So, I updated my OkCupid profile. Back in November, I deleted almost everything because I was burned the fuck out. Dating is exhausting, but I’m finding my feet again. While I was there, I went through my inbox and realized that I had neglected to share some really awesome (read: terrible) emails that I had gotten over the last few months.
Exhibit A — Worst Subject Line Ever:
Subject:Â Hey punk
From: Romanian_guy
dude, that chick in your mirror is beautiful. can you hook me up?
Did you just address me as punk and dude?
ahhh, So I’m curious, what’s your number one most awesome superpower?
Repelling dudes with terrible pickup lines.
lool, really? of course it’s terrible, so what are you doing this weekend?
Probably sitting at home, staring out the window, wondering when i’m ever going to stumble across a romanian lacking in both social skills and a real job.
Seriously. WORST WAY TO START AN EMAIL EVER. Punk? Fucking seriously?
Exhibit B — “Unable” to even “form a reply”, OMG:
Subject: LOL
From: whatsthedeal4u
You are funny! At least I think you are
I WILL NOT:
Send you pics of my genitals, “even if you ask”
Send you a serenade mp3, “OMG”
I don’t have children, er.. and cannot have them”Although I like children, they are COMPLETELY HONEST”
I am 46, “but I am not creepy and nobody has guessed my age as older that 38″
A 100 match questions have been answered by me
My spelling is impeccable…. “if I missed any, I know how to use spell-check” know how to use spell-check”
So, do I get a chance here?
;>)
I don’t even know what the fucking say about this one, guys. I Â mean, clearly, he was attempting to tie in his message with some things with that I included in my profile, but LAWD. The overuse of quotation marks is mind blowing. Excuse me, I mean “Mind Blowing”
Exhibit C –Â Worst Spammer Ever:
Subject: Spammy Message
From: Jaidyn57049
There once was a spam in your mail.
We delete all such things without fail.
They just want your money.
We don’t think it’s funny.
We wish we could send them to jail.
[Jami just throws her hands up in the air]
Exhibit D — My Writer’s Heart Just Broke:
Subject: darb8000
From: darb8000
well miss Jami I would first like to say helo .I know how you feel .With the hectic schedule of rasing a child .I have 4 kids my self–3 boy and 1 girl .It seems there s no time for your self but I wouldnt have any outher way.
Yes. You read that correctly. He put his user name as the subject line of the email. It just went downhill from there. If you click on the link, you’ll find that in his profile he also mentions that he is “devorced” though he does follow it up with, “MY SPELLING SUX.”
So, why the fuck did I just updated my profile again? Oh lawd, here we go again. It-can’t-all-be-that-bad, it-can’t-be-all-that-bad, it-can’t-be-all-that-bad.
What’s the worst email you’ve gotten?
