Douchebaggery At Its Finest
He Said -- She Said — By PersonalsCritic on January 13, 2010 at 1:24 am
Business first, kids. As some of you might recall, I had intentions of writing about a certain dwarf today… I was going to post some of his poetry and share a portion of his exchange with our brave reader, Kato. I was going to tell you how during the seemingly innocuous conversation, he sent her a cock picture entitled “lubed up” (NSFW) and then jerked himself off over IM while Kato sat frozen, unable to type anything into her computer. I was also going to tell you about how he was so generous to offer Kato a description of the virtual pearl necklace he bestowed upon her. And not just me, but Miki was coming back for a reunion and PC was going to join in… AND I had an idea for a killer Music Video we were going to put together to cover a Wiggles song — I promise it was topical.
But I can’t… I can’t because Thomas Lance or whatever the fuck the dwarf’s name is decided he wanted to be a fucking frilly pantied bitch and posted this comment on our teaser post last week. Apparently, Thomas is stupid. I mean, as if we didn’t gather that from his original OkCupid profile. Thomas doesn’t know jackshit about copyright laws. He doesn’t seem to understand that if I’m giving him credit on his work that he’s… getting… CREDIT FOR IT. Dipshit.
But all of this to say, I thought long and hard about this decision. And here’s what I decided: Date Wrecks in not in this to RUIN lives (though, the argument could be made that if you’re on DW, your life is already pretty much at the bottom of the barrel). If Thomas is going go get his panties in a twist and can’t stand proudly behind his creative work, then so be it… But let me tell you, that shit that me and Miki wrote was FUNNY. OMG. No joke. And I could practically hear PC cracking his knuckles, ready to let ol’ Tommy Boy have it. Okay, business meeting adjourned. Let’s get to today’s HSSS!
PC: Jami, this guy can’t be for real. He must have put this profile up as some sort of a joke, or a social experiment. Please tell me he’s a psych major, and his thesis is on ways to protect women against being scalded by a piping hot cup of d-bag.
TiGSMODE : THE MANG BABY!
ABOUT ME:
Tall | Blonde | Blue | Tanned | Perfect teeth
PC: Is this Avatar? I think this might be Avatar. Or maybe The Smurfs.
Jami: Did the Smurfs have teeth? And the only Smurf with blonde hair was the chick… Uh-oh!
PC: No, it’s definitely Avatar. They hand out those shades at the IMAX theater.
My company and career are both terrific to me and I’m a successful individual. I work extremely hard at everything that I apply myself to, and I’m finding that my spare time is becoming more and more valuable each and every day… so please don’t waste it =)
PC: Way to dazzle the broads with your mastery of vagueness. I like to imagine this guy’s speaking voice as anyone in the cast of “Jersey Shore”.
Jami: [totally fist bumping and dancing to techno... with a tan]
My family is super important to me due to the fact that everyone else in this world seems to think that hating a successful person far outweighs being inspired by them.
Jami: I think he’s talking to us, PC.
PC: Here’s a tip. When “everyone else in this world” hates you… it probably has nothing to do with your “success”. The good news? You have inspired me to throw away every pair of sunglasses I own that look like replicas of ski goggles. However, since I don’t own any sunglasses like that, just to be safe, I threw away my ski goggles.
Jami: You have inspired me, Tanner McDoucheGoggles, to go moisturize my skin. Tanned skin in your twenties is cute. In your thirties, it starts to make you look like aged leather. I don’t really have a desire to kiss, cuddle, or canoodle with something that looks like my dad’s wallet.
ABOUT YOU:
I’m looking for a WOMAN that is sucessful or at least on the path to becoming so. I’m also looking for someone who is past the ignorant “chase me” games, mainly due to the fact that I’m 27 not 18 anymore.
Jami: Check… A [shouting] WOMAN who can’t spell successful. And something about chasing somebody, but I can’t be clear on who is chasing who.
My advice for the GIRLS on here would be to grow some t*ts and maybe rather than sitting on this site all day helplessly waiting for validation and a credit card to max out, take a risk for once in your life. Honestly, men do it all the time and this is clearly why we’re the more dominant sex
PC: Ah, yes, “grow some tits”. Now that he’s “27 not 18 anymore”, his maturity has certainly given him the ability to turn a phrase.
Jami: What am I doing wrong here? I didn’t realize we could grow some tits. SWEET. Mammary-overload, here I come! So, men max out their credit cards, go into debt, and ruin their credit score and this makes them the more dominant sex? GOD… I really have been asleep in class. Also, it should be noted, this profile is from PLENTY OF FISH — THE LARGEST FREE DATING SITE ON THE INTERNET. Fucking DoucheGoggle.
I really don’t appologize if that sounds brutal because right now so is our economy, and with that being said I think it’s really quite fair for me to expect the same output from a woman that she will NO DOUBT get from me.
PC: The economy must be brutal, because despite all his success, he’s posting on a completely free dating site, home to many of the scariest women I have ever met, second only to craigslist.
Jami: He really does sound like every girl’s dream. I’m sure he’ll find the love of his life on POF. Need I remind you that we found Pinky LongTits, Mmrraow EyeMakeupowski, and… I can’t go on.
Here on Plenty of Fish you’ve been given plenty of space to tell people about yourself, so use it. I don’t have time to waste getting to know a woman with plenty of baggage that could have been easily mentioned on your profile.
PC: “I’m too busy having my car professionally detailed. Did you see my car? I have a car. Please take note of my car, I posted two pictures of it.”
Jami: Seriously! Who THE FUCK CARES ABOUT YOUR GOD DAMNED CAR, DOUCHEGOGGLES?! And really, it’s two cars PC but do you know what a guy in twenties with two cars says to me? “My daddy still pays my insurance.”
ONLY CONTACT ME IF:
A) Your profile is not entirely composed of neck & up photos.
B) You have at least one photo posted of you with NO make-up.
C) You have a vehicle.
D) You have a career. Not a job.
E) Your looks aren’t directly related to how useless you are.
F) OMG NO KIDS already!!! If you have kids and no daddy to support them because you chased him away somehow that was ur mistake; don’t look to make it mine.
G) If your profile says “average” for your body type then believe that most guys know what that means. I would much rather see the truth up front than having to analyze your photos or waste my time meeting with you to figure it out.
PC: Good plan. You always want to go out of your way to demean and insult the gender that you are trying to put your penis inside of.
Jami: What does “Your looks aren’t directly related to how useless you are” even mean? And really, it’s only fair that he HE post a picture of himself without makeup if he’s going to demand one from his potential match, right?
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45 Comments
I love how he is demanding that women have a variety of photos, yet his only photo of himself is a b&w head shot where half his face is covered by ridiculous sunglasses. And if he is so proud of his “perfect teeth” why isn’t he showing them? Were they soaking in the bathroom when this picture was taken? What a joker!
Super Lurve
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anyone else too bummed to read the whole article?
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I know, I know… I was bummed, too.
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“I’m perfect, so I want a perfect woman to go along with my perfection. Oh, God! What are you doing on here?! All of you suck! Jesus! And why can’t I find that perfect woman? I just don’t understand.”
Super Lurve
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The last part of this statement should be spoken with the back of one hand pressed melodramatically to the forehead.
Super Lurve
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Yup, the perfect way to attract a woman is to describe how much you loathe them.
Super Lurve
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The car in the driveway belongs to his daddy. Daddy told him if he wanted to drive his old car to go fetch it and fix it. It’s sitting out in the back 40.
Super Lurve
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Well, “Thorin” is basically right about copyright laws.. doesn’t matter if you give him credit (that just means it’s not plagiarism). However, copyright wouldn’t apply to posting a transcript of an IM session or something like that, as far as I know. Like leaving someone a voicemail — you’re knowingly being recorded. Just stay away from the poetry.
Second issue of course is whether he could actually win some sort of court case against you for reposting an image he sent to you.. seems unlikely.
Super Lurve
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From the conversation that I had with a lawyer, once you email a picture to someone else, you are relinquishing some percentage of ownership. If the pictures were stolen, it would be off limits. Since he sent it to Kato, it is then Kato’s to share as she wishes.
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Sorry, I must address the dwarf first:
“Any original work–no matter what quality–is immediately copyrighted under law.”
This is so not true that it makes my brain try to bleed out my ears. In this world (i.e., not Middle Earth, Narnia, Pandora, etc.), you have to, you know, go obtain a copyright on your terrible, terrible poetry. And as Jami pointed out, it’s not as if she tried to pass the crap off as her own. Kudos to Jami for taking the high road and just leaving the little shut-in alone.
As for this douche, as usual, one can assume that “No neck and up shots” means “Show me the tits you grew”. And I want to know why this dream WOMAN needs a vehicle; I mean, McDouche has TWO CARS! I guess even the woman of his dreams won’t be allowed to drive his car.
Super Lurve
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Not really.. Just putting a legally valid copyright notice is sufficient. Nobody grants copyrights in the sense that they do trademarks or patents, though you can mail off of a copy to get a clear date on record.
This post is Copyright 2010 by Jay. All rights reserved. Trespassers will be violated.
Super Lurve
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Believe it or not they do grant copyrights, and just putting a legally valid notice on something does not stand up in court. I have to obtain a formal copyright through the US Copyright office every single time I write a script, costs about $40.
Super Lurve
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Yes, that office is located at http://www.copyright.gov.
Which says under “Copyright Basics”: “Copyright protection subsists from the time the work is created in fixed form. The copyright in the work of authorship immediately becomes the property of the author who created the work.” And then, “The way in which copyright protection is secured is frequently misunderstood. No publication or registration orother action in the Copyright Office is required to secure copyright.”
Someone writing a script for sale is probably in the category of people who need the extra protection of registration, but the Dwarf really isn’t.
Please don’t increase the amount of misinformation out there…
Super Lurve
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No you don’t. Copyright exists as soon as something is created in the United States. The only exception is if the work is created by the federal government or its employees on the job, in which case it is in the public domain.
So you’re wrong. Simply, plainly, without exception or discussion, wrong. And someone is ripping you off to the tune of $40 per script.
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Actually, It works like this: In the US, Anything you create is automatically copyrighted. BUT–If you officially register your copyright,(to the tune of $40 or so, depending on what form of work it is) if someone infringes upon your copyright, and you take them to court, and you win (which you will if the infringement is clear), then the infringer(?) pays for ALL of the court costs. Otherwise, without the official registration, you may still win your case, but you’re stuck paying all of your own court fees.
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The dwarf is entirely right. He does immediately have a legally valid copyright as soon as he creates any work.
The dwarf is entirely wrong, however, to suggest that any reproduction without his permission is thereby prohibited. “Fair use” is a concept that a lot of internet folks don’t understand, but reproducing a portion of an original work for the purposes of criticism is perfectly legal.
In other words, it’s not legal to just republish the dwarf’s sexual fantasies without making fun of him. But if you make fun of him, it’s okay. America, fuck yeah.
Super Lurve
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“In other words, it’s not legal to just republish the dwarf’s sexual fantasies without making fun of him. But if you make fun of him, it’s okay. America, fuck yeah.”
I love you. A lot.
Super Lurve
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That’s pretty much how I understood copyright as well…especially critiquing and parody. I gotta add my love here with Valerie, in a totally non-creepy, not-hiding-in-your-shrubs kind of way…
Super Lurve
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Oh, I was super-late and also nowhere near as concise and awesome as you. I bow to your far superior comment.
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Well, in the US, copyright is apparently extended automatically to works published after 1989, whether they contain a copyright notice or not. But these are published works — works published on a tangible medium, so I don’t know about putting some crap on your personal ad. Also, fair use includes criticism, commentary, and parody, though it is decided on a case by case basis. I mean, I don’t know much about copyright law, and I don’t know anything about copyright outside of the US (this dude seems like he might be Canadian; I don’t remember and I’m not going to go look), but a few searches seem to support that publication of some of his crappy (and probably derivative) work for the use of criticism and parody could justifiably be considered fair use. Also this guy would probably benefit from some criticism — maybe he would be able to look at his work critically and improve his writing, if only he would chill out a bit.
God, this isn’t even the right post to discuss that mess. So that guy with the glasses covering most of his face is an entitled brat who does not deserve to be touched by another person. Maybe someday he will grow up, but it will probably require a brain injury.
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This idiot messaged me on POF, his opening email was “frickin QT”
Thanks… but no
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Clicking over to his profile, I noticed, ironically enough and despite purporting to be such a hot catch, no one at POF has added him to their “Favorites.” I’m wondering how successful this, “Tell it like it is” strategy is for him?
Super Lurve
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They no longer show the number of ‘favorites’ a user has on their profile now. They also removed the last five forum posts from the bottom of profiles too.
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Wow, that dates me!
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Hey, what’s the difference between this douche and the trash? The trash gets taken out once a week! This asshat unfortunately will be doomed to sit at home, secretly contemplating the sexual potential of his BMW’s tailpipe.
Super Lurve
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*rimshot*
And: eww!
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GOD I love you Paige.
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Well, that was officially disappointing.
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Firstly, there needs to be an award for the “DW Internet Dating Courage Above and Beyond the Call of Duty and Rational Thought”. This award could perhaps something tasteful in a mixed media pin crafted by an unnamed artist at Regretsy.
Secondly, I nominate Kato to receive this award (along with a coupon for the Jumbo Xtra Size Brain Bleach Bottle).
========
Oh, and as far as The Mang Baby, why can’t I get this song out of my head? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
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Thanks Annie! I will accept any and all awards.
Also I’d prefer a large bottle of wine over the brain bleach, as it is much more enjoyable.
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Oh man.. I was so excited about dwarfy.. Ah well.
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Is one of those cars like a 1990 Taurus?
If your entire post revolves around “I’m rich, so date me, but don’t be into me for my money, but i’m really rich so date me” then dont use a picture of a clunker.
And overall, just total douchebaggery.
Super Lurve
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But its such a SHINY clunker…
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And did you see those rims?
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i don’t think the cars are his. i mean, he won’t date you unless you have a car of your own, right? maybe that’s what he’s looking for in a woman? a shiny, black beemer?
maybe it’s not even a picture of him? maybe it’s just something from a random ad in maxim poking fun at douchebags and he didn’t get the joke.
and he actually said he’s expecting ‘OUTPUT’ from a woman. what the fuck does that mean? output? don’t be too romantic, douche.
and i, along with the rest of dw lurve fans, am sad there was no second mockery of the dwarf. what an asshole – honestly, if you can get a sense of humor about yourself it might make you a little more appealing, despite all your flaws.
Super Lurve
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That’s exactly the way I feel about it! You have to be able to step outside of yourself and sometimes say, “Self… That was a really stupid and embarrassing thing to do.” Then pat yourself on the back and move the fuck on.
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1. The first and only thing I can think of is that the dwarf is supposedly 6′ tall and that’s the size of his penis? Bwahahahahahah
2. This profile is totally fake. Has to be. No one is really like this, right? Right? Hello? Anyone?
Super Lurve
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I checked the NSFW photo. That’s definitely a 6-centimetre penis. Half the average.
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Why can’t I love your post more than once??
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I thought I was immune to the horror of the internet penis pic, but that one actually made me physically retch.
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Nothing says high class better than an old Thunderbird with ugly wheels that probably cost more than that car is worth.
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“Screw you, average-bodied women! I have a promising career because my daddy promised he’d buy me one! Now put out for my sexy ski goggles.”
Super Lurve
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I’ve been a long-time lurker here, but I think this is the first Wreck I’ve seen that has actually made me want to travel through my computer to kick this guy where the sun don’t shine.
It makes me happy to know that all of the REAL women he’s supposedly looking for (mature, successful, etc.) wouldn’t waste their time with trash like him.
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What a charmer! I think his profile would actually be improved by including a picture of a dead Bambi.
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Suprisingly enough, his penis isn’t very big. I’m shocked.
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