There isn’t anything that pleases me any more than someone with a Craigslist posting and a picture from Plenty of Fish. It’s like, you know they probably started out on eHarmony but got discouraged by the questionnaire. Then they moved over to Match.com and actually paid for a dating site only to realize that they weren’t having luck there. So, it’s off to OkCupid next, where, I mean, it’s free! But he ran into some problems over there as well, so he resigned himself to settling for Plenty of Fish.
Then, and only then — after such a dubious online dater has exhausted all other possible options — does he resort to posting on Craigslist, lookin’ fer lurve.
Heaven forbid someone actually like, attempt to meet someone in a normal public setting! Online dating isn’t for everyone — and when I say this, I’m not only saying that to the people who aren’t comfortable with online dating, but I’m mostly saying that to the people who are terribly unsuccessful at it. Something about YOU prevents people from emailing you and prevents them from asking you out and is categorically cock blocking all your efforts. If you are emailing people online and you haven’t had a date and you’ve been at it for six months, it’s time to just g’head and try something different. PLEASE! I implore you — don’t let yourself fall victim to this food-chain tragedy. If you find yourself hopelessly posting for love on Craigslist, find a friend or a family member to talk to… You don’t have to go through this alone.
Aaaaaaanyway, back to the wreck at hand. Here’s anuthur poor spellur but he makes me seem like a fucking rocket surgeon. I think there might be another Date Wrecks shirt design in here somewhere.
WIFE WANTED – 45 (HAVERHILL)
THATS RIGHT WIFE WANTED YOU SEE LIFE IS WAY TO SHORT I’M 45 MY LIFE IS HALF OVER
SO I’M MARRIAGE MINDED BUT SHE MUST HAVE FAITH IN GOD IT’S A MUST
I’M 5’6 250 LONG SOFT BROWN HAIR IN THE WINTERS I TEND TO GROW A BEARD
I’M SELF EMPLOYED MOST OF MY LIFE I WORKED FOR SOME BODY AND SEEMED TO GET NO WHERE
ME AND MATH DO DANCE WELL TOGETHER YOU COULD SAY IM BOOK STUPID BUT COMMEN SENSE WATCH OUT!!!
MY INTEREST’S INCLUDE MUSIC IV BEN PLAYING GUITAR FOR 28 YEARS NEVER LEARNED TO READ MUSIC
IT WAS A GIFT FROM GOD THAT I WAS ABLE TO PICK IT RIGHT UP BY ERE AND I HAVE THOUGHT PEOPLE TO PLAY ALSO
AND MOTORCYCLES ARE A LOVE OF MINE IV BEN RIDING SINCE I WAS 8 JUST ABOUGHT EVERY THING I KNOW WAS SELF THOUGHT
I’M SOBER DRUG FREE HAPPY LAID BACK I’M A THINKER EVER SINCE I WAS A KID I THOUGHT OF HOW TO MAKE MONEY
INSTEAD OF FOOLISHLY BLOWING IT AND WRITING ABILITY’S ARE POOR SO WHAT IM LOOKING FOR IS A CHRISTIAN WOMAN
TO JOIN ME IN LIFE’S JOURNEY SOME ONE TO HELP ME WITH BOOK WORK MUSIC AND RIDING MOTORCYCLES
SO IF YOUR A GOOD HEARTED CHRISTIAN WOMAN WHERE YOU BEN ALL MY LIFE MY NAME IS BILL
*gulp*
My favorite Bill The Idiut outtakes:
“I’M SELF EMPLOYED MOST OF MY LIFE I WORKED FOR SOME BODY AND SEEMED TO GET NO WHERE”
Submitted for your approval, Bill, I think it’s sentences like this that have kept you from a successful career.
“YOU COULD SAY IM BOOK STUPID BUT COMMEN SENSE WATCH OUT!!!”
Yes… Commen sense is literally like a god damn curve ball coming at you, man. I get it. Totes. And, also, yes… I’m on board with calling you ‘book stupid’ as well.
“JUST ABOUGHT EVERY THING I KNOW WAS SELF THOUGHT”
This is the one that I think should be up for voting on the next batch of shirts — by the way, did you buy a shirt yet? You should.
“I’M A THINKER”
[insert guffaw]
Also, it should be mentioned that the only punctuation used in Bill’s ad are a couple of apostrophes, mostly used incorrectly, and a little cluster of exclamation points, midway. Bless his heart. I mean, BLESS HI’S HART!!!!
