My Heart Swells With Pride
OkStupid — By Jami on December 10, 2009 at 4:19 pm
You know, people sometimes give me a hard time for being nothing but a ball-buster. I’m always poking fun at the socially inept and glaringly inappropriate… It’s in my nature to be critical, so this sort of thing comes really naturally to me…
But what you don’t get to see is that I’m really doing GREAT things in my community. I volunteer at my son’s school… I recycle… Um, hmmm. I almost always throw my cigarette butts out in the garbage. I turn the lights off when I leave my house…
And today… It warms my heart to share this story of lost loves reconnecting through Date Wrecks…
Or… I guess, maybe it’s just more of the same to drive home how much of a Wreck MarkX2 was… You be the judge.
It’s rare when an ACTUAL wreck will spot himself on Date Wrecks, but when it happens, you can be assured for your fair share of name-calling, threatening, and whatever other desperate behavior the wreck in question tosses my way. It’s even more rare when the wreck in question finds his post and celebrates.
Of course, we can all see through this transparent defense mechanism… We all know that Mark really isn’t that thrilled about his behavior being put under the spotlight
But whatever, we’ll play into it. This is our gift to you, Mark.
Mark posted:
Mark says:
Actually, I am 6′2. =)
With a near immediate comment from his (invisible) girlfriend!
AZNbabes_R_hotter says:
I dated Mark for 4 weeks. Is it for 4 weeks? Umm..it was from 10/31/09 thru 11/4/09. I don’t know what happen. I mean I’m like the typical hot asian girl on import night (Don’t forget to check me out on Hot Import Nights). I know for damn sure that I am not a fat cow because I don’t sit there and eat triple cheese whoppers and think of ways to get back at Mark. However, I am just curious: What happen? I mean our times together were always so hot and steamy especially in the Sauna at LA fitness. Remember, that time when we sneaked out to the Marietta baseball field? Wow. I hope you read this, sexy. Please call me. I don’t want to end up looking like those fat cows grazing on Ben & Jerry’s because they can’t get over you. But then again, who can blame them. You are the hottest white guy I have ever dated. XOXO Choi (your bok choy)
Now… We’re not new to the internet here, folks… You guys have proven time and time again that your sleuthing skills are top-notch…
This is what I saw in the admin panel (click it to make it large):
Awww. Lookit. It just makes me want to tousle his hair! Bless your heart, Mark!
Mark followed things up with a comment that said:
Mark says:
I can honestly say that I didn’t put anyone up to that. I showed some girls at work this post and somebody is probably just having fun. =)
Aw… I just want to give you a hug, Mark… And then kick you in the ass. Dude, seriously… You have to WANT to not be a wreck.
And then it came, the fire! The anger! The name calling! Oh, be still my heart!
Mark says:
Why would I lie? I have nothing to hide. The fact is the girl that posted this is a fat ugly bitch who would rather cry online about her “bad date” then put energy into finding someone new. This site is nothing more than a giant crybaby lovefest for girls who want to tell one sided stories to try to make people feel sorry for them.
No, YOU’RE A BIG FAT MEANIE HEAD! *pouts* C’mon all your crybaby girls… Let’s go sadly masturbate ourselves until we’re happy again.
If we’re going to talk about crying about a bad date, let’s discuss Mark’s relationship with MonicaLightYear. Claire tipped me off to this really sick obsession that Mark seems to have with the fair Monica.
Sooooooo there was this girl he dated ONCE and apparently she stalked him after he rejected her. He was obsessed over it. That’s all he would talk about with me. I saw her poking around on my sites so I called her out, believing Mark. We had it out but now we’re friends.
The disturbing part? Mark’s obsession with her. If you look on his Twitter page he talks about her all the time. So much that he’s made his own # section for her.
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
Wah
And again, I say… Bless.His.Heart!
Tweet This
Digg This
Save to delicious
Stumble it
126 Comments
You mean http://www.skifx.com/synth/sounds/wah-wah-wah8.wav ??
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
Aw, bless his heart. That’s Southern for “what an idiot,” right?
It’s so nice when people confirm their own loser/douchness. Sometimes it’s hard to believe they’re as bad as they show up on this site and then they restore our faith. Now I can believe in Santa too!
Super Lurve
7 
0
Yes, Charles… Yes it is.
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
You’ve said that to me so many times! Now, I just feel like, well, MarkX2.
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
Wow. It’s like he has Asperger’s or something.
Or is just, y’know. Terminally stupid.
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
Wow. I love how in his fake girlfriend’s letter, he switches back and forth from supposedly talking to the reader…
“I dated Mark for 4 weeks. Is it for 4 weeks? Umm..it was from 10/31/09 thru 11/4/09. I don’t know what happen. I mean I’m like the typical hot asian girl on import night”
Then starts talking to… um… himself?
“What happen? I mean our times together were always so hot and steamy especially in the Sauna at LA fitness. Remember, that time when we sneaked out to the Marietta baseball field? Wow. I hope you read this, sexy. Please call me.”
How sad is it that he not only had to make up a fake girlfriend, but also fake steamy dates to go with it, and a fake nickname?
“XOXO Choi (your bok choy)”
Hey Mark, two can totally play at that game.
Remember that time when you incessantly twittered about me until it stopped being totally creepy and I fell in love with you? What about that time you called me a fat cow. Wow. I can’t wait to go chow down on Whoppers again sometime. It was sooooooo steamy, and cheeeeesy. I’m getting hot thinking about it right now.
Love 4ever,
Paige (Your love Rampage) OXOXOXOXOX
Super Lurve
28 
0
Ooh! Me, Me!
Hurdy Gurdy Mark,
Member derby do whender webee wenty tobee seebee dee movie gurdy hurdy gurdy?
Lovey,
The Swedish Chef
Super Lurve
35 
0
Bork! Bork! Bork!
Super Lurve
11 
0
Someone just asked my boss if I was “all right” while motioning to their head. Thanks to you, a whole hotel full of people now think I have a rare mental affliction that makes me gag on my own tongue as I rock with laughter, tears streaming down my now red face. Thanks a lot, Jami.
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
Dammit, I just did it AGAIN. I can’t re-read this without losing it.
He Said, She Said, Swedish Chef said, coming soon to DW!
Super Lurve
6 
0
*ahem*
Thanks to the Beatnik Generator:
Pie, Mark, Dear his ears, freon me) My said In pity filamentary have so your nitrogen I wine. fires fear is maggot noisily by turkeys delicately snow the that on over and I started to sneeze The leftovers dripping down through the bars of the fire ants I fled to my own ignorance massaging my left heelcallus life’s modes swing
through my unconsciousness coalescing into an ineffable infinity of serendipity No, Luke, I am your father!
(here is the translation for all you squares)
Dear Mark,
Remember that time you tried to be funny but you weren’t? That was fun. Let’s do it again soon, okay?
Love,
Jami
Super Lurve
6 
0
Some days I’m happy I was born with an average face. At least I had to cultivate a personality and some manners in order to get laid.
Super Lurve
17 
0
Here here!
Love it or hate it?
0 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
3 
65
Bahahahaha. Every time an immature dork whines about commenters, snarky people like me get affirmation. Also, whoppers.
Super Lurve
41 
0
What happens if a guy who’s dated models makes a comment about your excessive douchery and self-pity? Do the sexy librarians get their glasses?
Super Lurve
24 
0
What about the slender, attractive bitches? What happens when they make comments about what a whiny douchebaby you are?
Super Lurve
6 
0
“C’mon all your crybaby girls… Let’s go sadly masturbate ourselves until we’re happy again.”
This conjures a not-unpleasant mental image. Godspeed, ladies.
Super Lurve
6 
0
I dated James for half an hour. Was it half an hour? It was from March 2003 to August 2009. I don’t know what happened. I mean I’m like your typical moderately attractive half-Quebecois, half-Inuit girl (check out my website, moderatelyattractivefictitioushalfquebecoishalfinuitgirlswithlowstandards.com). I know for damn sure I’m not a fat cow because I have only a single stomach and I’m not an ungulate. However, I am just curious: what happened, eh? I mean our times together were always so adequate and dry, especially when the humidity was below 20%. Remember that time we snuck into that polling station so I could vote? Wow. I hope you read this, Tons O’ Fun. Please wave in the general direction of north. I don’t want to end up like those fat cows grazing on conventionally-grown soybeans because they live on farms that don’t practice sustainable agriculture. But then again, who can blame them? No, I mean really: who the fuck blames a cow for anything?
XOXO Poutine
Super Lurve
70 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
54
Survey Says…! No, I’m sorry Mark. You’re wrong. It’s not pathetic. The word It think you’re looking for is HILARIOUS.
What you don’t GET about Date Wrecks is that it is a running commentary on how crazy online dating is AS A WHOLE. It has less to do with individual dates and more to do with the squick-factor that people experience when say, a stranger from a dating site asks you to have sex with them or comments on the size of their breasts.
I’ve said it before, and I’d say it again, if you weren’t in those Date Wrecky Sneakers you’re wearing, you would feel differently about this website.
I am giggling that you’re flabbergasted… Critical and snarky commentary exists in a million forms online… Did you just figure out how to get online recently…? This is not a new concept at all.
In your case, specifically, the commentary wasn’t about what existed on your profile but on how you interacted with other human beings. Guess what? You don’t get a say on how someone comments on your behavior. That’s fucking ridiculous. Actually, no… I take that back. You DO get a say — it’s called a conscience. When you start to think about doing something, maybe you should consider the fact that there’s another human being on the receiving end of your ridiculous behavior. Maybe you should listen to that little voice inside of you that is screaming, “NO!! STOP! YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME!”
I’m embarrassed for you, joker. Seriously. Whew… Not only did you find yourself on Date Wrecks but then you pranced around all day like it was some kind of prized medal around your neck. That either takes balls or lots and lots of stupid. Aaaand, I think you know how everybody around these parts feels about you.
KYITN,
Jami
Super Lurve
46 
0
“you pranced around all day like it was some kind of prized medal around your neck.”
He’s so proud…and outraged…and proud…and flabbergasted….and proud….and indignant…
Poor Mark’s brain, it’s fighting a losing battle that all those who put too much stock in the internet face. I’m proud when I show up in someone’s post…and outraged that they dare call me a twatmonger. Can’t have it both ways, darlin.
Super Lurve
7 
0
Let me get this straight. If I say something bad about somebody without first asking that person for authorization to criticize him or her, I am “extremely cowardly”?
Okay. Mark, is it cool if we talk about what an obvious douchebag you are? I believe it would be a valuable educational experience for the young men in the audience to learn how being obnoxious to one person can quickly domino into widespread contempt. kthnxbye
Super Lurve
27 
0
What’s also HILARIOUS is that this joker who is having such contempt for our commentary here is over their twatting left and right about Monica like it ain’t no thang.
Dude. SAME GOD DAMN THING. Except when I do it, it’s funny. When you do it, it’s obsessive and strange.
Super Lurve
25 
0
Sounds like you’re the one having trouble moving on to the next person, sweetie pie.
And if you look up “pathetic” in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of you talking to yourself, I mean, your hott Asian piece of ass. If you think this site is pathetic, go somewhere else.
Super Lurve
5 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
34
Oh for fuck’s sake! Would you fall in line with the inline commenting for crying out loud.
I bet they were all “harrrrdy harrrr” in front of you because, let’s face it, you kind of give off a weird creepy is-this-guy-going-to-cut-me vibe. But you can bet your balls that when they got home tonight, they either came here to read about it themselves or shared a giant laugh with their loved ones.
It’s not funny, joker… It’s sad.
Super Lurve
16 
0
I doubt you would know the difference between someone laughing with you and someone laughing at you.
I’m laughing AT you.
And no, I’m not the submitter. I have my IMs on OKStupid turned off because of douchebags like you.
My vote goes for ‘Stupid’ I doubt you have much for Jami to kick if she actually wanted to get that close to you to do so.
Super Lurve
10 
0
When did McDonald’s open an “office”?
Super Lurve
16 
0
RAWR!!!!
I am proud to be sharing a slice of cheesecake with that woman tonight. MWA HA HA HA
Super Lurve
8 
0
Bitch! I ain’t sharing a slice with you. I thought I got my own slice.
Super Lurve
9 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
30
I know about my own exchange with you… I think that gives me the right to develop an opinion about you. I also know what you put out there on your twitter and the way you CONTINUE to bed your stupid ass over and beg for it.
Also, lightening doesn’t strike twice… Or four times. I wonder if I did a little digging how many other accounts like this I could find about you. My guess? A gajillionbillionmillionzillion.
And who said I was mature? ROFL… That’s rich. I have never claimed such.
Super Lurve
18 
0
Yeah, because referring to any woman you don’t like as a fat bitch is both cheerful and reasonable …
Super Lurve
10 
0
Um… but calling her a fat cow isn’t ridiculous? You’re a retard.
Super Lurve
7 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
30
But see! It did accomplish something. 1,700 people so far have had a great laugh at this. Did you make 1,700 people laugh today? I bet not.
Super Lurve
27 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
30
Well… now he did, albeit unintentionally.
Jami, does he still not realize that he talked directly to you and not just a friend? Along with social skills it looks like someone needs to cultivate some reading comprehension skills.
Mark, pick some new insults dude! Calling everyone a Fat Cow establishes nothing other than you being uncreative. When it comes to insults have fun with it! Then maybe people would think you were witty and not just an asshole.
Just some friendly advice from a Fat Cow.
Super Lurve
17 
0
Perhaps he only has two categories for people in his life. Some have folks have very simplistic black and white thinking: good or bad, friend or foe. He has “Fat Cow” and “Hot AznBabe.”
Unfortunately, I’m not sure which is the compliment.
Super Lurve
12 
0
Wait, when did any of YOU get rejected? Having read all the exchanges, it appears Mark Darlin was the rejectEE, not the rejectOR.
Super Lurve
6 
0
oh baby, there’s a whole cheesecake we can split..minus a couple of slices from last night hahaha
Um, I’m the Sarah in question in the original thread. I didn’t get rejected. You asked me for secks and I laughed at your ass. Pah-the-tic
Super Lurve
21 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
20
Oh, GOD. Yes, please. I hope your inbox floods with people who CARE. Dude, we’re all having fun making fun of you. What fun would it be to hear your pathetic version of the story?
I’ll tell you — no fun at all.
Super Lurve
12 
0
Jami, let him have a guest column to share his side of things. I’d love to hear it, I need more entertainment, just so long as he doesn’t use the word “kewl.”
Super Lurve
5 
0
AOL email address?
LOL. Figures.
Super Lurve
21 
0
How can there be another side when the entire conversation is laid out in black & white? LULZ
Super Lurve
12 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
4 
18
Jami, let me just say that I love your site. I do. I’m a fairly new reader, having just discovered Datewrecks last week, but I’ve been through a lot of the archives and have had a look of pure what-the-what on my face at all times. It’s great.
It has also made me realize that playing video games and living with my cats is way better than dating.
Not even lying.
Super Lurve
15 
0
Cats and video games, huh?
Well hello, my name is I Like Your New Haircut, and I’m a cancer…
Super Lurve
11 
0
Ooooo his Twitter is HILarious! Oh Jami, how I love this blog!!!
Super Lurve
5 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
27
Seriously man, change the fucking record.
Why not call us shut in cat ladies? Or internet obsessed couch potatoes? Being fat isn’t the only reason to be lonely.
Sometimes people are lonely because of their douchebaggy online dating habits. And as for warding us off, I don’t think you’ll need the necklace… your personality will do the trick.
Super Lurve
24 
0
Oh, Mark, don’t you worry about them. You rock and you know it. They’re just mad they can’t have you. To get them to stop bothering you, what you gotta do is continue to respond to their comments. They’ll eventually get the hint!
But maybe you should change tactics? Maybe they only understand posts written in verse? Try some poetry, dude, and see if that gets through to these girls!
Super Lurve
18 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
22
Of course it could hurt. Those membership chards have sharp, pointy corners. You could get a paper cut. And given how thin-skinned you are, one cut could make you bleed out. I wouldn’t chance it.
Super Lurve
18 
0
Seriously, Mark? My friends, my coworkers, all got a laugh from you calling me “pork chop” You really should go back to elementary school and talk to the 3rd graders and see if they can give you some cool new insults.
You are the reason, that the site datewrecks.com exsists.
Super Lurve
17 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
22
Dude, enough. Just stop.
Part of me wants you, obviously, to keep going. I mean, seriously — you have provided me with so much entertainment this evening that I cannot even begin to think about studying for my finals. Instead, I finished my third pint of Chunky Monkey to commiserate with my fat cow lady friends.
That said, however, I am fairly certain that when you tweezed your eyebrows for your OkC photo, you managed to remove part of your frontal lobe as wel. So allow me to lend you some of mine by saying this — shut the fuck up.
You have been caught and shown to be a complete and utter asshole — only to be made worse by your pathetic need to ‘tell your side of the story.’ Essentially, you have two choices:
1) Give up, accept the fact that you made a few thousand people laugh and hate you and work on becoming a better member of the human race. I’m sure that your job provides health insurance, and often you can find a decent clinical social worker on those plans. Or…
2) Reinforce what people think of you by replying to this comment. You will probably say that this doesn’t effect you, or I’m the one who needs help, or perhaps you will go full internet troll and call me a *gasp* ‘fag.’
Something tells me that you will probably go with the second option. Deep down, however, I am hoping that you will show the DW community and I that you still have a little brain power left.
Best of luck to ya, kiddo.
Super Lurve
34 
0
Two words Mark-”anger management”. You’ll thank me later, right now I’m off in search of a Whopper and AA batteries.
Super Lurve
17 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
22
My good sir Mark,
While normally such barbed attacks would have me pleading for you to stay your tongue, I will continue to fence with you in the interest of open dialog.
I am left to assume that in calling me a ‘bitch,’ you were attempting to emasculate me. Perhaps you are right, Mark! I will admit to you that I have yet to receive an invitation to join the Hell’s Angels (between you and me, Mark, I doubt I ever will).
So, what is a short, slightly effeminate Heeb like me supposed to do? I’m certainly not going to score me some sweet biker babe wearing even sweeter leather in her double-wide. As such, I learned a few things about women, treated them with respect, and made them laugh a little here and there. I even learned that *gasp* accompanying them shopping every now and again will earn you a few points.
I guess, what I’m trying to say here, Mark, is that you’re right. I guess I am a bitch every now and again. That said, however, I have managed to keep my penis consistently wet without the aid of 3rd grade leprechaun drawings or insulting women on twitter.
Your move, my fair opponent.
Super Lurve
50 
2
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
23
Dude, are seriously attacking Andrew’s masculinity for occasionally shopping with a woman when you clearly spend an insane amount of time manscaping your eyebrows. Pot meet kettle.
Super Lurve
21 
0
SNORT. Manscaping. Wheeeee.
Super Lurve
8 
0
Guy Code, huh? Gotta say, as a fellow guy, I was not aware that our code strictly prohibited treating women as fully thinking and functioning members of the human species. Perhaps the douchecanoe contingent of our gender is operating under a different code than the one I am familiar with, but I’ve always found that acting with a bit of dignity, respectfulness and consideration has worked quite well to keep me in the good graces of the fairer sex. The methods you are demonstrating seem more likely to find you spending one lonely night after another at home with a microwaved cantaloupe. Cheers.
Super Lurve
26 
0
Sorry, long time reader, first time responder.
But I had to, Mark just made me choke on my nyquil. BREACH OF GUY CODE?
I’m sorry to inform you dearest Mark, that any and all rights that ever allowed you to own a penis are now revoked. Please leave the sad little thing at the door on your way out, the box marked “rejected” will do fine. Or the floor, we don’t give a fuck.
Super Lurve
29 
0
“Guy Code” really did it for me, too. Yes, Mark, doing something that actually works, and getting repaid in sweet sweet loving from a real live lady is surely not worth breaching the “Guy Code”.
Super Lurve
8 
0
I think the theme song for this post/guy should be “Losers” by The Cardigans.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhynCx9lUCE
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
14
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRzMtlZjXpU
Love it or hate it?
4 
1
Mark,
Let’s call a spade a spade. I was trying to offend you. However, not in this manner. I was actually hoping for a good sparring partner.
That said, you have a side to this story that I haven’t heard. You were willing to tell it before, and I would very much like to hear it. However, we’ll take it off the site. Shall I give you an email address to send it to?
Super Lurve
8 
0
No! Don’t take it off site. Think of the rest of us! Where would the entertainment for the rest of us be?
Super Lurve
14 
0
Omg. Stumbling upon this thread is like early Christmas. Thank you, Mark, from the bottom of my heart – it’s been years since douchebaggery of your magnitude made me laugh so hard. (Ah, those sweet college years!)
Do your friend Andrew a favor: continue, with all your might, to be a douchebag. Simply comparing the two of you will send the ladies his way. And, from what I’ve gathered so far, he deserves it. He sounds swell!
Super Lurve
13 
0
I’m with you,sugar…this is completely priceless. I laughed myself to tears. I’ve still got some serious giggles here.
Mark and Andrew’s sparring reminds me of the fairy tale where one sister had gemstones and pearls dropping from her mouth with every word she spoke, and the other had frogs and snakes. One guess as to which is which here…
Super Lurve
10 
0
Oh Andrew? Just wanted to say you can drop by my doublewide anytime. Bring Whoppers and some candles since I got my nails done and my leather chaps cleaned instead of paying the electric bill.
Hugs n Kisses,
Annie
Super Lurve
17 
0
Mmm hmm…girl. I got you some triple whoppers. You know I treat you right.
Super Lurve
13 
0
(swoons) you sweet talker!
Super Lurve
6 
0
I can just say I’m jealous. Andrew, if it doesn’t work out with Annie, give me a ring!
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
Hmmmm. I’d rather be fat than chronically unfunny. Good thing I’m neither. I mean, what? Is “fat” supposed to be an insult? That’s like saying… GOD, all you TALL girls are just so effing JEALOUS because you can’t get any DATES because you can’t fit under the DOOR because of how TALL you are. You TALL COWS, YOU. It is… a physical description. You brunette! You upright-walking hominid! Am I making any sense here?
Super Lurve
38 
0
Very much so! <3
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
I think TALL COWS prefer the term “giraffes”
Super Lurve
26 
0
Congratulations, I just gave my laptop a nasal Diet Coke shower. I will never look at Giraffes the same way again.
Super Lurve
7 
0
Before even reading Paige’s comment, I must be thankful for putting my drink down before scrolling the page any farther.
That is the best snappy comeback I’ve read in ages!
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
“Am I making any sense here?”
Yes, but Mark missed it because he was too busy snickering over “hominid”.
Love it or hate it?
3 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
26
You, my friend, are a dipshit. You post a comment at 10pm and because you don’t see it within TWELVE HOURS, you start being a whiny bitch? COOOL. I can see clearly now.
Lemme ‘splain to you how comment moderation on a WordPress blog works, mmkay?
First, someone posts a comment. If it is their FIRST comment, it goes into the moderation queue. When I have free time – because you see, I’m a one-moderator shop here and I don’t get paid to tend to this blog – I will come into the dashboard and approve comments. Now, once I approve your comment, you can post to your little heart’s content! Much like your doucheloser friend Mark has done.
I regret to inform you though, that I don’t have any solutions for you regarding that giant stick that you’ve got lodged up your ass. Sorry, girl. I’m not a miracle worker.
Super Lurve
31 
1
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
17
what? didn’t mark tell you i was a bitch?
you should know, i am a self-described cuntankerous asshole. (and no, that’s not a typo).
Super Lurve
19 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
19
wait just a second! what… what are you doing back here, mark?
*pfft* young people today have no integrity. can’t honor their words!
Super Lurve
14 
1
Wait? He’s been back?
Scary.
Love it or hate it?
3 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
1 
28
Altering posts? Fuck that noise. No I’m not.
And your douche bag friends who have commented haven’t been moderated yet because AT NIGHT, I SLEEP. [saluting you] I’m'a get right on that fuh ya sir. Right away.
Super Lurve
14 
0
Sorry, Jami, but don’t you know that sleeping, especially at night, is for fat cow’s who aren’t interested in fair and balanced reporting? Oh, wait, what’s that you say? This isn’t a major news network, and you aren’t being paid to stay up all night in case someone in a different time zone, or who doesn’t have someone to share a loverly bed with, wants to stay up and post comments on your blog? AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A JOURNALIST!!!
Oh, you don’t? Nevermind, carry on then.
Super Lurve
12 
0
Oh please! Jami doesn’t alter comments.
If she did she could correct my spelling… curb my ellipse abuse… and form more coherent sentences out of the thought fragments I post.
Your douchiness is of your own doing, not hers. So go ahead and threaten to take your toys and go home because we’re big fat meanie cows.
Your ‘wit’ won’t be missed.
Super Lurve
12 
0
It’s super funny though… I will admit to altering one comment. There was this joker that was working for The Casual Encounters Blog, Alex. His job was basically to go around to various blogs and comment with a link back to their blog via his name. It wasn’t a big deal at first – in fact, I love it when readers link me to their blogs because I’m nosy and love to read – however, this joker would make absolutely no sense.
IE: I remember one time where it was just some random wrecky dude and this guy Alex commented “He will go far! Success is just within his grasp!” And I was like, “WTF joker?” I emailed the owner of The Casual Encounters Blog and said, “Dude, what the fuck?” And he slapped Alex on the wrists.
After that, I marked Alex’s IP address as spam and went back and deleted the comments he had posted previously that were so clearly spam-y in nature.
So yea, I confess. I did it!
I also kicked this joker Boy Wonder in the nuts for being a dickface to people on the Sunday Showcase.
Super Lurve
8 
0
I’ve got a couple comments where my keyboard didn’t keep up with my thoughts and I hit enter too soon. Can you fix those pretty please with a Whopper on top?
Deleting spam is not the same and is perfectly acceptable.
Super Lurve
6 
0
Oh Mark, some people are bright enough to change. You’re going to end up sad and alone with your doucheyness. Unless you’re lucky enough to find a girl who’s as much of a hot loser as you are and the two of you can build a loser house & raise loser kids & be very dumb and very happy together. I wish that for you, my friend. May you find a tremendously hot and stupendously dumb woman (check out this site, you’ll find some!).
And after reading all your comments this morning, I have to add “bless your heart.”
Or you could get a clue, but that would be work and would require your admitting that a number of women consider you a pathetic loser. Which hurts.
Super Lurve
9 
0
*Rises hand*
I vote for Mark and his future Mrs. NOT to have kids.
That kind of “stupendously dumb” douchecannon-ness does not need to have offspring.
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
He sent “friends” to his defense? On the internet?
Wowie
Super Lurve
10 
0
It’s like… EVERYTHING he is doing just reaffirms that he’s a great big giant DATE WRECK.
Whaddya know!?
Super Lurve
13 
0
I’m at work right now, and I just answered the phone: “DateWrecks guest services, how may I hate you?”. No joke. Not kidding at all.
I just hung up, and when they called back they assumed it had been a wrong number.
See how much I love you and DW, Jami?
Super Lurve
32 
0
Oh god, how awesome is THAT? I wish I could click Love at least a dozen times more to show how much I loved that!
Five bucks says I blurt that out myself next time I answer a phone at work. It’s just that good…
Super Lurve
6 
0
Still don’t know how that particular word stew came out unplanned.
Super Lurve
6 
0
My god! So you CAN be critical without the words “fat” “ugly” or “bitch”. What a shame that we finally have you trained and now you leave us.
Super Lurve
7 
1
This just in!
Mark has beat out Pinky McSphincter for the most comments on a post in Date Wrecks history!
My lands, if THAT isn’t telling, I’m not sure what else we could do to help him.
Super Lurve
13 
0
. WELL kids. I can see a lot of work is getting accomplished at work today. And yesterday.
We\\\\\\\'re on the fence. And it hurts our no-no zone.
5 
5
Mark, Mark, Mark.
Actually, I hate that name for you. It reminds me of Empire Records. I know that Ethan Embry really hasn’t done anything of note since “Can’t Hardly Wait” (and that is hardly something ‘of note’), but you still do not qualify to be associated with one of my favorite movies.
So, I think I’m going to call you Rooney. Yes, I quite like that. It has a nice ring to it.
Ok, Rooney, let’s have a chat.
Rooney, I may suggest that you take a class in forensics. This is not to say that you are serial killer and need to learn how to get away with your crimes — quite the opposite, really. On average, serial killers are rather charismatic. No, Rooney, I want you to take this class because you could use a few pointers in your internet life.
When you have someone post upon your behalf and have them, I don’t know, wish everyone a pleasant holiday season — it looks really bad when you post and do the same (in a similar manner, no less). People pick up on these contextual clues. The miserable spacing, the ellipsis abuse, the inability to write more than a few fragmented sentences.
Don’t get me wrong, good Sir Rooney. I understand that intertube is a festering hellhole of miscreants and ne’r-do-wells(-in-school). That said, you really ought to work on developing your alter-egos. Perhaps one of your “AZN Babes” could be Harvard-educated whilst another one of your lovers is Maury-Povich-Worthy — with Rooney falling somewhere in the middle. It would give us, the hungry public yearning for drama, a moment of suspense before we figured it out.
I wish you would have given me a sign to give you my email address. I would have so enjoyed hearing your story, so we could be on equal ground. Better luck next time, Rooney. I say this because DW is not the only website that tracks people who do stupid things. I fear that you may end up on another one. Or all of them.
Super Lurve
21 
0
Dearest Andrew,
I too love Empire Records. And having said that, I am now totally in love with you and will print your words to masturbate to nightly.
Love it or hate it?
1 
0
Thank you for making my day again!!!
Oooh wrecky wreck Mark, how I hope
no poor woman gets stuck with you. Ugh
what a horrible thing to imagine…
Jami- Thank you for this blog!!!!
Super Lurve
5 
0
I feel bad for him. I mean, he’s just a complete idiot who happens to also be a loser who feels like he needs to make a fake girlfriend.
Oh wait, I don’t feel bad for him anymore.
Super Lurve
7 
0
I know Mark isn’t gay or anything, but if he were I’d totally let him blow me.
Hey Mark, remember that time in the sauna at LA Fitness? We had so much fun. What happen?
Super Lurve
8 
0
Oh, you KNOW he’s reading all this. Even if he’s not calling everyone fat cows in comment form doesn’t mean he’s not telling his girlfriend (http://www.realdoll.com/) that we’re fat cows. And that she’s not. Since he clicked the “non fat-cow” model.
Super Lurve
8 
0
OH. Dear. Goddesses. Ya’ll made me pee my pants and you know what? I’m okay with that. /continuegigglesintotheafternoon
Love it or hate it?
2 
0
The funniest date wrecks are the ones that react badly to being a date wreck. XD
Super Lurve
5 
0
You are all made of WIN. Except Mark. We is made of a ginormous hot load of FAIL. And Bonnie. Poor, poor Bonnie. Stickin’ up for a little man with a big ego and mush for brains. Or are you just, like, his mom? After reading his IM, how is that behaviour OK with you? Or do you just have low standards?
DW was made for guys like you. Ever wonder why you’re being mocked? Now you know, honey. Please, keep your douchometer turned to high. It helps us to avoid you.
Funniest shit I read all week, Jami.
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
Ugh. Laughing so much made me write typos.
Love it or hate it?
3 
0
I’ve been a reader for a while, but I haven’t commented. Sadly it seems I’m a little late to the party. But I have this theory I’ve been working on and I thought I’d share.
Keep in mind I’m just working off what I read on this and the original MarkX2 post so I don’t a have a ton of evidence (oh who am I even kidding?)…
So when I read the original post I just kept thinking ‘Why did Jamie describe him as cute (aside from his social skills) again?’ B/c although I realize I like a little less scrawny-ness/manscaping on my men I can usually appreciate an attractive guy even if he isn’t my type.
But I’m reading it and I just keep thinking this douchecanoe looks like he’s in high school and practicing his bad boy/pensive stare in the mirror.
And really, if it talks like a 16 year old [asshat, who tried to find some hot older ladies to (cyber) bang and then brag to his asshat friends about, but then got called on his doucheyness instead and can't stop bitching] and walks like a…well you get the idea.
So my theory, friends, is we have a pissed off 16 year old who can’t take being called out on his completely douchey ways. Seriously, it fits, and completely explains why the only insult he can think of is to call people fat cows. Public schools just aren’t what they’re cut out to be.
But like I said, it’s only a theory.
Love it or hate it?
4 
0
Based on the picture alone I assumed he was in high school. Plus any 31 year old who talks like he does has some serious issues. So I *hope* he’s still a kid. Scared Straight might still take him in.
Love it or hate it?
3 
0
First of all, y’all can all go fuck yourselves and leave my name out of this joke blog. K? Thanks. bye. ~Monica
We\\\\\\\'re on the fence. And it hurts our no-no zone.
2 
6
Dude. Did that just happen? I think I actually just heard an internet hairtoss.
Super Lurve
10 
0
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
We hate you
0 
8
it’s like a crashing airplane… that never seems to hit the ground.
just peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew for ages and ages and ages.
mark, honey… we all think you’re a dipshit. we could be fat or skinny or striped or fucking amphibians. it doesn’t change the fact that you’re a dickface who probably spends too much time on the internet.
now can we move on to something different? or are you so absolutely insistent on dragging this out further?
Super Lurve
6 
0
Just a quick note – this guy spreads HPV. Like, seriously. Not joking. He’s given it to more than one girl.
Love it or hate it?
4 
1
Mark, I think it’s time you fully stepped out of you closet. We understand. A bible belt childhood, narrow-minded & strict parents. Don’t take your frustration out on women everywhere. Once you embrace who you really are, you won’t be so uptight.
Or.. you’re just an immature douche that the even the entire JS cast would beat the shit out of.
Love it or hate it?
1 
0