42 / M / Straight / Single
Peoria, Arizona (1598 Miles)
I am Seeking young, redheads, blondes, and submissives.
My Self-Summary
*Hate mail gets deleted without being read, no matter the source or the topic line. Dont waste the effort, fuckers.*
Hey there and welcome to the longest profile on Cupid (thats not full of stupid, rambling bullshit or double spaced gaps just to stretch out the page). FalconGTH0 for QM. Thats zero, not the letter O.
*BEWARE* There were two impostor profiles of me on here. FalconGTHO (letter O) & FalconGHT0 which was completely lifted from a previous incarnation of my profile here. These appear to have been deleted or hidden, because despite my best efforts, I cant find them in the search. Thats good. But, Cupid says “FalconGTHO” is not available as a new screenname, so I cant be sure. Bottom line, If it doesnt say “FalconGTH0″ (number 0), its not me. Disregard.
Be sure to take my Falcons Skank Test. And no, I DONT use apostrophes. Dont like it? Fuck off.
Moving on, Ive been single since July 03 after 2 years with her. Im here to find the serious, lifetime love connection, simply put. But, if I cant get that, I at LEAST want LOTS of hot, sweaty sex. Love IS the ultimate goal, but sex IS the IMMEDIATE goal. But, if I get sex, Ill still keep seeking love. If any of this bothers you, get movin.
I moved to AZ in May 93, on purpose, for the weather, climate & another reason that is no longer relevant. Originally, Im from KCMO. After living in the same triangular mile area since arriving, I moved to the West side in Jun 03. It was out of neccessity, however, not want. But, now that Ive purchased a home back on 9/24/10, Im out here for good. If youre long distance, thats fine, just be willing & able to relocate here & sooner rather than later. If you cant, or wont, forget it, unless you up for a fun, hot, sweaty sex filled weekend. Or two. Heh.
Im UNlike ANY man you have or EVER will meet. Any chick Ive encountered admits to or agrees with this, but even if no chick ever said it, Id still know its true. Theres quite a lengthy list of reasons why this is true, but only ONE is needed for it to be true. Its the fact that I DO NOT lie. I deal in nothing but truth & facts. I ALWAYS speak the truth, REGARDLESS of consequences. Sometimes the truth hurts. Ohh well. I wont lie to get a chick to like me. I also wont kiss a chicks ass to get her to like me nor will I bullshit a chick to get her to like me. Why? Because I dont give a fuck. If a chick likes me, great. If she doesnt, ohh well, so what? NOT MY loss.
Ive been told on various occasions that Im a complex person & I suppose its true. Im a serious guy as you will see. Many say too serious, but they dont find out enough, or get close enough, to see that thats not really true.
Ive never been married, engaged, caused a pregnancy or cheated. I dont smoke, have tats or piercings & Im disease free. Ive never tried drugs or alcohol of any kind ever, nor have I tried or experimented with other substances or chemicals. Ive never been arrested, declared bankruptcy, been fired from a job, shoplifted nor undergone psychiatric treatment. Im not a psycho, sicko, freak nor weirdo.
Regarding my “Christianity and very serious about it”, this means I WONT deal with an atheist or practitioners/followers of weird, kooky, non Judeo Christian theologies. Sex only, if that.
Along with that, I give NO credence to astrology other than the fact that Scorpios DO LOVE to fuck and are sought after by me. As for myself, my sign is “Middle Finger”.
If you check my tests, youll see my “Primary Love Language” is Touch and Affection. Yes, Im a touchy, feely, affectionate guy. I like it, want it and bottom line need and expect it in a relationship. PDA is included in that as well. I LOVE to cuddle, hug, kiss, hold hands, touch, pet, stroke, caress and make out. You need too as well.
Lastly, (one of) my motto(s) is, “Ask me if I give a fuck”.
As for what I seek the only must have requirement is no smoking. I FREAKIN HATE SMOKERS! If you smoke, youre a skank, PERIOD! Die on the next puff! Its low rent, scummy & trashy. And this includes you “hookah” smokin bitches too. Also, I dont get this “smokes sometimes” or “smokes when drinking”. Wtf? If youre going to smoke, SMOKE. ALL the time. If youre not, DONT smoke AT ALL.
Outside of that, there are indeed some preferences that, while not a requirement, deduct or add points based on what they are.
Deductions taken for:
Tats. The more you have the more deducted.
Non ear piercings. If you have your tongue stabbed youre already disqualified, unless youre able and willing to remove it.
Drug use, including “420″, also garners immediate disqualification. Sex only at best.
Kids. The more you have or the younger they are the more deducted. Also, if youre a knock up single momma, more is deducted than if youre divorced. Although, if the “baby daddy” is not in the picture, that kinda works in your favor, oddly enough.
Drinking, either frequently or a lot when you do drink.
Liberalism. If you voted for, supported, or STILL support ODrama, drop dead. I wont date someone THAT diametrically opposed to my views and values. Likely not even for sex, unless perhaps youre a hot freak.
Atheism or weird, kooky “theologies”. I will NOT date an atheist. Fuck a lot, maybe. Along with that, serious Catholics, Mormons or Jews.
Jig lovers. If you have or would date or do a black guy, likely sex only.
Sexually uptight as far as putting out or being whorish or slutty or bisexual.
Sports chicks. Stubborn bitches. Type A chicks. Pacifists. Short hair.
Points added for:
Blondes & ESP redheads, LONG hair, nice smile, pretty eyes, nice hands and (painted) nails, D size or bigger breasties, fit, in shape, 5 8 or taller. I like being able to look a chick in the eyes & hate having to bend over to kiss. Touchy, feely, affectionate chicks. Southern girls, Scorpios, Conservatives. Young chicks, 25 or less.
Being HIGHLY sexual but not whorish or slutty but also NOT uptight when putting out. Submissive, but not neccessarily a “lifestyle” submissive.
Possessing a (meaningful) college degree.
Having NONE of the above deduction points.
If Ive messaged or IMed you do NOT conclude its because, “He thinks Im hot”. No, most likely its because I think youre NOT UNattractive. Im not here to stroke egos or inflate your vanity, so dont flatter yourself or break your arm patting yourself on the back. Most likely I dont feel youre THAT good, but yet, still suitable. In other words, the bottom line here is that I likely didnt message you BECAUSE of your looks but IN SPITE of your looks, so be appreciative. If this pisses you off, tough shit.
When we chat off here, be prepared to answer questions. Its chat, the point of which is to get aquainted. To do that, I ask questions. There are things I like to, & want, to know up front. The answers to which determine your fitness as a romance potential or just an FWB for me. Your hesitance, resistance or otherwise refusal to answer will most likely garner a hearty “Fuck off” from me. I dont want to waste time waiting to find out the important shit only to find out its not what I want, seek or like. So, do us a favor when chatting, just ANSWER the freakin questions please. If theres shit youre ashamed of or otherwise uncomfortable discussing, thats not my problem. You need to reconcile that. Its part of who you are so its stuff that needs to be revealed. If YOU cant be comfortable with yourself, how do you expect a potential suitor to be? Dont like this? Tough shit.
Moving on, Cupid says I joined on Mar 15, 04 but Ive been on this site since 2000, certainly no later than 01 back when there was no “free online dating” component. I did, however, have to create another account in the interim. I became consistently active in July 06 but have been inactive since Jan 08, until recently, due to spending my time here. Join in.
So far, as of Mar ’10, Ive met 12 chicks off here. 7 were sexual encounters but still no lasting success yet, sexual or otherwise.
I currently score as “The Slow Dancer” on the Cupid Test. The first time I tested way back I scored as “The Gentleman”. Then the test was revised and I scored as “The Slow Dancer”. Then later I tested again and went back to “The Gentleman”, then the “Slow Dancer” again. Since then, Ive tested two more times, 07 & 09, STILL the Slow Dancer. Its got to be because I havent had a gf since 2003.
The bottom line, however, is that the truth lies somewhere in between. Im a blend of both. A Gentlemanly Slow Dancer. Really, however, reading the summaries, “The Backrubber” is as scarily accurate as “The Gentleman” is. And theres a large dose of “The Billy Goat” at work too. Anyway, breaking it down, Im absolutely Deliberate. Im Gentle, mostly, just enough to skew the test results I suppose. But really Im Brutal, esp if crossed or I deem a chick unworthy of love, time or a relationship. I certainly DONT give a shit about people around me beyond the chick Im focused on or love. I certainly seek Love, apparently enough to again skew the results, but in the short term, theres no doubt I seek and focus on sex. I may not get Love, but I MUST get Sex. I am absolutely a Master, FULLY evolved.
Ideally I seek “The Maid of Honor” but “The Playstation”, “The Nurse”, “The Intern”, “The Dirty Little Secret” or “The Nymph” will do in the short term.
As far as the “badges” that Cupid has “awarded” me in my profile, they are all accurate EXCEPT for the “Less Desring of Sex”. Wtf? That is SOO RIDICULOUSLY INaccurate its actually NOT funny.
I score as “The Inspector, ISTJ” on the “Long Scientific Personality Test”. And what do you know, thats also whats best for me on “The Best Personality Type for You Test”. Gee, imagine that, the best personality for me is what *I* am as well. DUH! Wtf? I already KNEW that. I DONT LIKE opposites. I seek me, with tits and a puss of course.
While I took basically the same test on another site called “The Jung Typology Test” and ended with the same result, I cant say that its truly accurate. Im “introverted” in that Im a lone wolf, dont like people or humanity and dont like groups. However, Im NOT introverted in that Im quiet, shy or timid, REGARDLESS of the setting. In fact, Im sorta loud, rather bold and more than a little fearless unless Im alone in a crowd/group of strangers…usually. Sensing? OK, but barely according to the test. But yeah, I cant say I have great intuition. Or, actually, I think I do, but I dont listen to it like I should. I dont trust it or w/e. It only becomes apparent AFTER things have happened or w/e. Definitely a thinker. Thats RIGHT on. Judging…again, RIGHT on. BUT, I also have a KEEN sense of perception.
Lastly, Im not “angry”, but I have no shame in pointing out shit I dont like in NO UNcertain terms. But apparently people confuse this, and my honesty in general, with anger. With that in mind, herewith a list of shit that bugs me on here.
First, I must ask why the FUCK do chicks who ARENT single join this site (and other like it) when it is CLEARLY a “Free online dating” site? Wtf? If you want friends or to “network” go to My Space or Facebook.
Continuing, I CANT FREAKIN STAND LIBERALS! I hate Liberals like Palestinians hate Jews. Im SICK of you careless, reckless, decayed, debauched, decadent, whiny ass, faggot lovin, race mixing, pacifist, knock up, single momma shitbags. Dont like this assessment? Fuck off.
Next, PROOFREAD your friggin profiles or LEARN PROPER SPELLING! Im not EVEN talking about the stupid ass “net speak” of wit, wiv, muh, ur, peeps, Im talking about flat out illiteracy. Its NOT lonly, studdy, sence, horney, danceing, discusting, singel, lieing, dieing, truely, etc, etc, ad nauseam. If you cant spell or proofread, you deserve EVERY bit of derision and scorn Ill heap upon you after reading your pathetic display of illiteracy you call your profile.
Also, wtf IS the point of being on a dating site for the purpose of dating if you dont have a means of communicating OFF the site? The IM on here sucks. I WONT use it except to send an initial message. I dont do email, on here or elsewhere, so women GET A FREAKIN IM program. And USE it. How do you expect to be able to get aquainted with a guy if you dont have what it takes to facillitate that?
Next, Im a “flag bastard”. If you have pics not of you or of body parts, Ill flag em, each and EVERY time.
And finally, just as there are soo many people on here “just for the tests”, Im on here JUST as much to BASH the great UNwashed masses that populate this place as I am to find love or sex.
I have an extensive bio I can send (some of which is excerpted here) that tells you ALL about me. Lets chat on IM & I can send.
What I’m doing with my life
On sabbatical, currently. Catching up on life. Time to finally get the house unpacked and arranged, yardwork, car shows, etc.
I’m really good at
Sex, psychology and English & grammar. They are gifts, talents I have. There are other things as well, but these are the three I excel at.
The first things people usually notice about me
Behaviorally, that Im blunt, honest like no other and funny as fuck, ESP without trying or UNintentionally. Visually, Ive had assorted (young) chicks tell me that I have the body of a 25 y o.
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Space Odyssey series
Mad Max/Road Warrior, Thief, The Andromeda Strain, Ice Station Zebra, Fail Safe (both versions, but the original is best)
I have a wide taste in music, but I love classic rock the most. Also 50s rock, 80s retro, blues, big bands, some classical, a little jazz & things like Riverdance & bagpipes. Each year (except for the last 4) since 97 Ive gone to the local Scottish Highland Games most esp for the pipe band competition.
I cant stand country except for dead performers like Jim Reeves, Marty Robbins, Patsy Cline, John Denver & Johnny Cash among others. I dont like rap, except for the funny abusive ones, or any other “black music”. I rarely like any new music. Some artists/groups I cant stand include Limp Dipshit, DMB, Stinkin Park, John Mayer, Stincubus, etc.
I like “chick pop” such as Sarah McLachlan, Sheryl Crow (hate her politics though), Celine Dion, Jewel & the young songwriter chicks like Michelle Branch & Vanessa Carlton. I cant stand bitches who cant sing or are otherwise annoying, regardless of ability, such as Madonna, Courtney Love, Melissa Etheridge, Avril, Gwen or that friggin Norah Jones.
For me, music is most important, then vocals, then lyrics. Crappy music or a crappy voice can ruin what otherwise couldve been a great song, but a song can still be good even if the lyrics are gay.
Fav bands in order are: Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Who, Rush, U2, The Doors, & ABBA. Others I like are: Def Lep, Van Halen (w/Sammy the most), The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Queen, Genesis, Jethro Tull, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Seger, Tom Petty, CCR, ZZ Top, AC/DC, Journey, Foreigner, REO & Metallica to name a few.
I love Italian food, hate Mexican, like Pepsi not Coke & love milk. I also drink Dr Pepper & can drink RC. I dont drink coffee (or other hot drinks) & will NOT eat mushrooms.
My fav restaurants are Olive Garden & Red Lobster.
I can eat chicken just about ANY way you can cook it & could eat it (or turkey) every day. I dont eat beef or steak however, unless its meatloaf or some shit.
I am very finicky, picky about food. I do not “experiment”. Im also not fond of “fine dining”. I dont want to show off, I just fuckin want to eat ok?
Additionally, I do not cook. I believe in distinct, defined gender roles. Men lift heavy shit, reach tall shit, open jars, fix cars & kill bugs. Women cook. I dont have a problem doing dishes, laundry, house cleaning, taking out the trash, etc, w/e, but I wont cook. So the lady I seek not only can cook but prefers to & likes it.
The six things I could never do without
Beyond the obvious necessities of life, Im not sure there is anything. Cable TV perhaps, so I can get the Weather Channel and Fox News. Internet, which is largely a continuation of the previous. The music I like.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The shit I need to get done, car stuff, politics, current events, social topics, history and why this nation is SOO fucked up.
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching Fox News and fucking around on the net or at the monthly car cruise in at Sanderson Ford.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit here
I am a VERY private person, so screw this question.
You should message me if
Youre seeking lifetime romance, are SMOKE FREE and you dont have kids, tats, non ear piercings and are able and willing to relocate.
Otherwise, if youre just seeking sex OR if you have any of the above EXCEPT smoking message me as well.
AUGH, fucking jeez. I just got back from vacation, asshole. I’m not sure I can pick this apart right now. What say we do a modified He Said — She Said — You Said and let you guys take a crack at this … specimen.
