Hi there,
I’m about to have sex with a guy who’s uncircumcised. It’s my first experience with a hood. Are there any differences or precautions I should be aware of?
Hood Winked
Dear Hood Winked,
Just like their counterparts at H&M, hoodies have become wildly popular in the last few decades. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, only 65.3 percent of baby boys born in U. S. hospitals were circumcised in 1999, proving that Prince was right. We sure did party in that year. In the 70s however, circumcision was much less groovy, about 20 percent less, in fact. But you didn’t come for a history lesson! Or at all, I take it, since you were too busy emailing someone on the internet about your guy’s turtleneck instead of giving him “tha bizness.”
To continue with my g-rated analogy, the physical differences between a V-neck and a turtleneck penis are readily at your disposal, Hood Winked. I’d wager there are enough images online that you could Google not only the night, but several years of your life away. I would point you in the right direction, but I recently made the mistake of googling “Drew Carey” with the safe search off and have not yet recovered. However, once a dick is at full mast, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between cut and uncut, and not only because of the fancy editing and 3-D graphics.
One slight difference is that uncircumcised penises are at a higher risk for contracting some STDs like syphilis and HIV, according to the World Health Organization and the CDC. Remember how on Dawson’s Creek when Dawson’s dad said to him, “Remember son, no hat, no love” when he got caught making out with Joey? Then his wife chimed in, “I think you mean glove, dear” and we were all really embarrassed for him? That’s how embarrassed you should feel if you don’t use protection. So wrap it up, ladies and gents. This order is TO GO.
What else? Oh, if you see any white, stanky stuff under the hood, then please have him give me a call – I misplaced my feta like 4 days ago and it’s driving me crazy! Just kidding, perverts. Smegma, or as the kids are calling it these days, “dick cheese” can occur in the penis if you’re like Robert Pattinson and only bathe in used motor oil. If you see or smell anything funky, have him call a doctor. Since the foreskin is loaded with nerve endings, some dudes may be sensitive to the touch, so be sure to ask before you go unleashing your claws and such. Aside from that though, you’ll find that circumcised and uncircumcised dicks behave in the same ways – in other words, they still won’t watch The Bachelor with you, so don’t even try.
Today’s Dear DW was brought to you by Anna Pulley. She is a Date Wrecks survivor. You can read her at: http://annapulley.com
