Got this submission today and while, technically, it’s not ONLINE dating, I believe it still qualifies. Plus, it sounds like he has a VERY difficult time operating his internets. And be forewarned, there’s  a lounging naked man ass ahead.
Hey Jami!
We have a local paper here called 7 Days. The personals are divided into 2 sections…one is called ” Two to Tango” which is the “vanilla” types and the other is called ” Hot to Trot” for the more wild ( aka kinky) types. So, I came across this ad with photos, that I knew you would appreciate. Enjoy!
Jewels
“Grandma, where did you meet Grandpa?”
“I met your sweet Pop-Pop in the kinky newspaper personals, Hot to Trot.”
Legacy, kids. Build a legacy.
Older, Young Body
Hi, I include the photo of myself nearly naked not because I think I am something great, only to show that even an older man can still have a pretty nice body. I am 50-something, 5’8”, 168lbs.
I had a profile on “Two to Tango” side of this dating service for a while because I would love to have a woman be my great friend and lover with the possibility of long-term relationship. I was unable to find the combination of intelligence, openness, and good humor in a woman that also expressed the importance of a great sexual relationship as well.
I guess “Hot to Trot” is mostly about sexual partnering, which is ok because I need good sex in my life. I still need to feel connected to you. No commitment but to honesty. We need some kind of casual friendship, and able to carry on a good conversation. I am a well-rounded person that has lived an interesting life. I am a gentleman and a gentle man.
I love cuddling and petting on the couch with a movie for hours. As well as long periods of lovemaking where we go, lost to the world, in a wonderful place of lust and love. If it matters to you, I am well endowed. No matter what size lady you are, I love thighs that are proportionally bigger than the rest of your physique – nice shapely legs.
I have owned my own business for 23 years. I am secure in my beautiful home for life on a horse farm I built with an indoor arena on a hillside overlooking the White River Valley.
It is very difficult for me to send and receive emails. Please only leave messages in my voice mail box including either your telephone # or a message with your membership # so that I can call and leave my telephone #.
Whew. Ok… So first of all, this isn’t “nearly naked” … This is the (you ready?) full monty.
When you say you’re fifty-something, doesn’t that translate to 58 or 59 years old? And kudos, gramps, you certainly don’t look like a gramps. You look like a regular douche canoe naked dude trying to date. Except you used the term “petting”, so nevermind. You just aged a shit ton.
So, here’s a joker who is hoping for the best of both worlds — you should be committed to “being honest” with him but really, just hang out for the sex and the petting. You should be a straight woman but also sort of think the way he’s reclining like Ingres’s Grande Odalisque is enticing and sexy.
So, fat bottomed girls, act fast. Or you know, call and leave a message and tell him where to leave you a message so that you guys can hurry up and get this courting thing rolling.
