of wisdom into what it means to be human.” Oh FUCK. He’s probably also a Ren-Faire Freak.

You must love LARGE dogs too. :-) Ow Ow Owoo! I can hear them howling now. LOL

PC: I am currently holding the pointed end of a pencil up to my ear, could somebody just go ahead and drive it home for me?

Jami: Is he talking about his panty puppy? (*whispers to PC* his cock?!) Or his actual large dog?

I have a long term plan for my life which I live each day and I’m looking for that special girl who wants to join me. Living our lives and raising a family close to the Earth, and growing and raising as much of our own food with as small a footprint as possible. If you can’t picture working in a garden, heating with wood, solar power/off-grid(in the near future) using a compost/sawdust toilet or an outhouse look elsewhere. Note: I actually have and use a toilet and septic system. ;-)

PC: See, this is what I’m doing wrong Jami. I’ll bet the women would just throw themselves at my feet if I tempted them with the possibility of sharing a sawdust toilet with me.

Jami: I can’t say the idea of living with a small footprint isn’t a bit appealing. As someone who is down with takin’ care of the planet, I think this is a great idea. Growing and canning vegetables, crackling fireplaces, dodging taxes — all of that sounds GREAT! I will not EVER shit in a sawdust toilet. There is no fucking way.

I won’t use what I don’t ‘need’ so there will be something left for future generations. I’m living for a sustainable future.

I have what I ‘need’ and have let go of most of my ‘wants’. So, I do not require any, what I call “little penis toys” to sooth my ego.

PC: Uh, Jami? What’s a penis toy?

Jami: Um, you know… It’s like the kind of thing you buy your penis for Christmas… So it has like… something to play with. [shrug] I don’t speak dawg.

Note: Just because your picture may be intriguing doesn’t mean I’ll message you. I’ll read your profile, determine if you have the required depth, and then decide if your worth some of my valuable time.

PC: Okay, I’m making a list now. Hideous photo, check. Sawdust toilet, check. Arrogant presumption, check check check.

Jami: I want to know what qualifies as ‘intriguing’ on his part for a picture… A shiny coat? Healthy teeth?

Additionally, make sure you read the info. in the “You should Message me if” section!

Question : If most guys think with their dick, do most women think with their clit? Be honest!

PC: I actually try to think with a different part of my anatomy each day. Tomorrow I’m thinking with my spleen.

Jami: Oh for fuck’s sake! Yes, wolfman, YES. I think with my clit. It tells me all the things I should do in a day.

I’m much deeper than that, and prefer to know a woman at greater depth before I will decide if she qualifies (passes some of my tests) as someone who I’d like to know on a sexually intimate level.

PC: Jami, I’m gonna go ahead and speak for all womankind here, if you don’t mind. (Taps the microphone.) Fuck you dude.

Jami: You haven’t showered in what? Weeks? Months? And you’re going to be administering tests? I hope you crack a window or something.

I’m really good at

Being’ with dogs (they think I’m one of them, because I probably look like one, and sometimes smell like one too. ;-) ),

PC: A hundred bucks says those dogs have coughed up hairballs that were not their hair.

Jami: Ten to one, he’s fucked one of them before.

psychology, high intuitiveness/sensing how others feel, communicating on a feeling level while maintaining rationality, computers, dry humor, and I’m a great listener. I’ll actually repeat what you’ve said if I’m not sure I understood what you’re trying to say.

PC: Yeah, I’ll bet that’s not at all condescending and irritating.

The first thing people usually notice about me

My Blue-Green Eyes and calming voice.

PC: Also, my decidedly canine odor.

Jami: I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the fact that you have fourteen pounds of hair coming out of your head and NONE OF IT IS COMING OUT OF THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD. That’s the first thing I’d notice. And then, yes, followed by the wet-dog stink coming from said hair.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Why people do what they do and say what they say. How to help myself and others heal from unresolved psychic/emotional trauma. Why most men are obsessed with the size of their cocks, but women never brag how big their cookie is. ;) Must be a little penis ego thing, don’t ya think. LOL

PC: Cookie. He called it a cookie.

Jami: … Ladies, if your cookie looks like it’s got chocolate chips, get it checked out. However, if there are nuts in your cookie, you’re fine.

PC: I can’t decide if I’m hungry or horny.

On a typical Friday night I am

At home playing with my Wolf-Dogs, surfing the internet, or chatting with friends on a forum I frequent. Better than wasting time getting turned off at a bar with a bunch of drunks.

PC: Hey look, we found the last guy who still trolls chatrooms.

Jami: Even better, here’s a hairy, socially awkward dude who likely visits Ren Faires and is closer to his dogs than anyone else on the planet and GUESS WHAT? He’s at home on a Friday night… doing nothing. Suh-prize.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit here

I used to be a drunk when I was in college. I’ve been sober over 23 years, since Dec. of 1985. Therefore, I live a brutally honest life. If you don’t want to hear the truth, you won’t want to be my friend.

PC: Hey Jami, picture yourself curling up in bed with this guy, and you’re both stone sober. Go ahead, I dare you.

Jami: Why would you do that to me, PC? That is just unfair. You know we write these posts in the evenings and I’m going to be crawling into my bed in just a little while and everytime one of my own stray hairs touches my shoulder or my arms, I’m going to leap up and swat at my skin like I’m covered with ants now. Thanks. Thanks a fucking heap.

Two of my Wolf-Dogs sleep near or next to me. So, if in the future you have any interest in getting close to me you’ll have to be accepted by them. The Alpha male loves people, but the Alpha female; she protects her family, and well you know what women can be like. ;-)

PC: Yeah, women. Constantly sniffing my crotch, and tugging on their leashes, and licking their own butts.

Jami: Ohh, yes! She’s a crazy bitch! And of course the dogs sleep next to you! How else are you going to have sex with them!?

Oh, and I’m a little crazy. Shut up! You weren’t supposed to say that! You just ruined everything! Piss off! What? What did you just say to me? You heard me. I can say whatever I want too. The others don’t care, so why should you. ;) LOL

PC: If you use LOL in any context whatsoever other than a chat or text message, you are a douche. Actually, even in those instances, you’re still a douche. Everybody, stop LOLing. Right now.

Jami: I’m mostly laughing at the fact that he’s imagining some woman reading through all the dog metaphors and getting to the line, “I’m a little crazy,” and throwing their hands up in the air. “Oh fuck it! Nevermind! He said he’s crazy – I’m outta here.” But kudos to him for demonstrating in a really concise paragraph just how crazy he is by HAVING AN ARGUMENT WITH HIMSELF. Nicely done.

PC: No Jami, that was supposed to be humor. He was making a joke. See, he called himself crazy, then pretended to have an argument with himself. Ah, subtlety.

Update Aug. 2008. I lost my oldest Wolf-Dog Merlin. He was 13-1/2 and my best friend. Helped me through a lot of crap over the years. Now you’ll only have to get past Abbey to get in my pants. LOL

PC: Oh, hey look, I found some more vomit. It was down there with the bile. Super.

Jami: Thanks for updating your profile a YEAR AGO. Also, thanks for totally dishonoring Merlin like that man… I mean, you miss your dog and then you just cheapen it all by talking about how his WIFE blocks your cock. Have a little respect!

You should message me if

Send me an email if you enjoy anything of the things I’ve written here. If you’re not afraid of talking with an honest man who does not play games. Life is too important to waste it messing with people’s heads, their emotions, and/or their lives.

PC: Actually, messing with people’s heads, emotions, and/or lives is pretty much the most important part of my life.

Jami: [internet high five]

If you know how to type and spell WITHOUT replacing letters with numbers and symbols. It shows how influenced you are by trends and fads, and is something that turns me OFF in less than a heartbeat. Even if you look like a super model, this lack of true participation in REAL communication shows your shallowness, or at least you’re very lazy about how you communicate with people.

PC: Says the guy who peppers his post with LOLs.

Jami: And howls at moons.

I walk my own path and prefer a woman who does the same.

PC: Jami, how many roads must a man go down, before he knows he’s a man?

Jami: [eyeroll] Again with the super old music, PC. I’m going to tie you down and make you listen to Top 40.

If you’d like to know my given Native American name.

PC: Combs With A Rake.

Jami: I can’t beat that. I just tried typing six different things here, but I’m stumped. You beat me, PC.

If you’d like to know my myspace address where I post my poetry.

Jami: I can’t believe I just spent ten minutes trying to find this guy on MySpace. UGH. I did find this guy though which… I mean, that’s just funny.

NOTE: Don’t contact me if you’re politically correct, a bible thumper, from the extreme right, or a screaming left wing liberal who wants to save the world. You can’t save people who don’t want to be, or don’t need to be saved! Nor can you save them from their own stupidity, self-imposed ignorance, or their denial of reality! GET OVER IT! Live your own life.

Jami: In a van… Down by the river… With your wolf-dogs.

All you can do is live by example, and those who are open minded will learn from you.

If I had my choice, the world would be more like it is portrayed in Star Trek. However, the people of this planet have not outgrown their pettiness when it comes to religion, greed, and politics. Only when they out grow their own personal insecurities will we be able to live without abuse, crime, and wars.

PC: He’s a Trekkie. Shocking. Now you know why he looks like a Tribble with male pattern baldness.

Jami: I’m WAY too cool to know what a Tribble is.

Now go look in the mirror and tell yourself “self, you gotta stop being so serious.” Then tell your dog that he/she should stop farting when friends visit. LOL

PC: Then get a stepladder, climb it, and jump repeatedly into your ceiling fan.

Jami: Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump….

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      57 Comments

    • kristin says:

      the fact that he needs to put in “LOL” only highlights just how UN-funny he is

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • Rain says:

      Ohhhhhhhhhh my.

      I am a person who has been known to call her dogs “wolves.” To see him do it is just…man, I do it cuz it’s cute, not to be a pompous “deep” jerk!

      Please do not let this man colour your view of people who like dogs!! We’re not all this crazy!

      Who took that photo with the four (four dogs is too many for one man – that’s the equivalent of, like, seventeen cats) dogs??? Tourist? FBI surveillance? Surely not a “friend”!

      ….and Randy’s MySpace *is* just funny. Poor guy. He came looking for friends and only found Tom. Tom is not your friend, Randy. Also, Randy, you do not appear to be literate.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

      • Sarah says:

        I think the fifth dog must have taken it?

        And I’ll take the dogs, but the creepy murderer guy has to stay in his log cabin. He does not get visitation rights.

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        • Rain says:

          I can’t believe I wasted any more brainpower on thinking about this guy, but I think he may actually mean they are actual wolf-dog crosses….that just ratchets up the creepy/scary factor a few notches….

          Love it or hate it? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

      • Rain says:

        Oh my god I’m a freakin moron. I go to “love” Sarah’s comment and loved my own….I’m gonna hate it just to balance things out…..then honestly, truly, really, I’ll get back to work, I swear…..

        Love it or hate it? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

        • Rain says:

          would somebody either give me the option to delete my moron comments or not even let me near the internet till i’ve had my first cup of tea? of course I can’t vote twice on the same comment. I can’t love AND hate something, apparently…The computer is smarter than me! :(

          Love it or hate it? Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      • sag says:

        What? He’s not calling his dogs wolf-dogs to be “deep”. I think he was calling them wolf-dogs because that is what they *are*. The result of an actual wolf breeding with a dog…

        Has anyone considered he has so many wolfdogs because he has some sort of sanctuary, or at least a large plot of land to keep them on? A lot of people buy wolfdogs because they think they’re cute, and then are no longer able to handle them when they grow up, so they usually send them to places like wolfdog sanctuaries. I think it’s actually pretty nice of this guy to keep them. That being said, I wish he’d take a minute to shut up about them.

        We\\\\\\\'re on the fence. And it hurts our no-no zone. Thumb up 7 Thumb down 7

    • Paige says:

      I’d like to meet the woman who would voluntarily agree to go live in a log shack smelling vaguely of wet dog and sawdust toilet, with a man who still wears overalls. Seriously?

      If you’re older than 4 and it’s not 1996, overalls are a MAJOR no… or should I say an Oshkosh omigosh, no!

      On the upside, he’s… umm… the dogs?… no…

      I was wrong, there is no upside. This is just one big farm of fail, followed by a hay ride full of awkward.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 34 Thumb down 1

    • Katz says:

      I don’t suppose it’s worth trying to explain to this guy that burning wood to heat your house is not eco-friendly or sustainable? For that matter, neither is keeping a million huge dogs.

      But then, I guess commenting on that is deck chairs on the Titanic territory.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

      • Tullia says:

        Also, why is he watching TV, namely _Star Trek_? Aren’t TVs eco-hateful, not to mention shallow, materialistic, etc.?

        And damn, but I’m tired of seeing ads from guys informing you that you just _might_ be good enough for them, but you’ll be on notice forever and ever. But hey, a great guy like him, he deserves the best! How great is he? Wow! He’s such a great guy that he listens AND actually tries to understand what you’re saying! He’s brutally honest! He has a toilet! Even supermodels aren’t good enough for him if they use l33t-speak, that’s how deep he is! SUPERMODELS, people! Those are his standards!

        Jesus.

        Super Lurve Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1

      • thepersonalscritic says:

        Explain it to me Katz. Not to defend our douche-du-jour, but I burn wood. I employ responsible forestry techniques, and consider wood heat to be 100 percent responsible and sustainable. Yes, my chimneys make smoke, but I take great care in burning wood that has dried as much as possible, reducing creosote and other
        “negative outputs”.

        Don’t get me wrong, I’m no tree hugging liberal, nor am I a conservative dittohead. I’m just a relatively intelligent politically independent dude with lots of land and absolutely no interest in purchasing oil, propane, or reprocessed chemically enhanced wood pellets. I heat my house every winter, here in the snow-covered sub-zero boonies of Vermont, for a few dollars. Please let me know what you would do in my place.

        Super Lurve Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

        • Mallory says:

          I love how you put politics into this post (sarcasm-here).

          “I’m no tree hugging liberal or a conservative dittohead”

          As if those are the only two options if you care about the environment. Can’t you be a moderate who doesn’t like to side with a particular party but also wants to reduce their eco-footprint?

          Also, isn’t this blog about making fun of people, not spreading your political beliefs and bragging about your wood-fire stove?

          Love it or hate it? Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      • Canaduck says:

        Seriously though, it sounds like you’re just picking at minor details. He’s a pretentious, annoying freak and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him, but it sounds like he’s probably doing way more for the environment than most of us.

        Love it or hate it? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

    • Limey6 says:

      Hey it’s Three Wolf Moon Man!

      “sniffing, licking and eating enticing and interesting objects” -is this a cunnilingus reference? He’s like the Ali G of the mountains.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

      • Hugh says:

        I think it was. At least he didn’t feel the need to mention that He’s Also Very Good At It. He probably growls when he’s doing it.

        “Likes puppies and kids, but doesn’t get along with those who don’t know when to put their tail down and be submissive.”

        So, you may end up gagged and strung up in a sex swing in the root cellar of his log cabin, but at least he likes kids! There’s hope.

        Super Lurve Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

    • Kate says:

      I think that the most disturbing part about this post, is that he specifies going “off the grid” in the future.
      Now it may mean a different thing in the US, but in Australia, off the grid means no phone or internet connection as well as no (external) power connection.
      So this “sometimes crazy” man is wanting a woman, who knows when to be submissive, to move in with him and his “wolf-dogs”, to a self-described authentic log cabin in the woods, that will soon be without any outside access?
      No thanks mate, I’ve seen this movie before, and I don’t make the sequel!

      Super Lurve Thumb up 21 Thumb down 0

      • Sammie says:

        Yeah, in the U.S. “going off the grid” means to be completely self-sufficient power-wise, which is actually pretty commendable… not that it mitigates the overwhelming stench of creepy on this one.

        Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Jolene says:

      This guy has got to be one of the craziest furries I’ve ever seen.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

    • Meredith says:

      You must love the planet and hate current trends. Oh, except for the computer, which we use to surf the internet and get the latest news and information on MY chosen subjects. Oh, and Star Trek, which one could argue is no longer “current” either.

      “Star Trek: it’s not a trend…it’s a lifestyle”.

      Why DO so many men who want to live “off the grid” not realize that the computer IS pretty much “the grid” now?????

      Super Lurve Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

    • Meredith says:

      AND why does all my funny dry up as soon as I go to write somethign on here? grrrr…

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • drcindi says:

      dude. this is PURE GENIUS. mad props!!!! i bow to you…

      “PC: He meant STDs. The only thing missing is U.”

      Super Lurve Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

    • Annie says:

      Why why why do I always clickie on the links? His “poetry” makes me want to go chew some grass so I can barf it out of my mind.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

    • Kim H says:

      I don’t know. Maybe some Stephenie-Meyer-obsessed middle-aged woman would seriously consider fighting Abbey for possession of “Buck.”

      Personally, he kinda reminds me of John Rhys-Davies as Gimli the dwarf (look: my husband made me see the frickin’ hobbit movie.)

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

    • James says:

      I’m so, so curious to find out what sort of “tests” you have to pass in order to get “sexually intimate” with the Old Man of the Mountain. Do you have to follow a series of clues, each more fiendish than the last? Is it like Double Dare, where you have to perform a Physical Challenge involving sliding down a chocolate-milkshake-and-dog-drool slide?

      One thing’s for sure: you’ll need to prove you’ve had all your shots.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

      • Andrew says:

        Yup, you have to find the orange flag in the drool-shake, pass it to your alpha male before time runs out and you’ll win a fabulous prize! Harvey, tell ‘em what they’ll win!

        “Sure, Marc, a fabulous trip to Alaska! You and Wolfman will go on an 6-day, 5-night trip to the Iditarod where you will sit right at the finish line and be given two ‘Get out of Bestiality Laws’ passes by the governor! Gooooood Luck!”

        Super Lurve Thumb up 9 Thumb down 1

        • Jami says:

          I do miss quality programming like Double Dare. This comment just now made me sort of rise out of my seat with a wide eyed look, clasp my hands together in the center of my chest and then cover my mouth in anticipation for the prize! Oh, Harvey! Please make it a Nintendo! I so desperately want to play Duck Hunt!

          Gah, this made my heart happy. Off to go search the internet for video of Double Dare.

          Super Lurve Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

          • Andrew says:

            You have to thank James for that one, James. I am not nearly creative enough to come up with that on my own. I had to IMDB Double Dare to figure out the announcer’s name. And yes, I used IMDB as a verb.

            Love it or hate it? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • Andrew says:

      Ever since I laid eyes on those alpha dogs and that sheer Epsilon of a human, I knew that only pure DW magic could come of this personal. I was not let down. Well played, you two.

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    • LoBeLa says:

      Found his myspace; http://www.myspace.com/poetryinthewind I have no funny comment, so I will go away and let the funny people do their thing.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

    • Frog says:

      Could we have a season of The Simple Life with wolf-dog-man and Paris Hilton living together during one month? Pretty please with organic saw-dust on top.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

    • Mira says:

      Some of his “poetry”:

      “Where are you now
      Mystery woman
      I could really use a hug
      As long as you don’t try to take advantage of me
      And squeeze my ass
      Although I might end up doing the same to you
      And who knows where that would lead to

      Probably would be pretty hot
      And sweaty too”

      Ick. Just ick. I need a shower.

      Also:

      “I can deal with the infrequent loneliness
      The problem is dealing with the ‘alone’ feeling
      Which comes even less often”

      Wow. So deep. Loneliness and feeling alone are the same thing, Jackass.

      “Passion and heat
      Which make us sweat
      The sweet taste of …”

      …. my vomit from reading this line.

      “I don’t know what to call it
      My memories of it
      Are of and old black and white photograph
      Which has become faded out of focus”

      What’s “it”? The last time you had sex? Because I’m pretty sure it was a long time ago, if ever.

      “Are you up for it
      Or should I say
      Are you open to it
      Because I am up for it”

      Ok, we all know you’re “up” for it. And we also know “it” is one of your dogs.

      P.S.

      This is my first time commenting. Jami, I love your blog.

      Super Lurve Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

    • helen says:

      ah, mr one-sapien, so named since you are the one sapien you apparently come in contact with.

      and after finishing the first paragraph, i thank you, pc, for filling in my exact feelings, albeit snarkier than i would have been able to manage: This is me swatting you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. ”No! Bad dog! No associating sex with animals, or peeing, or kids! No!”

      so, basically, when you get down to your awful live, alone, without friends, in the woods, you decide to get “off the grid” – this seems to be a trend among the wreckiest of wrecks.

      Love it or hate it? Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

    • helen says:

      ah, mr one-sapien, so named since you are the one sapien you apparently come in contact with.

      and after finishing the first paragraph, i thank you, pc, for filling in my exact feelings, albeit snarkier than i would have been able to manage: This is me swatting you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. ”No! Bad dog! No associating sex with animals, or peeing, or kids! No!”

      so, basically, when you get down to your awful life, alone, without friends, in the woods, you decide to get “off the grid” – this seems to be a trend among the wreckiest of wrecks.

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    • Jacci says:

      Jami and PC you two cracked me up tonight. I wanted to stop reading but I couldn’t. Oh and btw Jami Randy’s photo happens to be a duplicate of my last manager’s Employee of Month picture. Thanks for that alone.

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    • Giggles says:

      “Combs with a rake” … funniest line on the internet, ever.

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    • naomi rose says:

      you guys, this is honestly the best website on the entire internet.

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    • Big Foot? says:

      Ahhh!!! This guy lives less than a couple hours from me! It’s possible that he is trolling my woods!

      Interestingly enough, we had a recent big foot sighting here in the hinterland… Maybe it was mr. Wolf-Dog himself!?

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    • LadyPac says:

      I wear size 4 1/2 shoes. Is my footprint small enough?

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    • Jordan says:

      If you’re gonna make fun of the guy, at least avoid double negatives and bad grammar on your own part. It’s your responsibilty.

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    • Jordan says:

      What can I say, I’m an idiot. In my defense, it was more than likely a typing error. Sorry Jami!

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    • JayP71 says:

      Holy God! This profile, and the back and forth sniping at it, has been the funniest thing I’ve read here. Thank you, thank you. I needed that the way this week’s been going.

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    • Jane says:

      Two thoughts came to mind as I read this :

      ” Oh thank god thats not my Dad !”

      “Well, he’s weird, but at least he can spell. ”

      I live in fear of seeing my own Dad on here. Knowing it could happen causes more than a momentary twinge of fear everytime I open a link featuring a long hair freaky type in his 50s. Internal workings of my mind : ” Please don’t be my Dad, PLEASE !
      Pshew…”

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