Profiling: Markx2
OkStupid, Worst Wrecks — By Jami on December 1, 2009 at 1:18 am
So, I’m sure at some point, you’ve read through something here and been like, “Wait… I’ve done that. Oh shit. Am I a Date Wreck?” It’s okay. Don’t panic!
Here’s the tell-tale way you can tell that you’re a motherfucking Date Wreck — two different people submit your profile to me with equally disturbing stories… AND… I’ve got my own personal encounter with this jackass… AND one of my friends also had a run-in.
Markx2, you my friend, are a hopeless Date Wreck. Mark is a cute guy, there’s nothing really immediately disarming about his profile… But his social skills are…
Well… It’s guys like this that cause girls to turn off their IM applications when they’re logged into their dating site.
The story goes like this:
markx2:you’re kewt
Me:kewt?
markx2:cute.
Me:you’re 31
Me:don’t talk like that, man.
markx2:i’ll talk however i want.
Me:maybe you’re seeing a younger demographic?
Me:say… 12 year olds?
markx2:maybe you’re being a rude bitch.
markx2:i’m just trying to say hi.
Me:yea, i am kind of a bitch.
markx2:fuck it. pointless. sorry to bother you.
Me:bye
markx2:nice
markx2:great attitude.
Me:i never said i had one.
[insert five minute time lapse]
markx2:hey.
markx2:come on.
markx2:ok…
markx2:i’m sorry.
markx2:bye.
[five minutes turns into ten minutes]
markx2:whats wrong with you?
markx2:i mean… so mean? why?
Me:i don’t think you guys understand the barrage of really stupid messages girls receive.
markx2:enlighten me.
Me:i’ve got a 19 year old dude, emailing me in text speak, talking about the various ways he wants to fuck me.
markx2:nice.
markx2:good times.
Me:earlier, a man addressed me as “ms pretty eyes” eight times in his opening email.
Me:and if you recall
markx2:lol
Me:you emailed me
Me:“oh hai”
Me:and i didn’t answer
Me:because what the heck do you SAY to that?
markx2:so?
markx2:that’s a good opener.
Me:did it work?
markx2:obviously.
Me:whatever dude.
Me:it didn’t.
Me:it really didn’t
markx2:guess what?
markx2:i don’t care.
Me:right
Dude peeped my profile a few more times but nothing new cropped up there. I was exponentially annoyed that he used the word “kewt” — I rank that up there with “cool beans” AKA “things my mom says.”
But I dismissed it from my memory and went on with my regularly scheduled life program.
Until… Two or three weeks later, I was talking with my friend Doug (who I met on OkStupid and who is an amazing person and has become a fast friend) and he was telling me that one of his friends had a Date Wreck for me. I giggled with anticipation and waited to see what I’d get in my inbox.
So I get this email from Claire –
OMG!!!!!!!!! KILL STABBITY STAB.
Mark – ok here’s what happened;
We started with the IM’s and all that. Whatever. I just got out of a relationship so … you know how it is. On the phone he would say “I really like you, Clarie. Claire? Clairey-bird? Would you be my girlfriend? I’d be really good to you” – uh ok.
So we meet. He’s NOT 6’2″. Says I look good but he’s usually into thinner girls (gee thanks, fuckwad). We get trashed at this bar in town. When the check rolls around he doesn’t have enough money to pay for the bill so… there I go again.
He’s far too drunk to drive so I let him crash. I wake him up and he starts begging me to be his girlfriend. “PLEASE Claire PLEASE give me a chance” – uh ok drunkie.
And no, I would not let him poke me.
So after he leaves he’s all up on the IM. He’ll show me a picture of a girl, ask me my opinion of her then say “I fucked her”. I’m not sure if he said you were someone he fucked though, so don’t quote me. I DO remember seeing your face. You could’ve been the one he just wanted my opinion on.
He just got to be too mean. He’d say some really nasty things to me and I just had it, so I blocked him. The boy has some serious issues for sure.
And he was SUCH a dick to you on IM! I’m sure all the girls he said he slept with never met him at all.
pathetic!
Did you catch that? Claire RECOGNIZED ME, likely because either a) I’m famous (lulz) or b) Mark tossed up my picture among several pictures of women that he claimed to have conquered. HI-larious. I have had sex with some dudes that, in hindsight, I really should have thought better of… But I can say with unrelenting integrity, guys… I didn’t fuck Markx2. And, frankly, I’m a bit irritated that he’s slandering my GOOD WHOLESOME FUCKING NAME. *ahem* Heh.
So, I’ve been meaning to write this post up for a while but it’s like… Whatever I’ve been busy or something. I mean, Atlanta is probably one of the most incestuous big cities you’ll ever live in. People know people everywhere. But then…
GET THIS.
Oh you thought I was finished, but I’m not.
I get an email from Stephanie with an entire write up about, guess who? Markx2. And yup, he’s being a jackass again. Brilliant.
I just has a wonderful conversation with a gentlemen on okcupid. He thinks he is a very funny guy, not so much. Here is the instant messenger conversation I had with him.
markx2:that’s what she said.
markx2:you have large breasts.
stephanie:wow, what a great line
stephanie:How far do you get with that
markx2:lol
markx2:not very far.
stephanie:that’s hilarious
markx2:thanks.
stephanie:I’m sure you’ll impress a lot of chicks with that
markx2:i thought i’d take a shot in the dark. =P
markx2:hahahaha
stephanie:Yeah
stephanie:You are made of so much awesome sauce
stephanie:not
markx2:hahahahaha
markx2:it was a joke calm down take a midol.
stephanie:Seriously?
markx2:SRSLY.
markx2:SHOT THRU THE HEART AND YOU’RE TO BLAME, YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!
stephanie:Its been so great talking to you, umm yeah so before I go, I recommend you check out datewrecks.com
markx2:*guitar riff*
stephanie:Because you never know, you might end up on there, tootles
markx2:whatever bitch. learn to laugh.
markx2:like i would waste my time on a fatass like you.
stephanie:Wow, please give me more
stephanie:this is great
stephanie:I’m a fat bitch now
stephanie:awesome
stephanie:that makes my day
markx2:not now. probably always.
markx2:=D
stephanie:Yeah, sure, okay
stephanie:A girl isn’t interested, so you get all whiny
stephanie:whatever
markx2:oh please.
markx2:if i was interested would i have approached you like that?
markx2:think about it.
stephanie:So, let me get this right, you’re interested in me, so you IM me with a large breasts message
markx2:look, drop it.
markx2:it was a joke i was trying to make you laugh.
markx2:you don’t have a sense of humor.
markx2:lets drop it.
stephanie:Well, you kinda of went about the wrong way
markx2:goodbye.
stephanie:tootles
markx2:later porkchop.
Wow… He’s a charmer, isn’t he?? Porkchop?
So I’m talking to my friend Sarah tonight and she’s on OkStupid, too… So, just on a whim, while I was writing up this post, I asked her if she had any exchanges with this character…
He gets around, for sure. Their initial conversation was kind of okay — a playful exchange. But then… Things went downhill:
Sarah:hey there
markx2:hai
Sarah:o hai!
markx2:OH HAI DER
Sarah:mwrawr
Sarah:what’s shakin?
markx2:nuffin
markx2:i’m loneeesommmeee!
Sarah:awwws
Sarah:poor okcupid boy
markx2:yeah i know.
markx2:poor me.
Sarah:maybe obvious but um why are you so lonesome?
markx2:cause i got no girlfriend stupid.
Sarah:well you seem cute enough..you shouldn’t have a problem finding one lol
markx2:its harder than all that.
Sarah:are you secretly a douchebag inside a cute boy’s body or somefin?
markx2:no, but that has nothing to do with it.
Sarah:ah
Sarah:then how is it harder?
Sarah:(that’s what SHE said)
markx2:heh
markx2:nice
Sarah:i try heh
markx2:lets have secks
markx2:=O
Sarah:heh
Sarah:somebody didn’t read my proooooofile
markx2:why?
Sarah:i’m not that kind of okcupid grrl 
Oh, Mark… Marky Marky Mark.
This is super bad, friend. You really need to stop. Really.
Truly.
—————————————————————————
Update:
So when I was writing the post last night, I missed an IM from Senor Cranky Pants.
I am rolling on the floor, guys. Seriously. It was like… the end of October when this joker and I spoke — not that long ago!
I think I am really really sad about the fact that he and I are a 78% match. What does that say about ME?
I’ll tell you what it says — I am Jami, purveyor of the Freak Bacon. Bring me your crazies. Lay them at my feet and I will put my head in my hands and cry, cry, cry.
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62 Comments
HAHAHAHAHA!! Stephanie emailed me with that banter, but I didn’t realize that the douche got around THAT much! Nice… I wonder how he makes it through the work day? Does he email his boss with that sort of ‘text speak’?
Thanks for the great laugh. Hope this guy keeps it coming!
Love it or hate it?
3 
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I didn’t have an exchange with this particular douchebag, but I did have one similar with a guy who could have been his cousin or brother or something. He sent me a message, I told him he was too young for me (11 years younger is a bit of generation gap, no?) and he IM’d me to badger me into meeting him. I was nice about it, but told him I wasn’t interested, and suddenly I was a fat bitch. I had to actually block him on OkStupid so he’d leave me alone. Like, if I’m a fat bitch, why is he trying so hard to keep talking to me? Leave it alone, douche.
Super Lurve
9 
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imho, that kind of men call women who refuse to have anything to do with them -well, all women- ‘fat bitch’ because it thus means to them that THEY ARE the ones refusing the relation, not the women. Better for their egos.
Of course, it also means they will never have a girlfriend, but seriously, who wants them to reproduce?
Super Lurve
18 
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I totally would’ve read all this, but I was too absorbed in his eyebrows. Fuckin’ straight boys, you’re not supposed to pluck that fucking much.
Super Lurve
16 
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I would totally become a guy just to marry you. AWESOME!
Super Lurve
5 
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I’m going to take nicely trimmed eyebrows over ridiculously hairy verging-on-uni-brow any day. I don’t really believe in not taking good care of yourself or your appearance to prove your masculinity.
Super Lurve
9 
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I too had trouble getting past the eyebrows. It’s one thing to have neatly-trimmed (read: separate) eyebrows. It’s completely different to have those overly-shaped eyebrows that look cartoon-like and give the impression of perpetual surprise.
Super Lurve
5 
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Such a shame. Despite the fact he’s bat-shit crazy the boy is pretty cute. Maybe one day when he finally moves out of his parent’s house he can get some decent therapy and grow up.
Super Lurve
5 
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He IS cute.
And I just realized he and I are a 78% match. LAWD.
I mean, I know it’s not a REAL science, but shit… That’s a pretty high match rate.
Love it or hate it?
3 
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Perhaps next time he IM’s you, and he will, you should offer to help him move out of his parents house, set him up in a nice little apartment somewhere, he could be your kept man (or boy).
Super Lurve
5 
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He’s cute, but this has to be a before picture. He can’t really be THAT insulting to that many women, and still have an intact nose. I want to see the after. And if there’s not an after, I’ll make one.
Super Lurve
23 
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Sarah pretty nailed it: “secretly a douchebag inside a cute boy’s body “
Super Lurve
7 
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i am jami, purveyor of freak bacon.
give me your perverted, your clueless, your male genitalia yearning to breathe free,
the wretched refuse of internet romance,
send these, the crazy, those impaired of the written english language,
and through snark and a highly trafficked website set you free.
Super Lurve
22 
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I feel like when guys are really cute, and they’re single and hitting up on lots of women wanting a girlfriend, it means there’s got to be something wrong. I mean, come on! This guy, who’s supposedly in his 30s, acts like he’s about 16. What is that? Being a whiny little bitch isn’t attractive to anyone.
And I’ve been a fat bitch in my life, and honestly, I’m only bitchy when you’re a stupid douchebag. And I might be fat, but you’re an idiot, and I can lose weight (which I did – so does that make me a skinny bitch now?)…
Super Lurve
14 
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I’m 5’2 and barely 100 lbs. One sore loser online – to whom I wasn’t even mean, just told him I wasn’t interested – once told me, “You’re fat and ugly anyway.”
You can be anorexic and they will call you fat just because they do it automatically, it doesn’t even have anything to do with your weight.
The world is full of very, very angry little boys with deeply bruised little egos.
Super Lurve
13 
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rofl, this guy’s popped up as a potential “match” for me before. *Glad* I didn’t take the freak bacon bait.
Super Lurve
6 
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What an idiot, thoughtless, and annoying douche
And he’s been claiming he had some secks with you? I’d confront that fucker, the sooner, the better.
Especially since he seems to be messing with your friends
Claiming you had sex with people that you haven’t is really quite a wrecky thing to do.
Super Lurve
5 
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Ooh, how about a lawsuit? For defamation of character? If you won, that would be SO hot!
Question is: how hard is it to prove that you have not had sex with someone?
Super Lurve
7 
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I suppose the fact that you have not slit your throat is evidence enough that you’ve not had sex with this guy.
Super Lurve
5 
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Now where have I seen him before? Oh yeah, the last time I was RickRolled!
Super Lurve
5 
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Never gonna give you up…..
Super Lurve
5 
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I can’t imagine why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Women love it when you call them stupid.
Super Lurve
10 
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I like how when prompted why he’s lonely he writes “Because I don’t have a girlfriend stupid”, and the girl doesn’t get out of there right away.
Super Lurve
8 
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We hate you
2 
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“i’m glad to see i’m a topic of discussion for fat ugly women everywhere.” [lulz] You mean your wittle feewings are hurt over the DOZENS of women who wouldn’t sleep with you and/or put up with your insane bullshit?
Cry me a river, psycho.
Rejection is a bitch isn’t it?
Super Lurve
13 
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[fake gaping jaw]
Super Lurve
6 
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My friend who dated you is like 5’3, and she came up past your shoulder.
You’re not 6’2.
Love it or hate it?
4 
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We hate you
0 
17
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We hate you
1 
22
Ahh, look! Date Wrecks: Uniting the hearts of weirdos and (imaginary) girlfriends! What a coincidence that the SAME DAY that Mark discovers his write-up that his (imaginary) GIRLFRIEND FINALLY FINDS HIM, TOO!
There is so much love around me right now. I am beside myself. My heart is so full.
Super Lurve
21 
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You suck. Your fake girlfriend sucks. And your math sucks.
You would do just fine on the moon. No need for gravity since you suck so hard.
BTW… as a life long Doors fan … I’m asking you remove them from your profile as an interest. You are far too douchey to be a real Doors fan anyway.
Super Lurve
6 
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Hi, Mark!
Love it or hate it?
1 
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Wow, Mark. Not only are you a douchebag, but you’re a racist too. Nice going, jackass.
Have you ever even met a real woman? Who the fuck would refer to themselves as “the typical hot Asian girl”?
Turn off the porn and go back to high school.
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4 
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We hate you
0 
19
I seriously doubt it.
Super Lurve
6 
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Yes… This can’t be true…
Super Lurve
6 
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20
“the girl that posted this” WHICH ONE, MORON? Several girls posted about your lameness.
Super Lurve
9 
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Dear Mark,
Remember when you sucked me off in the bathroom over at Latitudes (on West Broad Street)? It really surprised me when all of this happened because it seemed to me as if you were on a date at the time.
Even though you claimed to be straight several times throughout the encounter, your warm mouth and curious tongue explored every inch of my manhood until I blew a huge, sticky load down your throat.
Thanks again Mark. Let’s do it again sometime.
Love,
Mike
(The one with the penis that was in your mouth)
Super Lurve
28 
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You forgot to make up a stupid nickname. May I suggest something lame. Like, “The Lati-Dude”.
Other than that… full of “Win”
Super Lurve
8 
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You are my fricken hero.
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3 
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We hate you
0 
15
“This site is nothing more than a giant crybaby lovefest for girls who want to tell one sided stories to try to make people feel sorry for them.”
I guess His Doucheness hasn’t seen the WOMEN wrecks on this site. Plenty of losers to go around for both genders and all between.
This smacks to me of a 12-14 year old breaking into Mom’s liquor cabinet and getting online for the first time. The complete lack of social skills, the instant hostility at any challenge, the thrill at using naughty words from the safety of the internet – 15 tops.
How do I know this? My son was 13 once upon a time, and got caught being a far less creepy but still snotty tool on my account. It sounds very familiar.
Super Lurve
5 
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We hate you
0 
15
Wait, you have friends? Oh yeah, that other guy who also likes to hit women. Loser.
Super Lurve
5 
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Mark, I’m having a hard time believing you’ve ever porked any chick. Are you sure your not confusing that with a pork chop? Because methinks that’s about all the action douches like you get.
No self respecting fatty would put down the Whopper for you. You ain’t got no special sauce.
Now would you like me to call you a wahhhhhhmbulance?
Super Lurve
9 
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We hate you
0 
9
Mark, this is your ex girlfriend’s friend.
We still use that retarded whambulance line (that you ripped off a disney movie for 10 year olds, by the way) to make fun of you.
Love it or hate it?
4 
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Hi Mark! Just wanted to help you out, when someone insults your intelligence, lack of game, douchebaggery, and social skills you should probably think of a comeback insult that actually applies to them ( the words lonely, fat, and pig not so much). Otherwise you sort of prove their point.
Have fun becoming Michael Scott in the future (minus the charm)
Love it or hate it?
1 
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Oh look. mark is posting pictures of some wanna-be Suicide Girl, claiming it’s his girlfriend: http://twitpic.com/photos/markXII. Someone needs to track down the “model” and let her know what’s up.
Super Lurve
5 
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I love how like the ONLY insult you can ever pull out of that alcohol soaked brain of yours is ‘lol ur fat lolololol’. Are you twelve? I bet your parents are really sad they lost the adoption roulette.
Super Lurve
5 
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Oh what cuties on Mark’s twitter page, too bad they are just pretend. No real woman is going to be objectified just so she can serve as a prop to some injured jerk’s pride. Why would some “hot asian chick” really post in his defense and make herself look like a slutty idiot?! Mark, you have lost. Scrap together the pitiful remnants of your pride, bow to your superiors, and take their advice. To continue posting only proves that you are a supreme moron!
Love it or hate it?
2 
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We hate you
0 
12
Oh my God, you are not gonna believe this, but my best friend dated this loser. He attacked her in a bar, she got a restraining order against him, and he proceeded to send her like, no joke, 200 e-mails. And he called like 80 times. She had to get her number changed. He got put in jail for two months over this crap because he kept violating the restraining order.
And when he was with her, he was a total asshole and drunk all the time. What a loser. I’m so glad she got wise after 4 weeks of dating him. Now she’s with a fantastic man who actually has a big enough pair to be good to his woman.
Super Lurve
8 
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I should probably not tell you this, but he also begged her like 30 times to put her finger up his butt.
Super Lurve
7 
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That’s hot.
Super Lurve
7 
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9
Oh good God, Mark… When are you going to quit? Fat girls and skinny girls can smell your douchestink from a hundred miles away.
Super Lurve
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