Our submitter just turned eighteen and her suitor was thirty years old. Also, he wasn’t a pirate, but he still felt compelled to send this email to her:
“Arrr!!! Avast ye, lassie!
Be seein’ the scallywags and their games, ya do, eh? I’ll hoist ya up the mainsail so they don’t bother ye so much, and only the rascally ones what can climb can see ya up there. Better class o’ pirate, yon wench!
Shiver me timbers, I be the local welcomin’ committee in these parts. I’ll show ye around, keep the scullery rats off ya, and see what kinda matey ya be.
Ahoy!”
She ignored his message, mostly I’m assuming because she doesn’t speak pirate, and then received another email from him:
” what, u don’t speak pirate?”
Again, like a smart girl, she ignored this weird and strange attempt at contact but an hour later, she got this:
“Arr.
You can swab the decks until ye learnt yer lesson, lassie! And when ye done swabbin’ ‘em, ye can swab ‘em again! Ye’ll be speakin’ and cussin’ like a real pirate in no time.
I be havin’ some liberty call soon. Maybe tomorrie, maybe Tuesday. Let’s be spendin’ some o’ that gettin’ to know each other, and maybe I’ll show ye how to drink a fish under the table, ARRR!!”
Seriously man. It’s like the fucking Vampire shit going around — I just don’t GET the whole pirate thing.
I think we can all rest easy knowing that he didn’t get anywhere near her booty.
