Paige sends in this submission, screenshot style. “This one is ridiculous, why anyone would feel the need to tell their life story over Craigslist, I have no idea…” Seriously… If you start out like this, what in the WORLD is left to talk about on your first date… And second… And, um… I mean, I think there’s enough info here to cover all of the conversations that might’ve occurred over the first six dates.
I’m a Tru Luverboy, whens my B.day ? – 45 (Yorba Linda)
(click on the image for a full size version)
Oh. Isn’t this fun? Let’s guess a stranger’s birthday based on a 3″ photographof him in a leather vest on Craigslist and his oversharing life story. God. I can hardly contain myself. It’s so fun. But wait, there’s more.
*yawn* We get to guess what he wants to do each day, for a month. This is the kind of fun that just lasts and lasts. And guess what ladies? He’s SO invested in you that he’s going to sit back and let you plan the date. Prepare to be dazzled.
My favorite part of this beautifully constructed piece of literature is the sentence after his screaming paragraph. One can only assume that his complete lack of capital letters in this sentence is his own personal way of apologizing for screaming at us for six lines. In this sentence, he tells us that he’s very private.
…
Maybe he’s just really, really ridiculously stupid and doesn’t know what the fuck private even means.
I can infer this because he spends the next two “paragraphs” telling us more than we would ever need to know about him.
Other favorite parts:
When I had each [of my children], I held them up in the air and thanked God, and asked his blessing in their lives, and to protect them from the wolves of this world.
Did you ever stop to consider that perhaps your wife left you because you acted like fucking Rafiki from the Lion King EACH TIME SHE POPPED OUT A PUPPY FOR YOU? I mean, you do realize that Rafiki was a crazy monkey, right?
I also love that he’s a handsome ” 47 year old”, back single with 2 kids, struggling ect… I guess age is relative. And sentence structure and respect for the English language and shirts under vests are all optional.
So, take a late lunch ladies, and meet him at 1:42. You’ll have to keep your lunch date brief because he’s got to pick up the kids at 2:47. If you ask nicely, he might drive you past the million dollar home he used to own.
