Or, um… At least that is what I’m deducing from this submission. You want some REAL hot erotica?? You want to read something that gets your girly bits feeling tingly? Don’t worry dudes, this will probably make your jeans tight as well…

Wait, c’mon. Who am I kidding? This DATE WRECKS. Just ahead, a really terrible erotic story about Batman & Alfred (who turns out to be a total cockslut!)

alm0ndsic

25 / M / Straight / Single

Brandon, Florida

My Self Summary

Bruce Wayne sighed as he closed the doors of his sleek batmobile and trudged into the batcave. Alfred suddenly flanked him on his right with the usual cup of tea and jolly smile.

“Master Wayne, seems like you skipped out on sleeping again last night. Do you have any idea what time it is?” Alfred’s eye were pierce, questioning, and deeply worrying. Bruce dodged his glare and stepped aside.

“Alfred, you wouldn’t understand. I wasn’t out tackling villains last night… I was trying to tackle Rachel. She’s still avoiding getting frisky with me. I… I haven’t made love in forever Alfred,” Bruce blurted, and cocked his head to the side, slumping in his batbed.

Alfred nudged up beside him and set down his tea tray.

“Master Wayne, are you telling me Batman has not gotten frisky for a while? That’s laughable!” Alfred smiled and gave Bruce a nudge.

“Shut up Alfred! I’m so busy fighting villains that I haven’t been fighting the villains that matter most: the villains in my heart…” His voice trailed off, leaving an odd silence in the batbedroom. Bruce grabbed his batmirror and started checking out his batteeth. “Maybe it has something to do with my teeth. Do you think I should get this gingivitis shit looked at?”

“Master Wayne, perhaps women aren’t attracted to you because… you have other inner villains.” Alfred offered. Bruce laughed and gave an incredulous look to him.

“What are you suggesting Alfred? What other internal villains am I keeping?” He now focused fully on the old man, noticing something slightly odd in his posture.

“Master Bruce, I’m suggesting that you mean need to come out of the batcloset.” The room went cold, colder than a cold night in Gotham with Mr. Freeze making lots of things very cold.

“Alfred… are you saying I’m gay?! Jesus man… I… I don’t know what to say.” Bruce stammered and Alfred sat up and put his finger on his lips. Batman stared back as Alfred looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, “Why so serious?”

Alfred’s lips wrapped around Bruce’s thin lips as he shoved the tea tray off the batbed. Bruce Wayne tried desperately to recoil but soon found himself enticed by the old man’s wicked thrashing of his tongue, sliding around the edges of his mouth and playfully dancing with his own. Bruce ripped off his batsuit and shredding his mask, when Alfred switched to his ear and nibbled while whsipering, “Keep the mask on.”

Alfred fell on top of Bruce on the batbed and began to kiss Bruce’s chiseled chest and slide his tongue down to his rock-hard cock. “Alfred… I don’t know if I can… ohhhh lord.” Bruce began to moan as Alfred skillfully took Batman’s batcock into his mouth and began slowly teasing and sucking.

“Mmm… oh sweet fucking LORD Alfred, where did you learn this?!” Bruce looked down in astonishment and ecstasy. Alfred smiled and replied, “Many long nights alone with the batdog.”

Bruce ignored the odd response and felt his batcock tightening up now as he started holding onto Alfred’s thin sheets of white hair, rippling his body up into Alfred’s warm mouth. Alfred went deeper and deeper, taking in all of the batcock and rolling his tongue around the shaft to make Bruce giggle, as if the Joker had told a funny joke.

Finally, Bruce could feel his batsemen filling up in the batcock, and he whispered, “Oh Alfred, wait… I think I’m gonna…” and before he could finish, erupted batjuice all into Alfred’s waiting mouth. Alfred happily gobbled it all down and stared up at Bruce in lust.

“Master Wayne, the day is still young. I think you should put aside your previous engagements and concentrate on this.” With that, Alfred shook off his butler suit and revealed a throbbing, wrinkly penis. Bruce was sure this was going to be the best “catch” ever!

Oh… My. Nothing gets me hotter than listening to a man ramble off his favorite childhood comic book hero fantasy. Except I’m not sure which character I would have to be when we role-played it later… I think I could probably do a convincing old-man, but lord… I don’t want to be Albert. Not like this.

Please don’t make me do this, Batman.

Also, I don’t read comic books, but I’m pretty sure Bruce Wayne wouldn’t giggle. EVAR. Not even if he was hiding his batcloset. [I actually cringed as I typed that!]

And, since he ended on a high note, I’m going to do the same thing — ‘cept, my brain is full of bat-isms, so all I can come up with is copying him. I bid you adieu with “throbbing, wrinkly penis.” Good night, folks.